I am NOT Supermom

And I don't have to be.
Nor do I WANT to be.
This all came upon me last night as my husband and I were tucking ourselves into bed at 8:30. Yes 8:30! We were asleep before 9 and I didn't wake up until 7:45 am when laughter from my baby alarm clock came blaring through the baby monitor.
Makenna is 5 and a half months old and while I feel like I'm being the best mother I can be, (thank You Jesus!) there is one thing I need to stop doing:
Putting so much pressure on myself. RELAX
Over the past few years my anxieties have grown beyond my control. It's been taking a lot of prayer and work on my part, through the direction and grace of God, to just relax. My, somewhat of a, type A personality means the house can never be a mess, Makennas room has be organized and God forbid if the shirts in our dresser get out of their neat, little stack. I start to sweat when Eric doesn't take off his shoes after coming in from outside and I see dirt all over a freshly swept floor. The dishes on the drying rack need to be in a specific order, as well as, the items in our refrigerator.
I've realized that trying to control every aspect of my life leaves me feeling exhausted, aggravated and defeated. After Eric and I said our nightly prayer last night and we both turned over to our sides to fall asleep, I started to pray on my own. I prayed to God that He would seriously move in my heart and help me relax. That He would seriously allow me to loosen to the, extremely, tight grip I have on my life and let Him take over the control. I've done this before and the outcome has been great but I always seem to get right back into that anxious state.
This side of me is spilling over into my journey of motherhood.
I feel like it's a personal race to strive to get Mama of the Year. I strive to give my baby only breast milk, which I've been able to do successfully, and feed her and our family organic everything, a home cooked meal for Eric and I when he gets home every night, the house being spotless, laundry done, lunches packed for the next day, meals prepped, make it to every mommy and baby play date there ever was in all the world  to keep Makenna socializing and make myself look presentable every day.
PHEW!
The list and the pressure goes on and on of all that I feel needs to be done on the daily.
So as we were laying in bed last night...
At 8:30 PM..
With dishes in the sink..
The cat liter not scooped..
And I'm praying to God to relieve some of this pressure, and to keep me from going into the kitchen and washing Erics chocolate milk cup..
He gives me my answer.
Just STOP. Turn off my brain for a SECOND and listen to Him. Stop trying to do it all. I am raising a little human, all day and everyday. It goes by so fast and I need to start enjoying the moments I have with her and my husband and not worry about all the little stuff. God was putting on my heart that I need to stop being the uppity, in control, super mom and super wife person that I've become. I'm missing moments and snuggles and time with my rapidly growing, little baby because the dishes NEED to be done the second the last bite from dinner reaches our mouth. I mean, come on!
I'm going to have my moments. I'm a woman and I'm human! But for the most part, I'm ready to let it go. I've surrendered my life to the One who wants to take all my burdens, worries and anxieties and handle them FOR me! So that I can enjoy life for all it's worth and not worry about the unmade bed. Or the fact that I had a 3 Musketeers chocolate bar instead of an apple for a snack.
 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
-1 Peter 5:7
I going to spend a lot more time focusing and meditating on the verse above because it screams truth! 
I do not have to be a super wife!
I do not have to be a super mom!
I just need to do right for my little family, for others and most importantly, for God.
Like I said in my last post, I Am Learning.., I'm doing just fine. I CAN give myself a pat on the back sometimes (or like everytime I pump 20 oz of milk). I have so much love and happiness, in me, that I want to spread to so many people, especially my family, and I need just need to not get caught up and give my sole attention to the wrong things. I'm prepared for God to start changing my heart. 

Have something on your mind? Anything you need to get off your chest? You know where to reach me and I LOVE hearing from you: gfmamaj@gmail.com
Much love! 

I've loved doing life with these two and it's the most beautiful to watch how God moves through our lives.

Show me how to love the unlovable

"Don't just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." Romans 12:9-10

