Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39
It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.
So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!
I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed.
My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.
Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me.
This was only the very beginning.
Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence.
November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!
Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies.
But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.
I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY. I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again.
It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.
But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.
In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out.
Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.
In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about.
That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together.
I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same.
If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone.
I AM FREE
I AM SAVED
So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok.
If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com
You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.
MUCH love!
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