Dear Sweet, Infertile Friend

Dear Infertile Friend,
First let me say:
You are NOT alone!
My infertility journey was frustrating, scary, lonely, confusing but most importantly..humbling. 
My sweet, sweet husband did the absolute best he could with being supportive. We knew the problem was me, we just couldn't figure out why.
I wrote a post called The Story of Our Miracle Baby that I encourage you to read. Our story may not be the same but the pain still runs deep.
Let me say that there is nothing wrong with you. You were not made broken because our Creator loves you way too much to have made you that way.
I want you to know that, with Mothers Day coming up, that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and hurting with you. That day for me was a huge smack of a reminder of what I didn't have. I know how hard it's going to be and I know that no words are going to make it better. But know that my gift to you that day is my ear that is willing to listen as long as you need me to.
I want you to know that I am here. Here to listen, to get angry with you and to cry with you.
I understand that you look at others with envy and I do not judge when you get irritable being around families with children.
I was the same way.
Infertility takes away so much: a normal sex life, your money, your patience, and your sanity.
I kept track of temps, marked days on the calendar and googled every pinge or twinge of a symptom I felt. I spent more than my fair share of time and energy peeing on sticks and getting the same, negative result.
I understand that what worked for me will not work for you, being as we are all crafted differently.
What I NEED you to understand is that the Creator of the universe will not leave you out in the cold. He will meet you where you are. He will comfort you, guide you and bless you the more you trust Him with this situation.
I can promise you that Jesus will take your tears and pain and turn this into progress. The two years of infertility issues we went through were so that I could finally hand over the control I had on my life and give it all to Him. He wants us to take painful and just plain awful situations and use them to draw closer to Him. His purpose for my pain is to reach out to others, like you, with open arms and tell you that I understand.
I GET IT! 
I found GRACE through our infertility. I found compassion and I found mercy through Jesus.
I promise you that He has been working behind the scenes to conduct a marvelous plan for all of this. It may not be what we have in mind but I promise that it will be better than we could have ever planned for ourselves!
Hang in there.
Reach out to others going through the same thing.
Reach out to others that have been where you are and can help.
If I could go back and tell myself anything it would be to say: that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to feel bitter. It's ok to have a glass of wine and forget a night of taking a prenatal vitamin. Find support and reach out to others. Don't beat myself up and don't ever, ever feel like something is wrong with me.

I adore you sweet friend. I am here for you.
MUCH, MUCH LOVE <3

If you or somebody know is struggling with infertility, here are a couple of link I want to share as valuable resources:
National Infertility Awareness Week 
Daily Strength
Fertility Lifelines
and of course: gfmamaj@gmail.com

My top To Do's for this summer!

Hey guys!

I am SO super excited for this summer. Eric and I have been making plans, here and there, and I can't wait for all them! 

Eric is originally from South Carolina and since working in a field that requires him to travel all over the state, he's seen quite a bit. I, on the other hand, have not. We have been living here since October 2012 and I've only seen a fraction of what this beautiful state has to offer! I've been doing research on some family and budget friendly things to see and do this spring/summer and I've finally narrowed down a list. Here's what I am most looking forward to doing this summer:

1) Visit the Anderson campus of NewSpring church. For the past year and a half, on Sundays, I have been watching, my pastor, Perry Noble, live and would LOVE to go to watch him preach in person and maybe get the chance to meet him! I suggested to Eric for us to try and do this the weekend before my birthday (May 20th by the way, haha!) and he seemed fond of the idea. We would be able to check out the town the night before and I am super excited to put Makenna into KidSpring there! 

2) Go see a movie at The Big Mo. That name just makes it sound like a great time, doesn't it?! This is a drive-in movie theatre that I've been told about so many times. A night under the stars in the warm summer air, surrounded by popcorn and blankets. I LOVE IT!

3) Camping trip! I've never been camping. I mean, besides somebody's backyard, haha. I've heard that Edisto beach (in SC) is great for camping and hope that's something we can do this spring before it gets too hot! I'm not quite sure how I would be in a camping environment. Makenna will probably do better than me, haha! But I'm certain if there's plenty of food and an air mattress, I'll be just fine :) Any tips for first time campers?? Please share!!

