Seasons Change. Jesus Doesn't.

I LOVE FALL!

In fact, I love fall so much, I could shout it to the world!

I LOVE FALL!

There's something so magical about that crisp feeling in the air. It's a feeling I can't quite find the words to describe but there are moments when the sun is shining, the leaves are changing colors, the air is crisp and it just tugs at my heart strings.
To me, fall is another piece of evidence of how much our Creator truly loves us! :)

Entering into this years season of Fall, God has placed a few things on my heart that I'd love to share.

The simple minded part of me, loves fall for these reasons:
* Changing leaves 
* Pumpkin EVERYTHING
* Thanksgiving!
* Change of weather. Which brings me to..
* Cute, cozy sweaters to wear
* Bonfires and SMORES (gluten free of course!) 
* The promise that Christmas is coming!

But this year I thought to try and tap into the spiritual reasons there are to love Fall and came up with this:
Fall is a beautiful reminder that all things change; nothing ever stays the same. Seasons or trials will come and go. Things will grow and things will die. I am in a season of my life now where I feel things are forever changing. A lesson that God was teaching me last week is nothing even remotely relatable to what He's teaching me this week! Our church is forever growing and changing, along with, our Worship Team. (PRAISE JESUS!) My family just went through a rather tough little season. Our country is about to go though some major change as well. Change is everywhere!

Like I just said, nothing stays the same. Things are constantly revolving. Life is so unpredictable; so unstable Except ONE thing.

JESUS.

A couple of verses that I discovered that fit this topic are some I'd love to share with you.

"The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breath of the Lord blows on it; 
surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever."
-Isaiah 40: 7-8

"Jesus is the same yesterday and today and today and forever."
-Hebrews 13:8

"For I the Lord do not change."
-Malachi 3:6

So while the trees are changing colors and the leaves are dying and falling off the trees..while the temperature outside changes from hot into cooler weather, our God DOESN'T CHANGE.

His love, His mercy, His grace, His power, His patience, His strength, and His holiness remains the absolute same.
What promise and hope we can get from this truth in an ever-changing and evolving world!
What promise and hope we can get from turning to His Word and knowing that it will never be different. That everything He said and meant 1,000's of years ago, He still means them today!

His victory on the cross? Remains the same.

His promises for us? Remains the same.

His plans for us? Remains the same. We were born with God already knowing every move we would make and every thought we would have. And in this moment, even as you're reading this, He is WORKING things for our good. (Romans 8:28) WHAT A GOOD FATHER! 

So I promise that even though much can change in our lives and outside our windows, God will never ever change. His Being and His nature will remain true and the same for forever.

So with all that said, Happy Fall! Hope you are all able to drink some apple cider and enjoy a snuggly fire :)
Much love sweet friends! 

Nothing Is Wasted

I will honestly admit that this is one story I do NOT want to share. It's a story that for the past 6 weeks, I've been wanting to forget. A story that I never thought would be mine to share.
But I know and truly realize I was given this story for many reasons. I've been learning how much God really does use our pain for purpose. I was given this story, not to remain silent, but to share with many and boast about His goodness and His unwavering amount of grace and strength. It's a story about hope and how, even through the worst of situations, He can still can take a tragedy and turn it into triumph
So please, treat this story as fragile as feels, for it's still a healing wound.

This October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
I have known and heard personal stories of women experiencing miscarriages. I've read, in prayer threads online, the desperate cries of women who were asking for prayer and hanging on to the last bit of hope they had. My heart always ached for them but as they say "You never know what someone else is going through until you've experienced it for yourself." I never knew how much this statement would resonate with me. Until it all started to happen to me.

