A Little Transparency

Hey friends!

It has been such a while since I've posted!

Life has been busy and filled with so much! We have settled into our new home more nicely than I could have ever planned. Our house has never felt more like, well, home! The two years it took to finally get in here has been more than worth it. I love making memories in this home. Good is SO good!

Also, our sweet baby, Makenna, turned one on August 14th and life with a toddler has been, well, exhausting but absolutely amazing :) She is learning and growing so much every day and I love being able to be her mommy. 

So, jumping right into it, I am going to be totally honest. 

I had an entirely different post planned, typed and ready to publish. Normally after I am done writing the draft for a post and have proofed it, I automatically publish it without any second thought of the topic. But this time was so different. My iPad kept messing up and it literally would not post. 

You bet your bottom dollar I took that as a sign from God to rethink what I wanted to post about and have be seen by the public eye.

My deleted post was all about disappointment and all the things that have been getting me down lately. After my iPad kept glitching, all it would let me do is go back to the draft so I reread the post and it really hit: "oh my gosh, how WHINY do I sound?! I can't post this! Is this really the Jesus I want people to see in me?!!"

It kept me up till after midnight, last night, thinking about how much I look over everything I've ever been blessed with. I've focused on the negative for so long that it's starting to become normal. When did I start developing this glass half empty attitude?? This is NOT me!

I jumped out of bed, lit a candle in the living room and wrote out, in my journal, all of the disappointments I was going to post about. Under each of them, I wrote the positives. 

I wrote how God can, is or will take these disappointments and turn them into something beautiful.

A few examples:

Disappointed by friends?

 Lately, I've been focusing on the friendships that have faded away, the feeling of being left out or forgotten. I needed to write this out in front of me and really pray over the many friends and family that Jesus has blessed me with. That He can always continue to work in my heart to be a good friend or daughter, wife or sister. I have many people in my life and in my little family's life that are so beautiful inside and out. I am more than thankful for these people. 

Disappointed by what's on the news?

Use that as fuel! Fuel to get out and be proactive. What I see on the news should give me, a follower of Jesus, more incentive to get out and spread the Good News. To lead others from death to life. Instead of filling my mind and heart up with fear because of what is happening in this world, I need to take a moment, look up and thank Jesus for the life He has given me. How blessed I am to live so free and GOOD! To have a hot shower and dinner every.single.day. Ok, so the dog may pee on the floor or the guy in traffic who cut me off, gave me the finger. Things could be SO MUCH WORSE.

Lastly..

These past few months (ok, maybe more than a few) I have been thinking of my old life back in NY. This was a place I was born and raised in for almost 20 years. I up and left, never looking back and have only returned 3 times since 2009. This was one of the last disappointments I wrote about last night.

I miss it. I really do! 

I watch shows or movies based out of NYC and my heart literally hurts. I think of how life would've been if we had moved us to NY. What would my marriage, with Eric, be like? Would Makenna even be here with us? It even hurts my heart now to write about it.

But I thought about our life here in South Carolina. I think about how much Eric and I have grown up here. 

I think about NewSpring.

How ABSOLUTELY grateful am I for this church?! 

What would life have been life if we moved to NY, never have attending NewSpring??

Jesus has used this church over and over and over and over (you get the point) to bring us closer to Him. Goodness, it's where Eric and I were both saved, almost TWO years ago, side by side!

I think of KidSpring and how my daughter goes to a safe environment each week and learns about Jesus on her level. Where volunteers take time to nurture and pray over her every week. 

Would we have found that in NY?

My roots are there; memories that will never be forgotten and people who may have only been in my life for a season, but have made a difference. 

But we are meant to be here, in South Carolina. This is where Jesus needs us to be. This is where He, currently, has us living out His plan. Meditating on that alone overwhelms my heart with joy. 

I absolutely love where God has my little family right now. I love where He has me.

I love looking back at harder times and what I learned from that situation. I love looking at a list of "disappointments" and how He can point out the good that can be found in everything.  

Doesn't mean more disappointments won't arrive at my door. The point isn't that, being a follower of Jesus means hard times won't come..it means when they do come, I can handle them with His strength, grace and love!