I read the most amazing devotional yesterday morning from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It starts off with the verse you see above from Romans and then talks about "unrushing" your life and making time for the smaller assignments The Lord puts in our lives daily. While I could relate to the devotional and it really was a great read, this bible verse they provided made me think about something else that I know every single person (I know I do!) must struggle with.
Loving those who are the hardest to love.
It is hard for me sometimes to show love and compassion to EVERYBODY. There are those that have done me wrong, those that don't necessarily seem compatible with me, and those that I feel I should just avoid. I run away from those that probably need the most love. 
This is not like Jesus at all. Jesus ran to those that had the most problems: prostitutes, lepers, tax collectors, the poor and dirty, etc. He didn't hide away from those that were socially unacceptable. So why should we? It all comes down to judgement doesn't it?
The bible says to love and help others as long as it doesn't interfere with YOUR personal and growing relationship with God. I hide behind this when I do not want to extend a hand or kind words to those that need it most. My selfish feelings get in the way of doing what I know is expected of me as a Christian and I will admit, I am shameful of this. It's hard for me to give kindness and love to somebody that hurt me, my marriage or my family. I don't want to pray good things for them. I want anger to take over my heart because that is what I feel they deserve.
But you know what? I deserve anger too. I've fallen and still do fall short. Jesus is the ONLY perfect person out there. I have no right to not forgive anybody that has done wrong doing against me.
We love because He loved us first.
-1 John 4:19
I pray a lot that God teaches me to love how He loves. To forgive how He forgives. To be rich in mercy and slow to anger. (Psalm 145:8) How do I expect to bring others closer to Jesus if I pass any judgment or show nothing but anger to them?
I'm realizing that the more love I put out, the more love that can fill my heart. Anger and judgement will have no choice but to leave because there will be no more room in my heart to fit those emotions. It's not always going to be easy. The other day I tried to show compassion to the last person I would ever want to show it to and I have since received no response. Honestly, it bruised my ego a bit before I realized it's not about how good it makes ME feel but about just knowing that I am able to go out and do what God expects of me to do. It's Him I want to please and His work I want to complete. 
Try it out. Try extending grace and love to others on a daily basis, whether you follow Jesus or not! Run to those that need love the most. Set an example for others to follow your lead. Show a smile behind your eyes instead of jealousy, anger or judgement. 
If you have anything you'd like to chat about regarding this or anything on your heart, please do not hesitate: gfmamaj@gmail.com :)

On to a more different and yummier note! That soup looks SO good right??!

I found this great article of all these different kinds of Gluten Free soups! The weather is really starting to cool down here in SC and I am anxious to try out new recipes, especially some beef stew. (My faovrite!) So check out the link and let me know which ones you like and have successfully made:

Gluten Free Soup Recipes

Also during this time of year, I to just pour myself a small cup of wine at the end of the day while Eric enjoys a nice, manly beer! His taste changes all the time but my favorite wine happens to be Moscato. I'm always open to trying new types (just no red please) so I welcome any wine suggestions you may have :) Duplin has come out with their Christmas wines and I cannot wait to get those back in my fridge again!

Hope you all had an excellent week and have an even sweeter weekend! It's going to be nice here in Lexington, so I'm hoping we can make it outside for a little while.

Much love!!!

You know you're a grown up when...

I'm sitting on the couch, already engaged in my morning routine, thinking about these last 8 weeks of motherhood and 3 years of marriage and how truly different my life has become.
Well obviously right?
Here's what I've come up with for reasons you know you're a grown up when:
*9 am is sleeping in
*cleaning your cats liter box makes you feel like you have your life together
*drinking in large quantities no longer amuses me. Actually nothing more then a glass of wine, once in a blue moon, amuses me
*you look at a group of teenagers and refer to them as "those kids"
*you wake up and your back actually hurts from lack of movement
*you kill a spider in your house without crying
*buying stuff for your house makes you feel giddy
*a young couple comes to YOU for marriage advice
*classmates from high school are getting married and/or having children
*you are married and have a child yourself
*about 99.9% of the pictures in my phone are of my baby. Or my pets
*a night on the couch sounds glorious
*you start shopping in the "miss" section at Kohls
*your mom really is your best friend
*you get excited when the 5:00 news comes on
*your credit score is on your priority list
*bargain shopping and seeing how much you can save becomes a hobby
*bedtime is something you actually look forward to
*you start working on yourself and trying to become someone others can look up to
*you realize you still need some help from your parents and you're ok with that
*you've mastered writing a resume
*things like car taxes, house taxes and Christmas shopping make it into your monthly budget
*you subscribe to magazines like American Baby and Better Homes and Garden
*you've started taking care of your body
*because your metabolism isn't quite keeping up like it used to
*you realize how important buying an extended warranty on a car is. Especially for a Ford (AH!)
*your baby smiling is the best thing you could ever look at
*you realize how much God really does have your back
*you and your husband look for other parents to hang out with because they get it. They just really get it
And most importantly:
*you don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore. Life is going to happen. Cars will break down, people will still be mean to you, coffee will get dumped down the front of your shirt and you will still make mistakes.
Being a grown up is exhausting and there are times I don't want to do it anymore.
But I am blessed with an amazing family that never stops guiding us, a husband and baby that really do seem to like me and a God that will never stop getting me through this crazy whirlwind of life.
Want to add anything to that list? Comment or send an email!
I've been loving what y'all have been sending me. Seeing what God does in lives of others who I don't even know is rewarding so please! Keep them coming :) I'm always available!
As always thank you reading and I'm here for each of y'all. aljanson819@gmail.com
Much love!