I'll start by saying how much Eric and I ADORE parenthood. I mean adore it. Makenna saved us in so many ways and she is truly our miracle child. We prayed and hoped for her for years. Being her parent has been the most incredible thing and one of the greatest gifts God could have ever given us. It felt only natural that after 6 months of having Makenna with us that we wanted to start trying for another.
As I expected there to be, there were complications. But it felt a lot easier to deal with the second time around because I truly was in a place where I relied more on Jesus and stuck with that it would happen in His PEFECT timing.
We kept trying for almost a year and half with, for the most part, complete peace and relaxation about it.
The middle of this past July brought some great news. After grabbing a pizza lunch with a couple, Eric and I ran to Target and I felt the need to buy a pregnancy test. I had "unloaded my pizza" in the bathroom when first getting into the store and it wasn't the first time that week I had "tossed my cookies" that week.
I took it immediately when we got home and received the brightest positive I had ever seen! I felt dizzy, excited, nervous all at once and looked my first baby. I told her she was going to be a big sister and held her while I cried with joy.
Makenna and I walked out of the bathroom and met Eric in the kitchen where I told him I had a surprise. I held out the test and he, equally, joined in my excitement.
The following Monday would be our first baby appointment and we couldn't wait.
Our appointment finally arrived and we could hardly stand the wait to our see our new baby!
The ultrasound seemed to be going fine until I noticed that the technician wasn't saying anything. She wasn't pointing out where the baby was and didn't let us hear a heartbeat. My heart sank. I knew right then and there that something was wrong. I remember thinking in my head "Please God, I'll do anything. Please."
The ultrasound technician stated how she wasn't able to say anything about the ultrasound and that our doctor would meet with us and explain it all. We didn't get good news from her either. It looked like what I had was a blighted ovum. It's where the baby is lost super early in pregnancy but yet the body still thinks and acts like it's pregnant. Seemed like complete unfairness and pure cruelty to me.
We were given the option to terminate the pregnancy but for moral reasons, we decided to wait. Either for God to perform a miracle or at least for my body to do what it needed to, naturally. The wait would be another 2 weeks to have another ultrasound.
Fast forward to most agonizing and stressful weeks of my life to ultrasound #2 where we discovered that there were 2 yolk sacs meaning 2 babies. My doctor was struck with such confusion and said she no longer felt comfortable with termination and I needed to come back another week later for ultrasound #3, stating that since we were possibly dealing with twins, that changed the entire situation. However, we received the news that my hormone levels were dropping with the doctor explaining it didn't look good.
That next Monday, before my next ultrasound, my miscarriage started.
There's not too much to explain after that. It was over. It was a loss. Two babies that we wouldn't hold in our arms. I was devastated and in a way I still am.
However this verse has never been more true:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
It's become my mantra. My life verse. The weeks that we experienced the waiting to see what would happen, the desperate pleas and cries to God, the trying to understand the meaning and the purpose behind all this...this verse popped up everywhere.

It reminds me that through the pain, through the hardships, the trials, through our mess and even our darkest hour..God works all things for our good and His glory, as long as we love Him. It may not seem good, but we can rest assure that it is. God is using our pain for purpose and as my Pastor says often "Nothing is wasted." Nothing in God goes in vain. 

It's been a HUGE test of faith and character for both Eric and I. And I never thought I would be that 1 in 4 to have to go through this but I am and it happened. The choice is mine to sit around and mope or to use my circumstances to reach out to others who may be going through something similar.

I thank Him for using and working through me. I praise Him for being a good Father. I worship Him for giving me the strength that brought me through such agonizing weeks of waiting then healing. And I put my complete hope in Him as we move on and try for our next miracle baby. 

There IS hope at the end of, what seems like, a dark and lonely tunnel. If this is something you've experience and you need an outlet, someone to talk to..I am here! GOD is here! I pray for overwhelming amounts of peace and understanding to fall upon you.

A serious thank you for all who read this. It's not a fun, happy topic but miscarriages happen and they are not as uncommon as we may think. Let's not just draw awareness to it but allow others to share their stories.

Much love, as always, friends! 

All I need is You

How can I truely be happy?

Will a new car make me happy?
Well, yes.

Will buying a home make me happy?
Of course!

Will having more money make me happy?
Yes it would!

Honesty time..
I have been so caught up in my "wants" lately. Wanting a home, more money, a newer car, nicer clothes, a smaller waistline, etc.
My want and to do list are growing bigger as my time and relationship with Jesus is growing smaller.