The best is yet to come my friends..the best is yet to come :) 

MUCH love! 

4 things in 4 years

Marriage has taught me a lot.
Whether I've liked it or not, marriage has changed me.
I mean, duh!
That's usually what's expected when two people makes vows for forever.
And in the case of my marriage, two more opposite people couldn't have been paired together.
Eric and I have been married for almost 4 years. (It'll be 4 years next month!!!)
Life with him as my partner has been frustrating. annoying, humbling and nothing short of absolutely, positively amazing!
So in an early honor of almost 4 years with the love of my life, here are the 4 major things (in no specific order and trust me there's more than 4) that marriage has taught me.

1) Jesus really DOES need to be in the center
SERIOUSLY! Ok so some kind of order..but this is the most important! Eric and I have seen what marriage is like without Him as the center (and w/out Him in general) more than we have seen our marriage with Him as the center and let me tell you..Jesus being at the center of our marriage makes it better than I could have imagined. The Lord uses Eric as a vessel to reach me every.single.day. I love watching us grow closer in this way!

2) Intimacy is key
Kids, cover your ears and look away. Haha, not but really this is SO true. And I have no shame in talking about something so natural! This is another part of our marriage where we've seen opposite sides of the spectrum. Meaning: there have been dry spells and there have been not. God created sex for man and wife to really enjoy and spend a intimate, special time with one another. Lack of this can and has affected us. This aspect of our relationship has been pushed way up to the top of the priority list.

3) Communication is more than important
It's what can make or break a marriage! Without communication, what is there? Eric and I learned even before we married of how much talking to one another is SO important! It was a few weeks before we were married; Eric and I were in a huge argument and it just happened to be while my parents were visiting. They caught on fast and literally made us sit down, face each other, and talk. We haven't been able to hush up since then, haha!

4) Surrounding yourself with positive people (and couples) DOES matter
Eric and I don't come from great friendships when we first got together and when we were first married. It wasn't until we became parents-to-be that we really started to let go of the negative energy that seemed latched onto us and our marriage. Being around marriages and relationships that encourage us (and that we see encourage each other) is super important and something we had to learn the hard way. For me personally, it's hard to be around other women that talk nothing but negatively about their husbands. It had a big affect on me for a while!



I can think of SO many things that marriage has taught me in almost 4 years. I've learned how Eric needs to be loved and vice versa. When I say Eric is my best friend, I mean Eric is my BEST friend. He's the one person I can tell every single thing there is about me or something that's going on. My love for him grows every day and I can't wait to see what the next 4, or 40 years brings us!
Marriage is amazing and I am so thankful for how it's developing me as a person.



Anything to add? Let's chat: gfmamaj@gmail.com :)
Much looooove!

                                         

Cheers To 25!

Hey all! Hope you had a great start to your week!
I'll be honest ours started off rough but I trust The Lord to make a quick turnaround and this morning has already been better :)
So! My 25th birthday is Wednesday!
As a child my parents always made sure I had a great birthday! Sometimes my birthday celebration would last all week! I would have a birthday party in class (this was more in elementary school), then a birthday party at home with friends and then celebrate with my family. I am super grateful how my parents raised me to make me feel so special and still go to great lengths to make sure I feel so loved on my birthday. I plan to shower Makenna with the same love and enthusiasm on her birthdays!
Every year, as May approached, I would always look forward to celebrating my birthday.
Except this year.
Except for 25.
A quarter of a century.
Half way to 30. 
My mid-20's.
I know some of you reading this are probably thinking "Oh my, stop whining! 25 is not old."
Yes, I know this :) God willing, I still have a looooooong way to go with so many more life experiences to go come.
But 25 scares me. When I'm alone and really have time to think, or a hear an old familiar song or even the way the wind blows sometimes brings back memories.
Time is flying by and it really feels like just yesterday I was going into middle school. Then before I knew it I became a senior in high school. It even feels like just yesterday I was meeting Eric and we were falling in love. Now we are the parents to a 9 month old and have a 4 year anniversary coming up.
WHOA!!
I wasn't much into celebrating this year and even still just want Wednesday to come and go.
But as I was praying myself to sleep last night, I prayed that Jesus would change my perspective on a few things and this included my birthday. That He'd help me look at the positives and rid of the bitter, nostalgic feeling in my gut. And since He knows I'm very much a list person...
first thing this morning, I made a list, in my journal, of 5 of the many great things I want to accomplish and focus on as a 25 year old and I'd love to share with all of you:

1) Grow spiritually
This is so important. I have a heart that aches and craves for ministry; to give and receive it. I am so grateful that Jesus has made my calling for ministry so crystal clear and this year I pray that He uses me as a vessel in every way possible. I pray that He destroys my heart for others and grows me into the leader I know I'm called to be. I want to grow more in scripture and really lead others to the cross. I know that Jesus has so much more in store for my life then I give Him credit for. He knows where I am going and when I'm going there. I can only imagine how this next year will be with Him always leading the way. I just need to trust Him and trust His plan!

2) Go hiking
This may be random but, to me, it's not. I have been getting so into nature and I LOVE the idea of hiking! South Carolina is so absolutely beautiful and I want to take full advantage of everything He's created. Now I don't mean a little trail that circles around some lake, I mean going to a mountain and hiking a trail or going to a local reserve. The trails could be for beginners and I won't mind. I still want to accomplish that! Any tips would be much appreciated :)

3) Get fit
I want to get fit for two simple reasons: to be healthy and for Makenna. To be an example for her of what taking care of your body means and how much it means to our Creator! I would love to be strong and feel good, not just look good! This has been a try and fail for the past 9 months but I am tired of the excuses. Only I can help myself in this department and really want to use this summer to help myself out! I need to get all the junk out of the house and focus on eating right. Hiking, walking/running or riding a bike are exercises I actually like to do and I feel that's a great start! I want 25 to be my best year yet and this totally includes my physical health!

4) Buy a house
And we are SO close! House hunting has been frustrating and a little discouraging but I cant even imagine what great home The Lord has in store for us. Years down the road we will be happy we didn't rush into this and really took the time to find what we wanted and to listen to where we are being called to go. There's something about making this big decision/purchase with my husband that has such meaning to me. I cannot wait to watch our children grow and create memories in a home we can call our own.

5) Become more of a Proverbs 31 Wife
My husband is my best friend, hands down. The way he leads me and our little family is so precious. He's constantly growing more into the man of God I know he wants to be and can be. I am so head over heels in love with Eric and I know that the best is only yet to come in our marriage. To have him as my partner has been the sweetest.
It's never been made more clear, lately, that our marriage is the true foundation of this family. I hope to make more time for us (day dates, date nights, family outings!) so that we can continue to grow in our marriage! I long to be lead more by him and to also be his backbone. My prayer to Jesus is that He can grow me into being the kind of wife described in Proverbs 31. (Go read it!)


You guys, no birthday has to be scary, whether we are celebrating 25, 40 or even 85! Every year we get older is a year to thank Jesus for being alive. A birthday is a chance to celebrate all that is to come and all that has happened.
So cheers to 25! Here's to a year of new experiences and celebrations.

Thoughts, comments, conversation?
gfmamaj@gmail.com


Much love! 

My top To Do's for this summer!

Hey guys!

I am SO super excited for this summer. Eric and I have been making plans, here and there, and I can't wait for all them! 

Eric is originally from South Carolina and since working in a field that requires him to travel all over the state, he's seen quite a bit. I, on the other hand, have not. We have been living here since October 2012 and I've only seen a fraction of what this beautiful state has to offer! I've been doing research on some family and budget friendly things to see and do this spring/summer and I've finally narrowed down a list. Here's what I am most looking forward to doing this summer:

1) Visit the Anderson campus of NewSpring church. For the past year and a half, on Sundays, I have been watching, my pastor, Perry Noble, live and would LOVE to go to watch him preach in person and maybe get the chance to meet him! I suggested to Eric for us to try and do this the weekend before my birthday (May 20th by the way, haha!) and he seemed fond of the idea. We would be able to check out the town the night before and I am super excited to put Makenna into KidSpring there! 

