Hey Lonely Mama

Hey friends!
So there is something that has been on my heart that I would love to get out there.

Motherhood has been so fantastic.
So beautiful, so humbling, so sweet and
so lonely.
Weird describing word huh?

Now I love being a stay-at-home mama.
I am so unbelievably blessed to have a husband that works so hard during the week so that he's able to provide for his family. I am so proud of him and thankful that I am blessed to stay home and raise Makenna. I am also blessed to have my parents so close to me to help out with Makenna when I need a second to myself.
But there's something that stay-at-home mama's don't want to talk about or don't want to admit in fear of seeming ungrateful...it's this sense of crushing loneliness that comes over our lives like a wave.
I've realized that motherhood can be so lonely.

I had so many plans for Makenna and I before she was born. We would grow up as close as my mom and I did, have long & deep conversations about faith and Jesus (we still have a little bit to go with that), we would experience so many firsts together and... we would make a ton of mommy and baby friends. 
I had pictured in my head of all the fun things I wanted to do with my future mommy friends: play dates all the time, library trips, day trips, duo family getaways.. I was certain going into motherhood that it would be a time in my life where I would make friends that I would consider soul sisters! I had always dreamed of having friends like that.
But now? Now that Makenna is almost 11 months old, I look around when I'm at the mall, the park or even at my church and I get sad (even a little jealous) at the close knit groups of parents that there are. Talking and laughing with each other, their kids playing around like they are siblings.

This is not me saying I have no friends, because I do! But life is busy and we all have different schedules. There are just not enough hours in the day sometimes for play dates, or wine whining to each other. Money can be tight for a lot of us to take that duo family vaca I long for. I am so grateful for the handful of mama (and non mama) friends I can count on but sometimes it's just not enough; I want more.
Selfish?
Sure!
Honest?
Brutally.
On a side note, to have great friends, you must be a great friend and I've been asking Jesus to help my heart understand and act out on this.

I'm sure this is just a funk or a phase; something I'm bound to move past.
I am trying to cherish this time as much as I humanly can. This time where Makenna constantly needs me, my attention and my love because I will never have these moments with her again.
But..
If you're a lonely mama reading this, just know you're not alone and it's OK to feel this way.
This can just be a difficult time in our life to make new friends and sometimes keep them. Sometimes I feel like making new friends is harder than dating!!
Feeling lonely in a crowded room is not uncommon and I understand it.
I hope and pray by reading this post you know that there is somebody else out there feeling the same way you do and know, this too, shall pass.

So much to you all <3

My heart is filled with more then just turkey!

Happy Post Thanksgiving! 
I trust that your day of food, family, friends and thanks was a great one.
Ours was one for the books because we had our sweet little turkey this year! Despite Makenna not feeling well, she was happy the entire day. Our family loved being around her and she was passed around quite a bit to get a little bit of love from everyone. By the end of the evening, we still followed her nightly routine of bath and bottle at 7:30 pm and she fell asleep just like this in her daddy's old childhood room:

So now that we (well at least The Janson family) have officially entered the holiday season, I am SO excited! Christmas shopping for a baby is the best and most fun. I never want to rush Makenna growing up but I look forward to when she is old enough to understand the real meaning behind Christmas.

Christmas last year meant the most to me then it had any other year. It was my first Christmas celebrating as a saved Christian. I focused more on the fact that it was to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior then the Hallmark aspect of it. (And of course finding out we were pregnant!!!)

To think of what God gave to us that night when Jesus was born is overwhelming and the more my relationship grows with him, the more I am absolutely in love with this holiday. I will do all I can as a mother and a servant to God to teach our children how important and special Christmas really is without all the presents and "getting." How important it is to, not only give all year around but especially through the holiday season. I hope they grow to learn and love Jesus as much as Eric and I do :) My heart feels so warm and full of love going into this holiday season. I cannot wait to see what this Christmas brings for our family and also for our church!