Last night at my small group we talked about what our top 3 priorities were. I listed mine as:
1) Family
2) New house
3) Jesus

WHOA! After I read my priorities out loud, in my head I questioned myself why I put our new home (and even family) before Jesus. Sure, I said Him first to my small group ladies but on my piece of paper I wrote Him third.
I've been wanting this home for so long that I've forgotten where my true happiness lies...and it's not in material things. Even a beautiful home.
I've been so focused on my marriage, Makenna and family (which there is nothing wrong with at all) but have completely forgotten to spend and set aside time for the One who is my rock. My foundation!
I'm so worried about checking social media, my email and worrying about my to do's when I first wake up that I haven't started to my day with Jesus and in prayer in a long time.
No wonder I'm so on edge all the time!!
I've had all these "things" distracting me that have completely made me lose focus on spending time with God-my true happiness! It's so easy to fall into this trap but can be harder to get out.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
-Romans 15:13

I want to Jesus to be the ONLY thing that can complete me and the only thing that can truely fill me with peace and joy! Everything else should just be an added blessing and gift from Him, which they are!
It's a decision and choice that I need to make every single day that Jesus is going to be at the very, very top of my priority list! He's worth that much (and more)!!!
Spending more time in His word and working to form even more of a deep relationship Him is a great place to start :)
I am so thankful to have a God that never stops chasing me. He is the only one who will ever be able to give me an endless supply of love and grace.

Some food for thought! Happy Wednesday :)

Love Never Fails

Hey friends.

I had been staring at this blank space for almost 20 minutes and I am still at a loss as to how to start this post.

Then I thought of a question that was asked of me at church yesterday, when the topic of all that has happened in this country the past week and a half came up; "Amanda, what do you think?"

Wow.

What DO I think?

I've been blown away as to all that has gone on in American in almost two weeks.

It's overwhelming to see it all over the news and social media; just seeing opinion after opinion, hate followed by more hate and country on edge with major tension in the air.

So what do think??

I think I'm sad.

I'm sad with how we treat each other, I'm sad with how much hate we show each other. This is not the world I ever imagined my children growing up in. 

After reading A LOT of blog posts (specifically Christian) about the Supreme Court's decision regarding gay marriages, I promised myself to not post another post about "now we just have to show love."
Because it's not that easy to feel it, as it is to say it.

Because some disagree.

Some don't approve and some are saddened by this decision because of what THEY believe. 

And you know what?

That's OK!

Yes I said it. It's completely ok to disagree with someone...

...and still NOT show hate.

It's ok to debate with somebody and still NOT show hate. Because the moment we (I'm talking to you, my fellow Christians) start to show the opposite of what Jesus really looks like, we lose the magnitude of our cause and beliefs.

Yes I know what the bible says about homosexuality...

but I also know what it says about judgement and love.

"Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen."

*1 John 4:20

Hey guys..it's right there! ^^ Right there in the book we so love, in the book we so believe in and in the book that we use WAY TOO OFTEN to hide behind and spew our own hate.

So yes, this is another post about love because that is what we are called to do by the One who loved us first. He had no exceptions and neither should we. 

It's hard. I'm not kidding. When I first heard the news of the shooting in Charleston, I felt anger. When I saw others fighting over the Confederate flag, I felt anger. And when the Supreme Court announced their decision to legalize gay marriage, I felt anger. BUT I, almost, immediately dropped to my knees (literally, I did!) and asked Jesus for an immediate change of heart; to let this be my chance to showcase Him through me. And, oh my, has He delivered on that request. 

I have so many opinions about a lot that goes on in this country.

And I completely believe that it is totally ok to express those opinions in a manner that shows respect and love because at the end of the day we need to all remember we are ALL children of God, we ALL are underserving of grace but it's in the end that His grace that unites us. (Thanks for the thought Pastor P!!)

You sin. I sin. We all sin. To Jesus, NO sin is greater than the other. Sin is sin and regardless of what it is we do to sin, Jesus STILL loves us! ALL of us! 

Christians, this is our chance, our opportunity to show love that Jesus places in all of us regardless if we agree with somebody decisions or lifestyle. 

Do I sound like a broken record?

Good, because I want it to sink in. Because the hate HAS TO STOP! We take complete advantage of each other and the fact that we live in the greatest country on earth! 

I challenge you all to go outside your comfort zone this week. Do something nice for someone that you normally wouldn't do. Show love to someone you normally wouldn't show love to. Ask Jesus to change the direction of your heart from hate and judgement to love! 

Love WILL always overcome because Christ will always overcome! 

Any questions, comments, or just want to chat?

gfmamaj@gmail.com :)

Much, much love to each of you!

