Hey Lonely Mama

Hey friends!
So there is something that has been on my heart that I would love to get out there.

Motherhood has been so fantastic.
So beautiful, so humbling, so sweet and
so lonely.
Weird describing word huh?

Now I love being a stay-at-home mama.
I am so unbelievably blessed to have a husband that works so hard during the week so that he's able to provide for his family. I am so proud of him and thankful that I am blessed to stay home and raise Makenna. I am also blessed to have my parents so close to me to help out with Makenna when I need a second to myself.
But there's something that stay-at-home mama's don't want to talk about or don't want to admit in fear of seeming ungrateful...it's this sense of crushing loneliness that comes over our lives like a wave.
I've realized that motherhood can be so lonely.

I had so many plans for Makenna and I before she was born. We would grow up as close as my mom and I did, have long & deep conversations about faith and Jesus (we still have a little bit to go with that), we would experience so many firsts together and... we would make a ton of mommy and baby friends. 
I had pictured in my head of all the fun things I wanted to do with my future mommy friends: play dates all the time, library trips, day trips, duo family getaways.. I was certain going into motherhood that it would be a time in my life where I would make friends that I would consider soul sisters! I had always dreamed of having friends like that.
But now? Now that Makenna is almost 11 months old, I look around when I'm at the mall, the park or even at my church and I get sad (even a little jealous) at the close knit groups of parents that there are. Talking and laughing with each other, their kids playing around like they are siblings.

This is not me saying I have no friends, because I do! But life is busy and we all have different schedules. There are just not enough hours in the day sometimes for play dates, or wine whining to each other. Money can be tight for a lot of us to take that duo family vaca I long for. I am so grateful for the handful of mama (and non mama) friends I can count on but sometimes it's just not enough; I want more.
Selfish?
Sure!
Honest?
Brutally.
On a side note, to have great friends, you must be a great friend and I've been asking Jesus to help my heart understand and act out on this.

I'm sure this is just a funk or a phase; something I'm bound to move past.
I am trying to cherish this time as much as I humanly can. This time where Makenna constantly needs me, my attention and my love because I will never have these moments with her again.
But..
If you're a lonely mama reading this, just know you're not alone and it's OK to feel this way.
This can just be a difficult time in our life to make new friends and sometimes keep them. Sometimes I feel like making new friends is harder than dating!!
Feeling lonely in a crowded room is not uncommon and I understand it.
I hope and pray by reading this post you know that there is somebody else out there feeling the same way you do and know, this too, shall pass.

So much to you all <3