4) CAROWINDS! I mean come on! I've lived in SC for two and half years and have yet to visit this place! When I was little, I wasn't a huge roller coaster fan and honestly, I have such a huge phobia of heights. But the older I get, roller coasters just seem to be an exception! This isn't a great place for Makenna to go to right now, so we would definitely make this a day or group date! Plus they have gluten free chicken tenders and french fries there! YES!!

5) I'm choosing Folly Beach over Myrtle Beach for this year. Folly Beach is located in Charleston County and from the looks of it, seems so historical; which I am super into! Eric travels into Charleston so often for work and has been longing to bring me there to visit. I feel like going to Folly Beach might be a little easier on our wallets since Myrtle Beach is super touristy. I definitely would love to get some beach time in this summer and I hope my research proves me right with this one!

6) Makenna's first birthday party! OH MY GOSH! I have already started to plan her party (picking through themes, location, budget, etc.) and have LOVED it! I am trying to be the mom that embraces and gets excited seeing her baby grow up instead of mourning the time passing. Planning her birthday is helping me do just that! I have a few themes to run by Eric and once we can both agree (that should be interesting!) then the party planning shall officially commence!!

7) This may not happen this spring or summer, but I would love, love, love to take a trip to Gatlinburg, TN this fall :) I've been there twice before and loved each time! I've never been the biggest nature fan but there is nothing like being up in the mountains and having a moment to just..think, reflect and enjoy the tremendous amount of beauty surrounding you. Makenna would be walking by fall and would be able to enjoy some of the things they have for kids! Plus places like this are always cheaper to do in an off season!

8) I look forward to doing the little things there are to do around where we are: fishing, hiking, museums, walking trails, BBQ's with family and friendships, bonfires and shopping ;)

I am so blessed and thankful to have such a fun, wonderful and sweet family to be able to grow and do things with! The friendships that I've made so far this year have been an amazing blessing and I am happy to have them to plan with as well! These next few months have been much anticipated and The Lord has so many plans and changes in our future that I am so excited for. I look forward to taking the time to step aside from all the changes and enjoy our time as a family.
I would love to hear what plans you have for the upcoming months! Any vacations? Just relaxing at home? Have suggestions for me to add to the list? Any day trip ideas? Let me know :) gfmamaj@gmail.com
I pray that whatever it is you are doing in the warmer weather that Jesus brings you many blessings and endless joy!
Much love!!

We took a nice walk to the park with Daddy today and had so much fun on the slide :) I adore these two!!

#beyougoals

A few weeks ago, my sweet friend Morgan, (check her out over at Yellow Door Diaries) sent our small group an email with a link to a video made by Sadie Robertson. If haven't seen the video yet, you can watch it here.
In the video, Sadie talks about the latest hashtag trend that is all over social media.
For those who do not know what hashtag is or means (you'd be surprised!), dictionary.com defines it as:

noun

1.

(on social-networking websites) a word or phrasepreceded by a hash mark (#), used within amessage to identify a keyword or topic of interestand facilitate a search for it:

The latest trend has been all about commenting on the picture or status of somebody that posts about their life and hash-tagging "#___goals"

I've seen this range from "#thighgapgoals", "#beautygoals", "#friendshipgoals", or the most popular: "#relationshipgoals"

As Sadie says it's all about people comparing themselves to others and wanting to reach a goal to have what another person has or be like another person. She goes deep into what her own personal issues with jealousy and other flaws that she has. Sadie mentions how she wants to see a world filled with confidence and to have all of us strive to be the best "YOU" that we can be.

I couldn't agree with this video more. I give her SO much credit for putting herself out there to speak about what GOD laid on her heart. How she spoke to confidently about being content with what God gives YOU and not looking to others for that contentment. 

I know that this "goal" thing is a just a form of joking (maybe I just don't have a sense of humor?) around but is it really? 

Let's face it, we live in a world where jealously can rear it's ugly head into us at any moment. We've all looked on the other side of the fence and wondered what it would be like if we could have what that person has, or look like that person does.

I'm SO super guilty of this. I am no where near the size 2 I used to be. I struggled with (and come on, honestly, I still sometimes do) looking at other women who were in good shape and super skinny with such jealously. I couldn't just recognize how God made them beautiful, just like He did with me. I focused on how I didn't even come close to having a waist that tiny. Instead of looking at my body and realizing that I was blessed enough to house a tiny human for 9 months!

