I am NOT Supermom

And I don't have to be.
Nor do I WANT to be.
This all came upon me last night as my husband and I were tucking ourselves into bed at 8:30. Yes 8:30! We were asleep before 9 and I didn't wake up until 7:45 am when laughter from my baby alarm clock came blaring through the baby monitor.
Makenna is 5 and a half months old and while I feel like I'm being the best mother I can be, (thank You Jesus!) there is one thing I need to stop doing:
Putting so much pressure on myself. RELAX
Over the past few years my anxieties have grown beyond my control. It's been taking a lot of prayer and work on my part, through the direction and grace of God, to just relax. My, somewhat of a, type A personality means the house can never be a mess, Makennas room has be organized and God forbid if the shirts in our dresser get out of their neat, little stack. I start to sweat when Eric doesn't take off his shoes after coming in from outside and I see dirt all over a freshly swept floor. The dishes on the drying rack need to be in a specific order, as well as, the items in our refrigerator.
I've realized that trying to control every aspect of my life leaves me feeling exhausted, aggravated and defeated. After Eric and I said our nightly prayer last night and we both turned over to our sides to fall asleep, I started to pray on my own. I prayed to God that He would seriously move in my heart and help me relax. That He would seriously allow me to loosen to the, extremely, tight grip I have on my life and let Him take over the control. I've done this before and the outcome has been great but I always seem to get right back into that anxious state.
This side of me is spilling over into my journey of motherhood.
I feel like it's a personal race to strive to get Mama of the Year. I strive to give my baby only breast milk, which I've been able to do successfully, and feed her and our family organic everything, a home cooked meal for Eric and I when he gets home every night, the house being spotless, laundry done, lunches packed for the next day, meals prepped, make it to every mommy and baby play date there ever was in all the world  to keep Makenna socializing and make myself look presentable every day.
PHEW!
The list and the pressure goes on and on of all that I feel needs to be done on the daily.
So as we were laying in bed last night...
At 8:30 PM..
With dishes in the sink..
The cat liter not scooped..
And I'm praying to God to relieve some of this pressure, and to keep me from going into the kitchen and washing Erics chocolate milk cup..
He gives me my answer.
Just STOP. Turn off my brain for a SECOND and listen to Him. Stop trying to do it all. I am raising a little human, all day and everyday. It goes by so fast and I need to start enjoying the moments I have with her and my husband and not worry about all the little stuff. God was putting on my heart that I need to stop being the uppity, in control, super mom and super wife person that I've become. I'm missing moments and snuggles and time with my rapidly growing, little baby because the dishes NEED to be done the second the last bite from dinner reaches our mouth. I mean, come on!
I'm going to have my moments. I'm a woman and I'm human! But for the most part, I'm ready to let it go. I've surrendered my life to the One who wants to take all my burdens, worries and anxieties and handle them FOR me! So that I can enjoy life for all it's worth and not worry about the unmade bed. Or the fact that I had a 3 Musketeers chocolate bar instead of an apple for a snack.
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7
I going to spend a lot more time focusing and meditating on the verse above because it screams truth! 
I do not have to be a super wife!
I do not have to be a super mom!
I just need to do right for my little family, for others and most importantly, for God.
Like I said in my last post, I Am Learning.., I'm doing just fine. I CAN give myself a pat on the back sometimes (or like everytime I pump 20 oz of milk). I have so much love and happiness, in me, that I want to spread to so many people, especially my family, and I need just need to not get caught up and give my sole attention to the wrong things. I'm prepared for God to start changing my heart. 

Have something on your mind? Anything you need to get off your chest? You know where to reach me and I LOVE hearing from you: gfmamaj@gmail.com
Much love! 

I've loved doing life with these two and it's the most beautiful to watch how God moves through our lives.

Happy One Year Anniversary Jesus!

One whole year already!

November 5th, 2013 was the day that my husband and I attended the ownership class at Newspring. We almost didn't make it, wanting to do something else and thinking the class wouldn't be more then a 15 minute, get to know the church, type thing.

Little did we know how miraculous and life changing it was going to be for us! We were saved right there at the class, together!

Eric and I were not meant to find Jesus alone and I am so blessed He brought me to Eric so we can do it together. Having our relationship constantly grow together is such a beautiful thing to watch for me.

Life did not automatically become picture percect. This past year has been a whirlwind of laughter, tears, anger, frustration, joy and the most love I've ever felt in my life. The Lord just continues to pour His blessings all over us, even when the times are hard! The trials He has and is putting us through has made us closer as a couple and I have been able to get out there and help others with what we've been through. As I've said before, He uses our past for purpose. I wouldn't change the sequence of events for anything. It's all leading us to a greater purpose.

I am SO very excited for what is to come from here. I am always looking for my next step in this walk with Jesus. The best really is yet to come and I know that our hand will be held the entire way by a God who cannot wait to give us all He has in store for us. He really does want great gifts for His children!!!

I promise you, it's a beautiful freedom. It's a peace in knowing that, even though I may not be where I want to be, He is taking care of me and I am far better off then I was before. His love has pulled Eric and I through so many dark times. I pray for EVERYBODY to have a relationship with Jesus.

God is calling me to be bold and I am ready! I am so blessed to be in the process of becoming part of Newspring's worship band. I have been praying to be lead to serve in that way for a while; waiting for the right season in life to go ahead and audition. Music is such a huge part of my soul and I know it was given to me to use for the greater good of Him. Eric is also busy serving at church and really likes the area he's settled in! So if you see him directing traffic in the parking lot, give him a wave!! He's probably the tallest volunteer they have, haha!

These are our best days and most humble beginnings. It took me a while to appreciate what I have, what I don't have and what we are working toward. I am God's project and my heart and love for Him grows stronger everyday. I am so thankful for Newspring and all it has done to help Eric and I reach this point in our life. I cannot wait to see Makenna start attending Kidspring. The volunteers and staff members are just wonderful with teaching the kids Jesus on their level and I know she will love it :)

The best is yet to come.

On a different note, I am almost done with my holiday shopping! Woo hoo!! I have a few more little things to get to put together for family and for little M but I am so close to being done. That means I can go out on Black Friday and be selfish ;) Haha! No, but really, I just wanted to enjoy Makenna's first Christmas season not having to worry about running around and shopping like a mad woman.

Have any on you all put a dent in your Holiday shopping list?

Well, I am off to the flea market today to find some goodies! Hope you all have a great Hump Day!

If ANY of you want to talk to me about Jesus, forming a relationship with Him, any questions or comments, or you just want to get something off your chest PLEASE shoot me an email: gfmamaj@gmail.com. I love hearing from y'all!

Spread some joy out here today.

Much love!

I just LOVE them! :)

We all have a story to tell

The story of how I came to know Christ is not one I share quite often. It brings up unwanted memories of a past that, to this day, I struggle to accept. But the more I progress in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel Him calling me. Calling me to be bold and share the news of how He saved me. I kept dismissing those calls and when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't go that far. I would keep the posts light and positive; only lightly talking about what Jesus does in my life.
Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39 

It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.

So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!

I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed. 

My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.

Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me. 

This was only the very beginning.

Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence. 

November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!

Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies. 

But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.

I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY.  I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again. 

It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.

But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.

In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out. 

Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.  

In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about. 

That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together. 

I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same. 

If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone. 

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok. 

If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com

You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.

MUCH love!