Dear Amanda,
You are amazing.
Beautiful. Talented. Unique. Special.
It's your senior year of high school; you're getting ready to venture out into the big world and you're feeling anything but those qualities I used to describe you. Hear me when I say your smile can light up a room and that singing voice you've been working so hard on to perfect really IS that good.
You'll grow into your awkward chest, you finally discover what makeup is and no, your rump never gets bigger. Sorry. Oh and by the way, you are BY NO MEANS fat. There's going to come a time when you look back on pictures from this moment and pray to God that you could have that body back. Appreciate that body. Be kind to it.
Ignore those that hold no real significant meaning in your life. I know it's hard to turn away from the whispers behind your back or the dirty looks in the chorus room but I promise that 2,3 even 4 years down the road those fellow classmates will be even further then a distant memory. Block it out the best you can because you won't see about 99.9% of them again after graduation.
It's OK that your grades suck. Academics has never and will never be your "thing." Just keep singing. Pour your heart and soul into it! Try your best to be able to graduate and don't worry about the rest. Enjoy the memories of singing in all the different choirs you're in now, ALL State or performing in your last drama performance. It'll be the last time you're on stage for quite a while.
Be prepared for the biggest heartbreak of your life. You will think he is your first love but I promise, he's not even close to what your first love really feels life. This boy will lead you to new and, what feels like, exciting places. You feel on top of the world. It doesn't last. The relationship is toxic and brings you to a place in your life that you never thought you'd be. When it ends, your heart is going to feel like the biggest rock came and crushed it. Pick yourself up. You're soon going to be in a new place soon and experience new things. which all leads you to meeting the man of your dreams!
This man will be your first love. This man is not looking for love when you meet and vice versa. But he sweeps you off your feet in an instant. You both fall madly in love with each other very quickly. He loves and adores you for who you are and doesn't take advantage or try and change you. He accepts all your baggage and does his best to mend your heart every day. He will change your world. He wants to marry, love and protect you for the rest of your life. So don't be jealous of the marriages your surrounded by. Don't go searching for him. Don't worry when it doesn't work out with anyone else. Your prince charming is on his way. He is worth the wait.
You're going to lose friends and even family but don't sweat it. It's hard and to this day you will mourn the loss of some of those people from your life. But those that are meant to be in your life will stay around and the friends that you make down the road are simply amazing! They want nothing but to build you up, make you laugh and just love and support you! Keep the negative energy away from you even if that means ending friendships you thought would last forever. You marry into a wonderful family with a sister-in-law who becomes a best friend. These are the people worth sticking around.
You're going to question God. A lot. Keep chasing Him. Follow that feeling in your gut and, yes, change your college major to ministry. Keep building your relationship with Jesus. Trust in Him because the road is long and hard to get to where we are now. Things are about to happen in your life that will shatter your soul. Keep seeking Him. He has plans to save you. He has plans to bring a church into your life that will help move mountains in your heart. He has plans to prosper you and create miracles in your life that you never thought possible.
Like a baby. Yes despite what you might have said in the past, you ARE going to be a mommy. It's going to be the sweetest time in your life. You are going to wake up every day, look at that baby and feel more then blessed. I promise! It will have taken a lot of time, patience and prayer to have her enter the world but she is more then worth it. She is one of the greatest things to have ever happened to you. She will help you grow up and love your husband even more. Enjoy every second, take a deep breath and know you're an awesome mom!
Lastly, give your mom and dad a break. Yes they get upset when you do something wrong, yes they have to discipline you but it's for the greater good. Cling tight to them because they love you more then anything in this world. A love that you will understand the second you have your own baby. Your relationship with them goes downhill and stays there for a while. It does get better. The hurt heals and the relationship begins to flourish again. Remain honest when you get there and you will all be ok. They will be your best friends and people you see every day. You will get told how much you look, sound, act like your mom and don't even try to act like that bothers you. Because you love it! :)
Take time to be happy, give yourself a pat on the back and know that the best is yet to come. Your life goes through so many ups and downs but it's worth it all to get to where you will be in 6-7 years. Be kind to others and don't lose your free spirit. Don't conform to what the world wants you to be. Be strong and hang in there for the ride.
It's a beautiful one.
First day of senior year :)
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