Thursday, September 29, 2016

Nothing Is Wasted

I will honestly admit that this is one story I do NOT want to share. It's a story that for the past 6 weeks, I've been wanting to forget. A story that I never thought would be mine to share.
But I know and truly realize I was given this story for many reasons. I've been learning how much God really does use our pain for purpose. I was given this story, not to remain silent, but to share with many and boast about His goodness and His unwavering amount of grace and strength. It's a story about hope and how, even through the worst of situations, He can still can take a tragedy and turn it into triumph
So please, treat this story as fragile as feels, for it's still a healing wound.

This October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
I have known and heard personal stories of women experiencing miscarriages. I've read, in prayer threads online, the desperate cries of women who were asking for prayer and hanging on to the last bit of hope they had. My heart always ached for them but as they say "You never know what someone else is going through until you've experienced it for yourself." I never knew how much this statement would resonate with me. Until it all started to happen to me.

I'll start by saying how much Eric and I ADORE parenthood. I mean adore it. Makenna saved us in so many ways and she is truly our miracle child. We prayed and hoped for her for years. Being her parent has been the most incredible thing and one of the greatest gifts God could have ever given us. It felt only natural that after 6 months of having Makenna with us that we wanted to start trying for another.
As I expected there to be, there were complications. But it felt a lot easier to deal with the second time around because I truly was in a place where I relied more on Jesus and stuck with that it would happen in His PEFECT timing.
We kept trying for almost a year and half with, for the most part, complete peace and relaxation about it.
The middle of this past July brought some great news. After grabbing a pizza lunch with a couple, Eric and I ran to Target and I felt the need to buy a pregnancy test. I had "unloaded my pizza" in the bathroom when first getting into the store and it wasn't the first time that week I had "tossed my cookies" that week.
I took it immediately when we got home and received the brightest positive I had ever seen! I felt dizzy, excited, nervous all at once and looked my first baby. I told her she was going to be a big sister and held her while I cried with joy.
Makenna and I walked out of the bathroom and met Eric in the kitchen where I told him I had a surprise. I held out the test and he, equally, joined in my excitement.
The following Monday would be our first baby appointment and we couldn't wait.
Our appointment finally arrived and we could hardly stand the wait to our see our new baby!
The ultrasound seemed to be going fine until I noticed that the technician wasn't saying anything. She wasn't pointing out where the baby was and didn't let us hear a heartbeat. My heart sank. I knew right then and there that something was wrong. I remember thinking in my head "Please God, I'll do anything. Please."
The ultrasound technician stated how she wasn't able to say anything about the ultrasound and that our doctor would meet with us and explain it all. We didn't get good news from her either. It looked like what I had was a blighted ovum. It's where the baby is lost super early in pregnancy but yet the body still thinks and acts like it's pregnant. Seemed like complete unfairness and pure cruelty to me.
We were given the option to terminate the pregnancy but for moral reasons, we decided to wait. Either for God to perform a miracle or at least for my body to do what it needed to, naturally. The wait would be another 2 weeks to have another ultrasound.
Fast forward to most agonizing and stressful weeks of my life to ultrasound #2 where we discovered that there were 2 yolk sacs meaning 2 babies. My doctor was struck with such confusion and said she no longer felt comfortable with termination and I needed to come back another week later for ultrasound #3, stating that since we were possibly dealing with twins, that changed the entire situation. However, we received the news that my hormone levels were dropping with the doctor explaining it didn't look good.
That next Monday, before my next ultrasound, my miscarriage started.
There's not too much to explain after that. It was over. It was a loss. Two babies that we wouldn't hold in our arms. I was devastated and in a way I still am.
However this verse has never been more true:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
It's become my mantra. My life verse. The weeks that we experienced the waiting to see what would happen, the desperate pleas and cries to God, the trying to understand the meaning and the purpose behind all this...this verse popped up everywhere.
It reminds me that through the pain, through the hardships, the trials, through our mess and even our darkest hour..God works all things for our good and His glory, as long as we love Him. It may not seem good, but we can rest assure that it is. God is using our pain for purpose and as my Pastor says often "Nothing is wasted." Nothing in God goes in vain. 
It's been a HUGE test of faith and character for both Eric and I. And I never thought I would be that 1 in 4 to have to go through this but I am and it happened. The choice is mine to sit around and mope or to use my circumstances to reach out to others who may be going through something similar.

I thank Him for using and working through me. I praise Him for being a good Father. I worship Him for giving me the strength that brought me through such agonizing weeks of waiting then healing. And I put my complete hope in Him as we move on and try for our next miracle baby. 

There IS hope at the end of, what seems like, a dark and lonely tunnel. If this is something you've experience and you need an outlet, someone to talk to..I am here! GOD is here! I pray for overwhelming amounts of peace and understanding to fall upon you.

A serious thank you for all who read this. It's not a fun, happy topic but miscarriages happen and they are not as uncommon as we may think. Let's not just draw awareness to it but allow others to share their stories.

Much love, as always, friends! 