These past four days have been so nice having Eric around. With him working and being away so much, it's always nice and important to make time as a family to build our own memories around this time. And these past few days, we sure have! We finished decorating our little fifth wheel with what we could fit. It'll be nice to have a home next year where we can put up a Christmas tree and lights. All in do time ;)

Last night we had a fire over at my parents house. We had peppermint, hot cocoa and s'mores in front of the fire pit and it was a nice time. Family really is so important to me and I am blessed to have a husband that feels the same way! I look forward to so many wonderful years as a family and I can't wait to watch it grow. 

Here are a few pictures from our time together these past few days:

Our wonderful turkey that my in-laws made for Thanksgiving. They are SUPER good chefs!!!

We got together with our bible study friends for some desert and fellowship the following night. Caught Eric in the act of eating his 20th cookie, haha, and there's our friend Sam in the background! 

Our sweet baby slept in her crib for the first time last night and I totally cried. She is getting so big, so fast!! I love her to pieces!

The awesome fire my dad and Eric made. There's our yummy s'mores plate!

(For gluten free smores, I just used two pieces of Hershey's mini chocolate bars to sandwich a marshmallow! YUM!)

I hope all of you had some nice time off this week so spend with those who matter most to you!And as we enter the holiday season with full force, remember to not get so caught up in all the presents and decorations, etc. Think about giving more then you'll receive this year. Head over to your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter and really spend time with those that need the love and grace, that Jesus equips us with, the most! I hope you all have a great Sunday and as always I'm here for you to reach out to about anything: gfmamaj@gmail.com

MUCH LOVE xoxo

Just a little something to make you LOL!

Inhale love, exhale gratitude

I absolutely adore this time of year. The chill in the air starts to set in for winter, everyone is busy holiday shopping, and families are getting together for one very special dinner of thanks! It's crazy to think that this time last year, I was already pregnant with Makenna and didn't even know it. Now she's here and I'm able to hold my sweet babe while stuffing my face with turkey this year.
I am so thankful for all that has happened in our lives this past year. I shamefully realize how much I take for granted every single day. Yes my roof may leak when it rains, but it's still shelter from the cold. My car may be in the shop every other month, but I am still able to get around. I may get my yearly sinus infection but for the most part, my family and I have our health. We may not be rich but my husband has an amazing job that's able to take care of us and provide us with an amazing, stable life. When times get hard, I don't always remember how great I really have it. God has blessed my little family with so much and I should recognize and be thankful for all of it every single day of the year.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.  For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. 

Psalm 95:2-3

With all the hate that has spread all over the news the past few days, this leads me to want to jump into my community even more. To take this relationship I have with Jesus by the hand and bring it everywhere I possibly can. I have been feeling even more appreciative of where I am at emotionally and spiritually today. This country needs love. This world needs love. Why not pour that sweet love we have inside of us to those who so desperately need it most this upcoming holiday season? And when the holidays are over, lets carry that with us wherever we go. There are so many places and opportunities where we can extend a loving and lending hand. I challenge all of you to take time this holiday season to reach out to anyone you may feel needs it.
Life can be made beautiful no matter what hand we are dealt. Focus on what you DO have tomorrow and what others would do anything for.
I pray all of you have a warm and happy Thanksgiving with whoever you may be spending it with. May your belly be full and your heart even fuller.
Much love to you all!

Five more things I am thankful for:

*A place to call home

*Our health

*How much progress Eric and I have made in our marriage

*Date nights

*Grace

Oh the weather outside is..delightful!

Hey y'all! 
Happy Saturday and Happy November!
The first of the month is always my favorite time to set new goals and this months goal will be so really start shedding away those baby lbs! I'm eating good, I just need to start moving more. I'm determined to make this month, the month! Any workout tips my fellow moms may have are more then welcome to throw some my way :)
So today, we woke up to this:

This was the last thing I expected to see when I woke up to feed Makenna this morning and even now at 3:30 in the afternoon, it's not even 45 degrees and very windy! The snow was so pretty and hey, fun fact: 

It hasn't snowed in SC, in November, since 1913! So we are a part of some very cool history. It was Makenna's first snow and she didn't like the cold too much!

