I know, I know it's been a LOOONG time since I've posted a new post! Life has been extremely busy and that's a good thing!
Eric and I are finally becoming home owners and will close on a our first home, sometime in July!
WOOHOO!
PRAISE!!
We are super excited and can't wait for this new chapter in our lives! God's timing has been more than perfect with this entire situation. I've learned to appreciate His silence because it's then I can only imagine what He's putting into place behind the scenes :)
SO..
today I did something bold, courageous and a little intimidating!
I bought..
a bathing suit.
To most of you this may not seem like a big deal but to me, it's HUGE!
I haven't worn a bathing suit since 2013.
Ok I did once when I was pregnant but it was at my in-laws house, around family only and I practically jumped into my towel the second I got out of the pool.
Well, Makenna and I have a play date at the lake on Friday. It's going to be a high of 99ยบ and there was no way I'd make it without getting into the water..not even with just a tank top and shorts.
So I decided it was time to stop hiding this body that motherhood has given me; to stop acting so ashamed.
I braved the heat today and went to Ross with Makenna I was surprised that I had picked out 8 bathing suits to try. I was feeling pretty down and disappointed trying them all on until I tried on THE one! It felt like I was shopping for my wedding dress! It fits so well and I am super happy with it. I can't wait to actually sport it on Friday with all my mommy friends! It's makes me feel how my old little black dress used to make me feel..
WONDERFUL!
But here's the thing..
I'm going to be totally honest, these past two weeks I have been down right miserable; about my hair (cutters remorse), my body and just the way I look in general. My (sweet, very patience and loving) husband has heard me whine about how I look, practically since I gave birth. I know a lot of moms feel this way, but for me, it's been so hard to stare in the mirror and look at something (my body) that is totally unrecognizable! I've been, mistakingly, comparing my body to other moms and wondering why my body didn't bounce back quite as fast as theirs did. I was body-shaming nobody but..myself!
It was only just last week, I cried myself to sleep not just because of how I looked but how I was feeling. Tired doesn't even begin to describe it, even if I get 8+ hours of sleep; my skin has been breaking out like a girl going through puberty and, oh my, I've just been feeling super sluggish. My eating habits have just become so out of control and I was beating myself up over it.
The last conversation I had with my husband about it, he wasn't..well..as gentle about as he has been. He was totally honest with me (he's one of my best accountability partners!) and said that if I don't like how I look and don't feel great about how I eat..then to do something about it!
How simple right??
So many things were on my mind when I went to sleep that night. Eric was right..why wasn't I doing anything about it? I kept making reasons not to try and feel my best: Pregnancy gave me a serious sweet tooth and I swear I crave more food breastfeeding then I did when I was pregnant! I have not even one athletic bone in my body and I would much rather sing for hours than go work out.
SO MANY EXCUSES!
I was praying to Jesus until I fell asleep that night. I wanted Him to give me a peace and a will to do better when it came to my body. I wanted Him to convict me if I needed convicting.
All that came through Him allowing me to tap into my own common sense and that it all comes down to this:
I CREATED LIFE.
I GAVE BIRTH TO A LITTLE HUMAN.
I HOUSED A TINY CREATURE IN MY BELLY FOR 9 (10) MONTHS!
My body may NEVER be the same again!
But it's ok!
The story that my body tells is amazing. Every stretch mark is a reminder of what it did. Every inch of loose skin is a reminder that my belly was Makenna's comfort, home and where God decided to bless me and placed her there to make me a mother.
The more I look at exercising or getting into shape as a way to lose weight and just look good, the more I don't want to do it. I just stare at the numbers on my scale instead of paying attention to how I feel.
I was so scared to go bathing suit shopping today and for what??
Because of what I may look like?
To who??
I have a husband who thinks I am beautiful and a daughter that got to hang out inside my belly for almost a year!
Honest time here: it's easy to preach/feel this when I'm on a high of how I looked today! It's so hard to think this every time I look in the mirror. My plan of action is to think back to today; of how I felt looking in the mirror at me wearing that bathing suit. It may not be an eensy weensy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini but I felt GOOD!! And for right now, even if just for today, that counts :)
I've made a promise to go about getting into shape in a whole new different direction..
•to eat right
•stay active with things I like to do (going for walks, running or riding my bike!)
•compliment myself on a regular basis
•be comfortable in a body that has done miraculous things!
We all go through it..the body shaming! To anyone that may be struggling with what they look like, in whatever way you may be struggling..you are BEAUTIFUL!
No really!!!!
YOU ARE!
My prayer today is that women all over the world can have a moment today, tomorrow and every day after where they can look at themselves and feel awesome! That you can all have your "little black suit" moment!
So much love to you all and I promise to post more than once a month ;)
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