Thursday, September 22, 2016

A Prayer For Our Wayward Nation

Oh Lord hear this prayer,
Jesus, as a mother, as a wife, as an American citizen, I am honestly scared.
As this country seems to spiral out of country, Lord I cry out to you in desperation. Help us. 
I feel as though we are literally falling apart at the seems. Between this terrifying excuse of an election, to the complete chaos on the streets, I go to bed at night and lay awake thinking "What's next? What's life going to be like for my child?"
Lord, I first and foremost pray for my own heart. I need help realizing that in order to see change I first need to be that change I long to see. I pray from this day forward that you banish any feelings that come directly from the enemy, including but not limited to: hate, ignorance, hostility, jealousy, anger, impatience, and unkindness. 
I pray Jesus that you allow nothing but love, kindness, tolerance, patience and pure joy to settle into my soul, heart, spirit. I pray that you allow me to see others how YOU see them God. That I can stand up for what is right and true in Your eyes and settle for nothing less. Do any work through me as You wish. Place me in the right places at the right time, allow good, wholesome conversations to happen with Your people, God, that only point them straight back to You and Your goodness. Give me the words to say and the things I need to do for You and for this country. Any way that You need to work through me Jesus, I am ready and willing.
Rescue this nation God. I pray for the current leaders of this country and that they feel convicted of any and all wrong doings. That they can change their ways and turn straight to You. I pray for this upcoming election and beg of You to place the right leaders into office.  That you make them honest and righteous people that can start to pick up the pieces of this broken nation.
Jesus, I pray for the people of this country and that You soften their bruised, broken and hurting hearts. Lord please have the fighting against each other stop and have us come together as one nation. Please Jesus, have us all accept each others differences and allow us to see others as You see them for You love every single person that walks this earth. I pray that more heads and hearts can turn to You and Your gift of salvation. That more dead hearts can come alive because of You. That Your salvation can reach the ends the earth.
Lord, allow those that already love and believe in You to set Your example. That we show love and kindness regardless of how we are treated or any anger we may feel inside. Allow us to show this country Your glory and goodness. Allow us to let Your light shine so bright. 
It's all these things I pray in Your name Jesus, Amen.


This is a prayer I wrote out in my journal yesterday morning after turning on my local news station to see what's been happening in Charlotte, NC. I felt myself reaching for my journal to vent and complain when it then dawned on me:
We must pray for this nation and for each other as much as we want to complain about it. 
We all say how much we can't stand what's going on around us but yet sit back and expect it to become somebody else's responsibility to fix it. (Trust me, I'm preaching to myself here!)
NO MORE!
WAKE UP!
If the ONLY thing we are able to do is to show love, smile at somebody who walks past us, pay for somebody's gas or groceries, help a mom you see struggling at the store (the list seriously goes on and on) then we are contributing to the change more than we realize.
I love you all. Seriously, I do. This is a super great nation and I am so proud and honored to be considered an American. I want nothing more than to see this country thrive.
Be kind souls today and every day.
Much love <3

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Thrifty Galifty

Hello again!
I would first like to say a HUGE thank you to all who read, commented, and messaged me regarding my last post! Thank you for being an awesome blog community and some pretty cool friends/fam!

Secondly, when I decided to jump back into the blogging world, I knew I wanted to start branching out into other topics besides my faith and life lessons. (Which are 2 of my fave topics.) I have so many passions and interests that I would love to start writing about!

SO! With that being said..
Today I am going to talk about thrifting and what I am learning about it so far. I'm pretty much a newbie.

Earlier today, I went with Makenna (HUGE mistake haha) to a Goodwill store that's pretty much right down the street from our home. I will say that I do like to check out more local thrift shops then chains but I always seem to strike gold when I go to this Goodwill and plus, I was looking for something very specific.
The first I've learned about thrifting is to drop my daughter off with my parents, haha!
This goes along with the second thing I've learned about thrifting:
BE PATIENT!
And it is quite hard to be patient when my 2 year old is trying to escape the cart and grab everything she sees! So going solo or just without a child is better. No but seriously patience is much needed when on the quest to find awesome items. It takes time to sift through things (especially clothes) and find the hidden gems.

Here are a few things I found today!
I literally spend $10.48 on all of this. Everything except the picture frame all the way to the right (which is BRAND NEW from Walmart, still in the package and cost $.50!) is from Target. Everything but the grey shorts (I like grey, can you tell?) still had tags on it..including the cute, oversized grey sweatshirt, the lamp and that cute, little wall decor.

About that yellow wall decor!
Check out the original price on the price tag:
Can't see it? (Notice it's still in the box)
That's right, the original price of this little, glass thing for the wall cost $16.99!! WHAT?! I remember seeing this in target and thought, no way dude..I'll wait till they mark it down but even their clearance price was way too much to spend on this. I purchased this, brand new, still in the box for $1.25. Now THAT price is more like it!

The thing that I like the most about this Goodwill is that every week, Target brings over their clearance items that just aren't selling in the store and they donate it to the store. They had TONS of things (with tags still on it) such as shoes, jackets, other clothes, lamps (like the one you see in the picture) but all at a Goodwill price. 
It's all about learning which days to go! (Another thrifting tip!!)