2) Go see a movie at The Big Mo. That name just makes it sound like a great time, doesn't it?! This is a drive-in movie theatre that I've been told about so many times. A night under the stars in the warm summer air, surrounded by popcorn and blankets. I LOVE IT!

3) Camping trip! I've never been camping. I mean, besides somebody's backyard, haha. I've heard that Edisto beach (in SC) is great for camping and hope that's something we can do this spring before it gets too hot! I'm not quite sure how I would be in a camping environment. Makenna will probably do better than me, haha! But I'm certain if there's plenty of food and an air mattress, I'll be just fine :) Any tips for first time campers?? Please share!!

4) CAROWINDS! I mean come on! I've lived in SC for two and half years and have yet to visit this place! When I was little, I wasn't a huge roller coaster fan and honestly, I have such a huge phobia of heights. But the older I get, roller coasters just seem to be an exception! This isn't a great place for Makenna to go to right now, so we would definitely make this a day or group date! Plus they have gluten free chicken tenders and french fries there! YES!!

5) I'm choosing Folly Beach over Myrtle Beach for this year. Folly Beach is located in Charleston County and from the looks of it, seems so historical; which I am super into! Eric travels into Charleston so often for work and has been longing to bring me there to visit. I feel like going to Folly Beach might be a little easier on our wallets since Myrtle Beach is super touristy. I definitely would love to get some beach time in this summer and I hope my research proves me right with this one!

6) Makenna's first birthday party! OH MY GOSH! I have already started to plan her party (picking through themes, location, budget, etc.) and have LOVED it! I am trying to be the mom that embraces and gets excited seeing her baby grow up instead of mourning the time passing. Planning her birthday is helping me do just that! I have a few themes to run by Eric and once we can both agree (that should be interesting!) then the party planning shall officially commence!!

7) This may not happen this spring or summer, but I would love, love, love to take a trip to Gatlinburg, TN this fall :) I've been there twice before and loved each time! I've never been the biggest nature fan but there is nothing like being up in the mountains and having a moment to just..think, reflect and enjoy the tremendous amount of beauty surrounding you. Makenna would be walking by fall and would be able to enjoy some of the things they have for kids! Plus places like this are always cheaper to do in an off season!

8) I look forward to doing the little things there are to do around where we are: fishing, hiking, museums, walking trails, BBQ's with family and friendships, bonfires and shopping ;)

I am so blessed and thankful to have such a fun, wonderful and sweet family to be able to grow and do things with! The friendships that I've made so far this year have been an amazing blessing and I am happy to have them to plan with as well! These next few months have been much anticipated and The Lord has so many plans and changes in our future that I am so excited for. I look forward to taking the time to step aside from all the changes and enjoy our time as a family.
I would love to hear what plans you have for the upcoming months! Any vacations? Just relaxing at home? Have suggestions for me to add to the list? Any day trip ideas? Let me know :) gfmamaj@gmail.com
I pray that whatever it is you are doing in the warmer weather that Jesus brings you many blessings and endless joy!
Much love!!

We took a nice walk to the park with Daddy today and had so much fun on the slide :) I adore these two!!

A letter to the high school Amanda

Dear Amanda,

You are amazing. 

Beautiful. Talented. Unique. Special. 

It's your senior year of high school; you're getting ready to venture out into the big world and you're feeling anything but those qualities I used to describe you. Hear me when I say your smile can light up a room and that singing voice you've been working so hard on to perfect really IS that good. 

You'll grow into your awkward chest, you finally discover what makeup is and no, your rump never gets bigger. Sorry. Oh and by the way, you are BY NO MEANS fat. There's going to come a time when you look back on pictures from this moment and pray to God that you could have that body back. Appreciate that body. Be kind to it. 

Ignore those that hold no real significant meaning in your life. I know it's hard to turn away from the whispers behind your back or the dirty looks in the chorus room but I promise that 2,3 even 4 years down the road those fellow classmates will be even further then a distant memory. Block it out the best you can because you won't see about 99.9% of them again after graduation. 