Another example? My marriage. I see husbands that shower their wives with flowers and jewelry and sometimes felt animosity toward my husband because I didn't get that from him. I forgot about what he DOES give me. How laughter, emotional support and physical love works so much better in our marriage then material things. It's always been that way and I couldn't be more happy.
Like mentioned in the video, this doesn't mean to not have goals! This doesn't mean that you can't look up to and admire other people! I love to model my marriage and how I parent my daughter after my parents. They are such an inspiring example of strength, love and patience to me. But while looking up to them is great, I keep in mind that we are all different people. Eric and I do what's best for ourselves and our family at the end of the day.
I hope this is all making sense :)

Sadie uses 1 Samuel 16:17 as a reference in the video:
 7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but theLord looks at the heart.”

YES! This verse is SO beautiful! How nice would it be to look at others the way The Lord looks at us? To look at one another's heart instead of their looks? To stop comparing and start appreciating!! Appreciating what we have AND what others have. It's hard, I know, (this is why we are no where near how perfect Jesus is!) but we NEED to find contentment not in what this world will give us, but with what God gives us.
Why are we struggling so hard to be like everyone else when our Creator spent so much time crafting and putting us together?
I am not kidding when I say WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!! 
Seriously! We all have something we are good at and can contribute to this world.
So what if you don't have a thigh gap?! (Join the club, haha!) So what if your neighbor is driving a Bentley and you're still driving your Honda Civic from high school?
So what if her eyebrows are thick and shaped to perfection and you can barely see the hairs on yours?
So what if your friends husbands buys her flowers and diamond earrings and yours takes you to Chic-Fil-A for a date? (Totally prefer Chic-Fil-A!!!)
There is contentment in JESUS! There is beauty found in JESUS! There is peace in JESUS! There is peace in knowing how much He loves and cares for us how we are, how we look and will always come to where we are RIGHT NOW! There is peace in knowing that He gives and promises us FAR more then anything this world can ever offer.

As Sadie said in the video, I, as well, know that God might not be a thing for some people but I want to challenge you as well to try something new. See what this Jesus guy is all about because I PROMISE He does not give disappointment like this world can give.
I think each one of you are so special and beautiful.
If there is anything you'd like to touch on that I haven't in this post, or just want to chat about, you know where to find me: gfmamaj@gmail.com
MUCH, MUCH LOVE!

P.S. Lets create some new hashtags eh?
#beyourselfgoals
#beorigionalgoals
#beyougoals
Lets start to use social media to inspire others and tell them they are great! Throw somebody a compliment and see how it can change their day!

Called to be BOLD

We ALL have fears about something.
Whether it be spiders (seriously!), clowns, heights, animals, etc.
Sometimes it's more serious things like dying, cancer, divorce, love. (Yes I said love)
Over the past few years I could describe myself as coming a bit more "wimpy." I know that sounds a little harsh but it's nothing but truth. I have allowed the hurt of my past completely take over how bold and courageous I used to be with everything; music, new adventures but most importantly, people.
I have almost been scared to make friends; to allow people in or go out and be that social butterfly I once was. I have a fear of rejection and of others not liking me. A fear of letting someone too close, they take what they need from me and then leave. I was that way when I met Eric and I'm still struggling with it with other people.
This once outgoing and friendly girl is now shy and meek.
I absolutely love being a follower of Jesus. I love how I have a forever best friend. Someone that finds a way to hold me accountable, to guide me and, well, having somebody die for you is a pretty big deal so questioning His loyalty just isn't something I do anymore. I just love how He reaches me right where I am, without missing a beat.
Where am I going with this?
Last month, I was reading a devotion and it was focused around this verse:

Such a GREAT verse.

I started to think hard about MY boldness; if my fears were getting in the way of what I wanted to do with my life. If my fears were keeping me from friendships, dreams, or just going out and reaching the lost like He asks me to do. I was getting frustrated because I knew I wasn't being strong and courageous like I wanted to. 

Just then, on Pandora, Courageous by Casting Crowns came on. 