Lindsey Turner, from the blog Thrift and Shout, has an awesome page of Thrift tips that I love to read and that you can to by clicking here. Her blog is also filled with all of her super cute thrift finds!

One more thing I'd like to chat about when it comes to thrifting lessons, is to not judge a book by its cover and give things a chance.
Take this lamp for example:
I have been looking for a small, cute lamp for the desk that we just put in our living room. I really couldn't bring myself to spend almost $20 on a CUTE, new lamp (that didn't even include the lamp shade) when all I needed it was for my desk. I found this one, with the tag still on it and didn't like it. I circled around the store and looked at the other lamps that were just poopy and made my way to picking this one up again. I decided that after some new paint to get rid of that black, some distressing, and a cute lamp shade from the store (that I can handle to spend, I guess) this, not my style, lamp could work! I am unaware of the original price but it only cost me $2.50 at Goodwill. I'll take that as a win :) I'll make sure to post the "after"! 


Well, that's all from my end friends! If any local pals ever want to take a thrift trip, just holler :)
Happy Thursday! Yay for Friyay tomorrow!!!
Much love!




Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Behind "Live Loved"

Hello there friends and Happy September!!
I literally have one million excuses for why I have fallen behind on this blog.
Honestly, life took a huge turn for the busy and our family has finally found some peace, calm, and new routine has made coming back to this blog even sweeter. And football season is back. YES!

Anyhoo! Welcome to the new, revamped blog! Everything from the layout and the title has had some work done to it and I pray you love it as much as I do!
If you're new to viewing, I would love for you to check out the "Get to know the blogger" page on the left column :)
I wanted to take today's post and lay out the reasoning behind the blogs new title "Live Loved." 

Let me start by saying, I had been wanting to return to this blog for several weeks now. Eric, Makenna and I had some events happen to us and I felt like the Lord has been pressing me to get our story out there. (Which will come at a later time.) Unfortunately, satan had some other plans. He wanted to see me take our recent life events and use them as an excuse to be bitter and angry and to pull away from Jesus. Which is exactly what had started to happen...
I quickly found myself heading down a road of depression. I had no appetite, I didn't want to see anybody except my child and my husband and even then, poor Eric received the blunt of my hurt, pain and frustration. All the while satan was behind the scenes grinning as wide as he could because he knew he was getting his way.
It wasn't until a huge argument on the home front that I (thanks to the Lord working tirelessly through my husband) had the chance to banish satan and his antics out loud and declare to move forward!
That was August 28th.
September 1st started MY official fall season. It was a brand new month and I could already feel a shift in the atmosphere and in my bones. I felt Jesus tugging and pulling at my heart for all sorts of different reasons. I woke up early that morning and immediately turned to my bible and journal and started praying and proclaiming away. I promised myself that I would never let my heart and spirit get that low again. That I would stay consistently in His word and in prayer. I prayed fiercely that Jesus would, that day, send me some kind of sign that I was going to be ok; that the dark trial was over for good.

Almost 10 minutes after that prayer, I logged into my email and found a random devotional from Lysa Terkeurst in my inbox. It was a 5 day plan you had to subscribe to called Untangling Hurt From Your Heart and it was labeled Day 1. The crazy thing I didn't subscribe to anything from her. As I read through it, I kept thinking how a lot of what was written could be applied to my life but it wasn't hitting me directly and I had planned to just tuck this devotion away for later use until I read this line: "The Lord can quiet our crazy thoughts with His love" and it went on saying about how we need to "live from the abundant place that you are loved." 
Then these two words appeared:
LIVE LOVED
It hit me. I felt like the blood had drained from my face and I started to weep. I thought about those 2 words so hard.
I thought about how Jesus just literally pulled me out from an awful and sad place. How He silenced those voices from the enemy because He loves me that much.
I thought about how it doesn't matter what hurtful circumstances have come and gone, it doesn't matter what hard and maybe hurtful trails are to come in the future. It doesn't matter who likes me and who doesn't. It doesn't matter who's approval I get and who's I don't. It doesn't matter if I try something and fail.
You know why?
BECAUSE I AM LOVED BY AND AM THE DAUGHTER OF THE SAVIOR OF THIS WORLD!
I am a princess in the eyes of my Father. He loves and cares for me SO MUCH that He sent His son to take my place on the cross.  He sent His son to die for my sin, my hurt and my shame.
THAT IS THE TRUEST LOVE ANY OF US WILL EVER SEE IN OUR LIFE!
It's the kind of love I want and my pray for my daughter to grow up knowing, seeking and craving; a love that I pray she feels everyday!
When I thought about it that day (and I mean really thought about it) and studied and looked at those two words, it truly struck my heart like lightening.
I pray these 2 words to encourage you today. I want you to think about how much different our perspective and outlook would be on life and our daily situations or circumstances if we walked around with the idea that we are loved, IMMENSELY, by Jesus Christ.
If we LIVE LOVED.
Because we are :)


Thank you for reading this friends! I look forward to being back on the blogging band wagon and have some yummy recipes that I'll soon be adding to "My Favorite Gluten Free Recipes" page so be on the lookout!

Much love!


**Oh and because I know you want to see how beautiful my, now, TWO year old is! ;)..