It's OK that your grades suck. Academics has never and will never be your "thing." Just keep singing. Pour your heart and soul into it! Try your best to be able to graduate and don't worry about the rest. Enjoy the memories of singing in all the different choirs you're in now, ALL State or performing in your last drama performance. It'll be the last time you're on stage for quite a while. 

Be prepared for the biggest heartbreak of your life. You will think he is your first love but I promise, he's not even close to what your first love really feels life. This boy will lead you to new and, what feels like, exciting places. You feel on top of the world. It doesn't last. The relationship is toxic and brings you to a place in your life that you never thought you'd be. When it ends, your heart is going to feel like the biggest rock came and crushed it. Pick yourself up. You're soon going to be in a new place soon and experience new things. which all leads you to meeting the man of your dreams!

This man will be your first love. This man is not looking for love when you meet and vice versa. But he sweeps you off your feet in an instant. You both fall madly in love with each other very quickly. He loves and adores you for who you are and doesn't take advantage or try and change you. He accepts all your baggage and does his best to mend your heart every day. He will change your world. He wants to marry, love and protect you for the rest of your life. So don't be jealous of the marriages your surrounded by. Don't go searching for him. Don't worry when it doesn't work out with anyone else. Your prince charming is on his way.  He is worth the wait.

You're going to lose friends and even family but don't sweat it. It's hard and to this day you will mourn the loss of some of those people from your life. But those that are meant to be in your life will stay around and the friends that you make down the road are simply amazing! They want nothing but to build you up, make you laugh and just love and support you! Keep the negative energy away from you even if that means ending friendships you thought would last forever. You marry into a wonderful family with a sister-in-law who becomes a best friend. These are the people worth sticking around.

You're going to question God. A lot. Keep chasing Him. Follow that feeling in your gut and, yes, change your college major to ministry. Keep building your relationship with Jesus. Trust in Him because the road is long and hard to get to where we are now. Things are about to happen in your life that will shatter your soul. Keep seeking Him. He has plans to save you. He has plans to bring a church into your life that will help move mountains in your heart. He has plans to prosper you and create miracles in your life that you never thought possible. 

Like a baby. Yes despite what you might have said in the past, you ARE going to be a mommy. It's going to be the sweetest time in your life. You are going to wake up every day, look at that baby and feel more then blessed. I promise! It will have taken a lot of time, patience and prayer to have her enter the world but she is more then worth it. She is one of the greatest things to have ever happened to you. She will help you grow up and love your husband even more. Enjoy every second, take a deep breath and know you're an awesome mom!

Lastly, give your mom and dad a break. Yes they get upset when you do something wrong, yes they have to discipline you but it's for the greater good. Cling tight to them because they love you more then anything in this world. A love that you will understand the second you have your own baby. Your relationship with them goes downhill and stays there for a while. It does get better. The hurt heals and the relationship begins to flourish again. Remain honest when you get there and you will all be ok. They will be your best friends and people you see every day. You will get told how much you look, sound, act like your mom and don't even try to act like that bothers you. Because you love it! :)

Take time to be happy, give yourself a pat on the back and know that the best is yet to come. Your life goes through so many ups and downs but it's worth it all to get to where you will be in 6-7 years. Be kind to others and don't lose your free spirit. Don't conform to what the world wants you to be. Be strong and hang in there for the ride. 

It's a beautiful one.

First day of senior year :)