Dear Sweet, Infertile Friend

Dear Infertile Friend,
First let me say:
You are NOT alone!
My infertility journey was frustrating, scary, lonely, confusing but most importantly..humbling. 
My sweet, sweet husband did the absolute best he could with being supportive. We knew the problem was me, we just couldn't figure out why.
I wrote a post called The Story of Our Miracle Baby that I encourage you to read. Our story may not be the same but the pain still runs deep.
Let me say that there is nothing wrong with you. You were not made broken because our Creator loves you way too much to have made you that way.
I want you to know that, with Mothers Day coming up, that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and hurting with you. That day for me was a huge smack of a reminder of what I didn't have. I know how hard it's going to be and I know that no words are going to make it better. But know that my gift to you that day is my ear that is willing to listen as long as you need me to.
I want you to know that I am here. Here to listen, to get angry with you and to cry with you.
I understand that you look at others with envy and I do not judge when you get irritable being around families with children.
I was the same way.
Infertility takes away so much: a normal sex life, your money, your patience, and your sanity.
I kept track of temps, marked days on the calendar and googled every pinge or twinge of a symptom I felt. I spent more than my fair share of time and energy peeing on sticks and getting the same, negative result.
I understand that what worked for me will not work for you, being as we are all crafted differently.
What I NEED you to understand is that the Creator of the universe will not leave you out in the cold. He will meet you where you are. He will comfort you, guide you and bless you the more you trust Him with this situation.
I can promise you that Jesus will take your tears and pain and turn this into progress. The two years of infertility issues we went through were so that I could finally hand over the control I had on my life and give it all to Him. He wants us to take painful and just plain awful situations and use them to draw closer to Him. His purpose for my pain is to reach out to others, like you, with open arms and tell you that I understand.
I GET IT! 
I found GRACE through our infertility. I found compassion and I found mercy through Jesus.
I promise you that He has been working behind the scenes to conduct a marvelous plan for all of this. It may not be what we have in mind but I promise that it will be better than we could have ever planned for ourselves!
Hang in there.
Reach out to others going through the same thing.
Reach out to others that have been where you are and can help.
If I could go back and tell myself anything it would be to say: that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to feel bitter. It's ok to have a glass of wine and forget a night of taking a prenatal vitamin. Find support and reach out to others. Don't beat myself up and don't ever, ever feel like something is wrong with me.

I adore you sweet friend. I am here for you.
MUCH, MUCH LOVE <3

If you or somebody know is struggling with infertility, here are a couple of link I want to share as valuable resources:
National Infertility Awareness Week 
Daily Strength
Fertility Lifelines
and of course: gfmamaj@gmail.com

I am NOT Supermom

And I don't have to be.
Nor do I WANT to be.
This all came upon me last night as my husband and I were tucking ourselves into bed at 8:30. Yes 8:30! We were asleep before 9 and I didn't wake up until 7:45 am when laughter from my baby alarm clock came blaring through the baby monitor.
Makenna is 5 and a half months old and while I feel like I'm being the best mother I can be, (thank You Jesus!) there is one thing I need to stop doing:
Putting so much pressure on myself. RELAX
Over the past few years my anxieties have grown beyond my control. It's been taking a lot of prayer and work on my part, through the direction and grace of God, to just relax. My, somewhat of a, type A personality means the house can never be a mess, Makennas room has be organized and God forbid if the shirts in our dresser get out of their neat, little stack. I start to sweat when Eric doesn't take off his shoes after coming in from outside and I see dirt all over a freshly swept floor. The dishes on the drying rack need to be in a specific order, as well as, the items in our refrigerator.
I've realized that trying to control every aspect of my life leaves me feeling exhausted, aggravated and defeated. After Eric and I said our nightly prayer last night and we both turned over to our sides to fall asleep, I started to pray on my own. I prayed to God that He would seriously move in my heart and help me relax. That He would seriously allow me to loosen to the, extremely, tight grip I have on my life and let Him take over the control. I've done this before and the outcome has been great but I always seem to get right back into that anxious state.
This side of me is spilling over into my journey of motherhood.
I feel like it's a personal race to strive to get Mama of the Year. I strive to give my baby only breast milk, which I've been able to do successfully, and feed her and our family organic everything, a home cooked meal for Eric and I when he gets home every night, the house being spotless, laundry done, lunches packed for the next day, meals prepped, make it to every mommy and baby play date there ever was in all the world  to keep Makenna socializing and make myself look presentable every day.
PHEW!
The list and the pressure goes on and on of all that I feel needs to be done on the daily.
So as we were laying in bed last night...
At 8:30 PM..
With dishes in the sink..
The cat liter not scooped..
And I'm praying to God to relieve some of this pressure, and to keep me from going into the kitchen and washing Erics chocolate milk cup..
He gives me my answer.
Just STOP. Turn off my brain for a SECOND and listen to Him. Stop trying to do it all. I am raising a little human, all day and everyday. It goes by so fast and I need to start enjoying the moments I have with her and my husband and not worry about all the little stuff. God was putting on my heart that I need to stop being the uppity, in control, super mom and super wife person that I've become. I'm missing moments and snuggles and time with my rapidly growing, little baby because the dishes NEED to be done the second the last bite from dinner reaches our mouth. I mean, come on!
I'm going to have my moments. I'm a woman and I'm human! But for the most part, I'm ready to let it go. I've surrendered my life to the One who wants to take all my burdens, worries and anxieties and handle them FOR me! So that I can enjoy life for all it's worth and not worry about the unmade bed. Or the fact that I had a 3 Musketeers chocolate bar instead of an apple for a snack.
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7
I going to spend a lot more time focusing and meditating on the verse above because it screams truth! 
I do not have to be a super wife!
I do not have to be a super mom!
I just need to do right for my little family, for others and most importantly, for God.
Like I said in my last post, I Am Learning.., I'm doing just fine. I CAN give myself a pat on the back sometimes (or like everytime I pump 20 oz of milk). I have so much love and happiness, in me, that I want to spread to so many people, especially my family, and I need just need to not get caught up and give my sole attention to the wrong things. I'm prepared for God to start changing my heart. 