I trust that everyone had a safe and Happy Halloween! Eric had to work late and out of town yesterday so Makenna and I spent the evening at my parents. Their neighbors create this haunted yard every year and it was hilarious to see them scaring the "big kids" trick or treating last night. Here was one character. I'm sure you'll know who he was:

Michael Myers! Very freaky. It was a fun night and my little Halloween treat was the cutest skeleton ever!

November is such a special time of year as we celebrate Thanksgiving and prepare for Christmas! (Is it too early to put up the decorations?? My mom voted YES!) I've already gotten a jump start on holiday shopping so I can enjoy our time the closer it gets to Christmas. I am so excited to celebrate it this year with our sweet baby!

So in honor of this being the most thankful year of the month, at the end of each post I will put 5 things I am thankful until Thanksgiving. And I encourage all of you to do the same :)

I am thankful for:

1) My health

2) My family

3) Cloth diapers

4) Eric's amazing job

5) Our animals 

We have been easing our way into cloth diapers and it is going so well! Not hard at all to catch on to and Makenna just looks adorable in them.

I hope all of y'all are having a great weekend and a good start to the month! Feel free to let me know some of YOUR goals for the new month or anything else that may be on your mind. (gfmamaj@gmail.com) Ya'll are awesome!

Much love!

Hello my name is Amanda and I'm addicted to fall!

Why do so many people just love fall so much?
I could think of TONS of reasons:
-Pumpkin everything
-Thanksgiving
-Comfy sweaters and sweatshirts that make you want to snuggle with the first thing you see
-That crisp and chilly feel in the air
-The feeling that the crisp air gives you; the kind of feeling that just makes you think and feel good inside
-The constant burning of apple pie, whipped pumpkin pie and apple cinnamon candles in the house. Though I let those scents burn all year round.
-Knowing that soon after fall is Christmas!! (Anyone start their shopping yet?? This mama has!)
My favorite is the fun of going to a Famers Market on a nice day or the pumpkin patch. And these past two days, I have done just that :)

Yesterday evening we went pumpkin picking and hay-riding with one of our favorite little familes! They brought their daughter Olivia who was a little bit more into it then our sleeping baby. It was a nice night and we always have fun with them. Heres some pictures to share:

It was such a beautiful sunset last night! Made for the most perfect pumpkin picking environment

Eric was finally able to babywear Makenna, our little pumpkin head, and loved every second of it. Judging by the way she was passed out the whole time, I think she did too. She loves her daddy!

So many pumpkins to choose from!

Sunflowers are my favorite and have been since I was a little girl!

We made it home a little after 8 with some yummy Chick-Fil-A to eat and Makenna was wide awake. We've never taken her off her schedule before and probably won't again for a while since she was up till 10 pm laughing at the warning label in her bassinet, haha!

Today, Eric and my dad were able to go to the Gamecocks football game, (thanks to his awesome boss!) so my mom and I decided to check out the Soda City Market in downtown Columbia. It was AWESOME! So many cute vendors and fellow babywearers! Here are some pictures from today's adventure:

There was a breast cancer marathon going on as well, so we saw lots of pink! 

We were able to fill a box with as much farm, fresh vegis and fruits that we could fit. We took great advantage of that and I'm so excited to fill my fridge with it with so much healthy yumminess!

Makenna loved being outside in the fresh air for the second day in a row!

Now let me tell about this amazing restaurant we stopped at for lunch. The ENTIRE menu is gluten free! (Happy day for this Celiac!) It's also vegan and dairy-free friendly. They name of the place is Good Life Cafe and everything is raw. Their food isn't cooked, it's dehydrated (I hope I got that right) and never goes above 115 degrees. I had the eggplant/bacon sandwich on onion bread with a fresh fruit cup and kale salad. YUM! I recommend it to anyone of my SC friends!

Days like today give me an extra boost of a reminder of how good I have it. How life is just so wonderful and the blessings that surround me, even in a simple sandwich, amaze me! God works ALL the time. He never stops showing me how wonderful my life can be if I just follow His lead. 