The Happy Challenge

Hey y'all!
I hope you all had a fabulous weekend! Ours was great. We were able to hang out with family quite a bit this weekend, which always makes me happy. Church was fantastic yesterday and the message, as always, left such an impression on my heart that I hope to carry throughout my week. For anyone that is ever looking for a great church, please check out Newspring Church online and I promise you won't regret it.
So I was challenged by a follower, on instagram, to write the 10 things that make me the happiest! This is in no specific order and I challenge all of you to do the same!
1) My faith:
I love my growing relationship with God. I am honored to be the child of a King! I'm constantly looking for my next step with Him and love how far we've come.
2) My family:
I LOVE family. I'd spend and see them all every day if I could. There is nothing like getting together with those that we love most and seeing them with Makenna.
3) DIY:
I am no an artistic person whatsoever but I love finding things to make on Pintrest. My daughters whole nursery is one giant Pintrest project.
4) Food:
I love to eat. I love to cook; especially the better I get at it. I try out new and healthy recipes all the time and love it.
5) My animals:
I am not a cat person and living with an 85 lb weimaner in a fifth wheel is not easy but I love animals; especially my own! They were our first "babies" after all.
6) Music:
Even if it's just in the car, acting goofy, I LOVE to sing and play piano. Music has and always will be such a huge part of my life. In fact, my new serving position at Newspring Church will be to sing and act with the kids in Kidspring. I am SO excited to teach them Jesus on their level especially through the best way I know how.
7) Driving:
I know that sounds silly but to me there is nothing like rolling the windows down on a beautiful day, putting on some country music and go cruising down some back roads. I did this way more before Makenna was born and even before I was pregnant. Eric and I would drive anywhere to see where we'd end up and just talk. Those days are so sweet to me.
8) Friendship:
I've learned a lot about myself through friendships I've either had in the past or have now. There are some friends that are so close to my heart, no matter how often we talk. I believe God brings people into your life for a reason; (We all know I'm about His reasons!) whether it's for a lifetime or just for a season. I am so thankful for all friends that I have, both past and present.
9) My marriage:
I love doing life with my sweet husband. I love how he makes me feel and I love the amazing guy he is and always continues to become. As you can tell, he's one of my favorite subjects to write about. He's definitely a huge reason for my happiness.
10) Motherhood:

This little girl right here is the light of my life. Makenna has taught me so much about myself more then anything or anyone.To think Eric and I created something so beautiful just overwhelms me. I am so blessed and thankful that God chose me to be her mommy. Motherhood is beautiful, stressful, amazing, fun, tiring and demanding of my patience but to watch her grow up and know that we are shaping her life just completes me!!

God gives us so much to be happy and grateful for everyday. Church yesterday reminded me of how beautiful my life is because of Jesus and how much joy He wants for me in my life. I could have listed 50 more things as to what makes me happy but these are the 10 that matter the most.

I would LOVE to hear from you all the 10 things that make you the happiest! Send an email (aljanson819@gmail.com) or write a comment.

I hope you all have an amazing day and hey! If you have a Facebook, make sure you find my new blog page and like it by clicking this link:

GFMama

Your support is much appreciated and gives me a reason to keep writing. Have a great start to the week!

Much love!!

No Mr. Romance. Or is he?

Eric has never been an overly mushy guy. He's a mans man and has never been overly romantic. I think he bought me flowers once and that was two months after we met! To be honest it used to upset me. I used to wonder why he wouldn't shower me with chocolate, flowers or nice gifts. Or why he never wrote me love letters or looked into my eyes underneath the stars and captivate me with his words. I wanted the typical, mushy kind of love that you see in the movies. (Which is a problem with a lot of people!) And it took me well into a year and a half into our marriage to realize that's not what matters. That life is not a movie, it's real.

Yes, flowers are nice and chocolates are yummy but do they really matter in the grand scheme of things?

Not really; not to me. Not anymore at least.

Eric works HARD. Always has as long as I've known him. He was an outstanding Marine and went above and beyond in all he did. He's quickly been advancing and moving up in the job he is in now and he does it all for one main reason.

Our family. 

I have a husband who puts in well over 60 (more like 70) hours a week just to make sure his wife and daughter are living a good life.

I have a husband who comes home after working those long days and will still  help with Makenna or housework and then makes sure he has plenty of time to spend with me.

I have a husband who leads me in the most beautiful way a husband can; with a Christ-like heart. The ways Eric has changed and helped progress my relationship with Jesus is one thing (besides making me a mommy) I am most thankful for. 

While I'm ready to completely freak out over any crisis that may happen, he's already there getting it all worked out. He's truly my backbone and after 3 years and two months of marriage, I can honestly say I fall in love with him again, over and over! Watching him be a daddy to our baby girl makes my little heart want to explode.