Have something on your mind? Anything you need to get off your chest? You know where to reach me and I LOVE hearing from you: gfmamaj@gmail.com
Much love! 

I've loved doing life with these two and it's the most beautiful to watch how God moves through our lives.

My heart is filled with more then just turkey!

Happy Post Thanksgiving! 
I trust that your day of food, family, friends and thanks was a great one.
Ours was one for the books because we had our sweet little turkey this year! Despite Makenna not feeling well, she was happy the entire day. Our family loved being around her and she was passed around quite a bit to get a little bit of love from everyone. By the end of the evening, we still followed her nightly routine of bath and bottle at 7:30 pm and she fell asleep just like this in her daddy's old childhood room:

So now that we (well at least The Janson family) have officially entered the holiday season, I am SO excited! Christmas shopping for a baby is the best and most fun. I never want to rush Makenna growing up but I look forward to when she is old enough to understand the real meaning behind Christmas.

Christmas last year meant the most to me then it had any other year. It was my first Christmas celebrating as a saved Christian. I focused more on the fact that it was to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior then the Hallmark aspect of it. (And of course finding out we were pregnant!!!)

To think of what God gave to us that night when Jesus was born is overwhelming and the more my relationship grows with him, the more I am absolutely in love with this holiday. I will do all I can as a mother and a servant to God to teach our children how important and special Christmas really is without all the presents and "getting." How important it is to, not only give all year around but especially through the holiday season. I hope they grow to learn and love Jesus as much as Eric and I do :) My heart feels so warm and full of love going into this holiday season. I cannot wait to see what this Christmas brings for our family and also for our church!

These past four days have been so nice having Eric around. With him working and being away so much, it's always nice and important to make time as a family to build our own memories around this time. And these past few days, we sure have! We finished decorating our little fifth wheel with what we could fit. It'll be nice to have a home next year where we can put up a Christmas tree and lights. All in do time ;)

Last night we had a fire over at my parents house. We had peppermint, hot cocoa and s'mores in front of the fire pit and it was a nice time. Family really is so important to me and I am blessed to have a husband that feels the same way! I look forward to so many wonderful years as a family and I can't wait to watch it grow. 

Here are a few pictures from our time together these past few days:

Our wonderful turkey that my in-laws made for Thanksgiving. They are SUPER good chefs!!!

We got together with our bible study friends for some desert and fellowship the following night. Caught Eric in the act of eating his 20th cookie, haha, and there's our friend Sam in the background! 

Our sweet baby slept in her crib for the first time last night and I totally cried. She is getting so big, so fast!! I love her to pieces!

The awesome fire my dad and Eric made. There's our yummy s'mores plate!

(For gluten free smores, I just used two pieces of Hershey's mini chocolate bars to sandwich a marshmallow! YUM!)