We were made to be courageous

We were made to lead the way

We could be the generation

That finally breaks the chains

We were made to be courageous

We were made to be courageous

We were warriors on the front lines

Standing, unafraid

But now we're watchers on the sidelines

While our families slip away

I love this song. I've heard it before and knew what the meaning of the song was but never directly applied it to my life. Jesus knew exactly what I needed to hear and when I needed to hear it. It put a spark in my heart. A spark that only He could've ignited. 

I know that I don't need to be afraid of anything. I can do anything with His strength and courage that He gives me.

Since that moment, it has been made clear that I'm being called into ministry. I have applied and been accepted into a college to keep furthering my education. I ran a 5K, started to volunteer in a few different areas at church and I even made some new mommy friends :)

We are given only a short amount of borrowed time here on this earth. I want to make the most out of it and the gifts that Jesus has given me. I can't do that while hiding in my house, away from the world because of a fear of rejection or getting hurt.

Look at what Jesus went through while trying to teach a message. He was hated on, ridiculed, beaten and then faced death. All so that I can continue his teachings and love on as many people as I can.

Do you have any fears? Anything you feel is holding you back from living your life? 

He calls us to be bold for a reason, and we NEED to know that He has our back! 

So go and be bold. Go out for that job you were thinking about. or go for hike up a mountain you've been wanting to check out or even go to a circus and take a picture with a clown. Haha!

Whatever it may be, I know you can do it and He knows too! He'll let you know if you're not going down the right path.

Thoughts, comments, questions?

gfmamaj@gmail.com

Much love to you!

P.S. Check out Courageous by Casting Crowns:

Home IS where the heart is

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13 

Eric and I have been longing to be home owners. We love the idea of making such a huge purchase, that we have worked for, together. Of starting to plant roots for our family and just make a house our own. It has been a long and frustrating road. One minute I feel peace about the situation and the next, I'm crying into a pillow because of where we are living now.

But the more I pray over this verse, the more I look at the big picture, the more I talk to The Lord about this situation and the more that I TRUST His timing...the more I am

CONTENT.

I was thinking about our housing situation last night (again!) while giving my daughter a bath. I watched her play, laugh and splash in her little bath tub, chewing on her rubby duckie. I thought to myself how blessed I am to have a safe, warm and happy place for my daughter to do something as simple as take a bath. She has a small but BEAUTIFUL nursery that was painted and decorated with love and by family. My little family was able to take a walk with each other, in the sunshine, and feed ducks at a near by pond. Eric and I have a comfy and safe place to lay our head down at night when we go to sleep.

For the past two years, since we started trying to buy a home, I have pouted and have been so bitter over not having a home without even thinking of what home REALLY is. 

A home is a place filled with the most sweetest God-given love. A place where my daughter can learn and develop, as well as, Eric and I! A place where we can make memories and share laughs, tears and prayer. I've lost sight of what a home is supposed to be and got caught up in the material aspect of it.

I know that Jesus has our future in the palm of His hands and who better right?! It's so hard to loosen the grips of control on some situations but keeping the simple fact in my head that He ONLY wants good things for our life, makes trusting Him easier.

A house is coming; our plans of landscaping, decorating and hosting holidays is coming. But in the mean time we have a HOME and that is way more important.

Learning to be content with what I have is learning not to look at the lives of others with envy. To look at others, who may have what you dream of , and be pleased that God is fulfilling His plan for them as well! Plus, why would God trust ME with whats's next if I can't be content with all that He's blessed me with already?

I strive to use my "waiting time" to grow closer to God and lean on Him, which at the end of the day, is what He really wants.

I am proud of how Eric and I, with much help, have made our situation be the best it can be!

Are you waiting for something? A new season in life? A new job? Maybe a relationship? I can promise you that you are no where near waiting alone. Share your thoughts, hopes and dreams with me any time you'd like! gfmamaj@gmail.com

Remember His plan > ours. Always! 

Much love!

-Check out my recipes page that has two new yummy and gluten free recipes that I added! :)

Here are some pictures from our little family walk. I'm always thankful for the time we have together as a family because there are some weeks it's far and few :)

Makenna loves being outside!

I love this open view of the sun setting that I am so blessed to see almost every evening :)

Makenna and her daddy feeding the ducks!