I hope all of you are enjoying your fall so far! As always, my email is always open (aljanson819@gmail.com) with anything you feel the need to send. I love reading your emails and the audience I'm getting from across the world is amazing and totally keeps me motivated to keep writing! God is good, God is great.

Much love!

  

The story of our miracle baby

Our little pastry chef, haha!

"For this child I have prayed." -1 Samuel 1:27
Happy two months to my sweet baby girl, Makenna! I cannot believe it has been two months already but at the same time it feels like she has always been in our lives. It amazes me how I cannot even imagine what life was before this little girl took over our hearts. I was thinking, to celebrate her being two months today, I'll tell you the background story of how Makenna is our miracle baby :) It's officially one of my favorite stories to tell.
I had always wanted to be a mom. I love children and my first job was working at a place called Party Playhouse-we threw birthday parties for kids and I had a blast working there!
When I met and married Eric, I couldn't wait for us to have a baby. About 5 months after we were married, we started to try for our first. We were both pretty nervous and excited at the same time.
Fast forward to a year later and we still weren't having any luck. I went to the doctors and had a check over to make sure I was healthy and everything checked out ok. I was getting nervous because I knew what the year mark meant. Problems.
After rattling my brain and much research, I decided it was best I faithfully followed the Gluten Free diet that I needed to follow, due to Celiac Disease. All the arrows were pointing to that being the problem so I disciplined myself and eliminated all gluten from my diet.
The next 10 months after that was truly a test of my faith. And for a majority of it, I failed. I watched friends get pregnant and others have their babies with envy. I would cry myself to sleep wondering what was wrong with me while Eric kept insisting it was him, even though we both knew it wasn't.
I knew in my heart it was because of the Celiac Disease and me not following my diet for so long. I was trying all I could to make it right and I felt like a failure for not being able to give my husband the gift we longed for.
During this time Eric tried so hard to keep my faith up; telling me it just wasn't our time yet and it will happen in Gods time, not ours. I just grew more bitter. At the end of November 2013, I watched a few more friends post their happy pregnancy announcements and lost all hope for us. I once again went to my husband for comfort and instead of telling me it'll be ok, he grabbed my hand and prayed for us. Something we SHOULD have been doing all along.
Two weeks later I felt compelled to make an appointment with an OBGYN and see what fertility options would be available for us. I was able to get in that Tuesday with the physicians assistant and went with my mom and Eric. The doctor checked me over, took some blood work to check my thyroid and said she would call me with the results. She wanted to do an ultrasound the following week to see if all was ok there. We left on happy terms knowing that we were finally doing something to help ourselves have a baby.
The next morning I was leaving for work and literally just locked my front door when my phone started ringing with the doctor on the other end. When I asked if everything was ok she had told me we didn't need to go ahead and look into any fertility treatments. I was so confused and the first thing that ran through my head was that it was over; there was no chance for us. After asking her why, she told me the news.
I was already pregnant!
Happy wasn't the word for it and I couldn't stop crying! At the ultrasound that next week, we discovered that I became pregnant around the second week of November. Finally! It was our turn to become parents. Eric couldn't believe it when I told him the news. We were both just so happy!
God had a plan all along to bless us with a child. He just wanted me to be healthy and to fully rely on His timing and plan, which we did when Eric finally prayed over the situation that November night; when I was already pregnant!
After 9 months, 22 hours of labor, 20 minutes of pushing and Makenna ending up in the special care nursery, we had her. She is the result of a miracle. I grow more in love with her everyday and I am so blessed to be her mommy. It was the wait and every tear. I couldn't thank The Lord more for making us parents.
While it may not be a baby, I know there are a lot of you waiting for something. Do not give up hoping and praying. God hears you, I promise and is waiting till He knows you're ready for whatever
blessing He wants to throw your way. He wants good gifts for His children and all you have to do is have faith. I pray for you each of you that has something in your heart that you're waiting for.
I'm here to pray with you over anything! If you have something to share please send an email to aljanson819@gmail.com!
Miracles happen everyday. I am so thankful for mine and I know you will be for yours.
Much love!