I hope all of you had some nice time off this week so spend with those who matter most to you!And as we enter the holiday season with full force, remember to not get so caught up in all the presents and decorations, etc. Think about giving more then you'll receive this year. Head over to your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter and really spend time with those that need the love and grace, that Jesus equips us with, the most! I hope you all have a great Sunday and as always I'm here for you to reach out to about anything: gfmamaj@gmail.com

MUCH LOVE xoxo

Just a little something to make you LOL!

Show me how to love the unlovable

"Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:9-10

I read the most amazing devotional yesterday morning from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It starts off with the verse you see above from Romans and then talks about "unrushing" your life and making time for the smaller assignments The Lord puts in our lives daily. While I could relate to the devotional and it really was a great read, this bible verse they provided made me think about something else that I know every single person (I know I do!) must struggle with.
Loving those who are the hardest to love.
It is hard for me sometimes to show love and compassion to EVERYBODY. There are those that have done me wrong, those that don't necessarily seem compatible with me, and those that I feel I should just avoid. I run away from those that probably need the most love. 
This is not like Jesus at all. Jesus ran to those that had the most problems: prostitutes, lepers, tax collectors, the poor and dirty, etc. He didn't hide away from those that were socially unacceptable. So why should we? It all comes down to judgement doesn't it?
The bible says to love and help others as long as it doesn't interfere with YOUR personal and growing relationship with God. I hide behind this when I do not want to extend a hand or kind words to those that need it most. My selfish feelings get in the way of doing what I know is expected of me as a Christian and I will admit, I am shameful of this. It's hard for me to give kindness and love to somebody that hurt me, my marriage or my family. I don't want to pray good things for them. I want anger to take over my heart because that is what I feel they deserve.
But you know what? I deserve anger too. I've fallen and still do fall short. Jesus is the ONLY perfect person out there. I have no right to not forgive anybody that has done wrong doing against me.
We love because He loved us first.
-1 John 4:19
I pray a lot that God teaches me to love how He loves. To forgive how He forgives. To be rich in mercy and slow to anger. (Psalm 145:8) How do I expect to bring others closer to Jesus if I pass any judgment or show nothing but anger to them?
I'm realizing that the more love I put out, the more love that can fill my heart. Anger and judgement will have no choice but to leave because there will be no more room in my heart to fit those emotions. It's not always going to be easy. The other day I tried to show compassion to the last person I would ever want to show it to and I have since received no response. Honestly, it bruised my ego a bit before I realized it's not about how good it makes ME feel but about just knowing that I am able to go out and do what God expects of me to do. It's Him I want to please and His work I want to complete. 
Try it out. Try extending grace and love to others on a daily basis, whether you follow Jesus or not! Run to those that need love the most. Set an example for others to follow your lead. Show a smile behind your eyes instead of jealousy, anger or judgement. 
If you have anything you'd like to chat about regarding this or anything on your heart, please do not hesitate: gfmamaj@gmail.com :)

On to a more different and yummier note! That soup looks SO good right??!

I found this great article of all these different kinds of Gluten Free soups! The weather is really starting to cool down here in SC and I am anxious to try out new recipes, especially some beef stew. (My faovrite!) So check out the link and let me know which ones you like and have successfully made:

Gluten Free Soup Recipes

Also during this time of year, I to just pour myself a small cup of wine at the end of the day while Eric enjoys a nice, manly beer! His taste changes all the time but my favorite wine happens to be Moscato. I'm always open to trying new types (just no red please) so I welcome any wine suggestions you may have :) Duplin has come out with their Christmas wines and I cannot wait to get those back in my fridge again!

Hope you all had an excellent week and have an even sweeter weekend! It's going to be nice here in Lexington, so I'm hoping we can make it outside for a little while.

Much love!!!

We all have a story to tell

The story of how I came to know Christ is not one I share quite often. It brings up unwanted memories of a past that, to this day, I struggle to accept. But the more I progress in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel Him calling me. Calling me to be bold and share the news of how He saved me. I kept dismissing those calls and when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't go that far. I would keep the posts light and positive; only lightly talking about what Jesus does in my life.
Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39 

It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.

So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!

I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed. 

My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.

Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me. 

This was only the very beginning.

Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence. 

November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!

Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies. 

But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.

I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY.  I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again. 

It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.

But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.

In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out. 

Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.  

In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about. 

That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together. 

I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same. 

If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone. 

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok. 

If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com

You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.

MUCH love!