I have a husband who has made me feel SO incredibly beautiful everyday, especially since I have been feeling a little down about how I look after giving birth. He still makes me feel fantastic! It will never matter what anyone else may think because I know he's on my team.

Last week, Eric comes into the house after being outside for quite a while. He looked at me and asked "Has anyone ever carved your name into a tree before?" I laughed and said "If you mean a boyfriend then absolutely not, why?"

This is why:

So you see, I don't need the flowers, the nice gifts, the star gazing or chocolate (well...I'll take some chocolate, ha!) to feel romanced by my husband. I just need him to be, him! He is romantic in the ways he knows how even if it may not fit what I used to expect. He is my best friend and someone I love to be around as much as I can. And if the best really is yet to come then I can't even comprehend how great the rest of my life will be with him by my side!

Love you babe :)

I hope you all are having a fantastic Thursday! Only one more day till the weekend, so hang in there.

I just wanted to say the responses of love, encouragement, testimonies and praise over my last post was overwhelming! I can't thank you enough for the positivity you all showed me.

I'm here for whatever you need to send my way: aljanson819@gmail.com

Much love!

We all have a story to tell

The story of how I came to know Christ is not one I share quite often. It brings up unwanted memories of a past that, to this day, I struggle to accept. But the more I progress in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel Him calling me. Calling me to be bold and share the news of how He saved me. I kept dismissing those calls and when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't go that far. I would keep the posts light and positive; only lightly talking about what Jesus does in my life.
Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39 

It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.

So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!

I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed. 

My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.

Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me. 

This was only the very beginning.

Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence. 

November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!

Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies. 

But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.

I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY.  I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again. 

It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.

But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.

In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out. 

Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.  

In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about. 

That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together. 

I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same. 

If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone. 

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok. 

If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com

You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.

MUCH love!

You know you're a grown up when...

I'm sitting on the couch, already engaged in my morning routine, thinking about these last 8 weeks of motherhood and 3 years of marriage and how truly different my life has become.
Well obviously right?
Here's what I've come up with for reasons you know you're a grown up when:
*9 am is sleeping in
*cleaning your cats liter box makes you feel like you have your life together
*drinking in large quantities no longer amuses me. Actually nothing more then a glass of wine, once in a blue moon, amuses me
*you look at a group of teenagers and refer to them as "those kids"
*you wake up and your back actually hurts from lack of movement
*you kill a spider in your house without crying
*buying stuff for your house makes you feel giddy
*a young couple comes to YOU for marriage advice
*classmates from high school are getting married and/or having children
*you are married and have a child yourself
*about 99.9% of the pictures in my phone are of my baby. Or my pets
*a night on the couch sounds glorious
*you start shopping in the "miss" section at Kohls
*your mom really is your best friend
*you get excited when the 5:00 news comes on
*your credit score is on your priority list
*bargain shopping and seeing how much you can save becomes a hobby
*bedtime is something you actually look forward to
*you start working on yourself and trying to become someone others can look up to
*you realize you still need some help from your parents and you're ok with that
*you've mastered writing a resume
*things like car taxes, house taxes and Christmas shopping make it into your monthly budget
*you subscribe to magazines like American Baby and Better Homes and Garden
*you've started taking care of your body
*because your metabolism isn't quite keeping up like it used to
*you realize how important buying an extended warranty on a car is. Especially for a Ford (AH!)
*your baby smiling is the best thing you could ever look at
*you realize how much God really does have your back
*you and your husband look for other parents to hang out with because they get it. They just really get it
And most importantly:
*you don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore. Life is going to happen. Cars will break down, people will still be mean to you, coffee will get dumped down the front of your shirt and you will still make mistakes.
Being a grown up is exhausting and there are times I don't want to do it anymore.
But I am blessed with an amazing family that never stops guiding us, a husband and baby that really do seem to like me and a God that will never stop getting me through this crazy whirlwind of life.
Want to add anything to that list? Comment or send an email!
I've been loving what y'all have been sending me. Seeing what God does in lives of others who I don't even know is rewarding so please! Keep them coming :) I'm always available!
As always thank you reading and I'm here for each of y'all. aljanson819@gmail.com
Much love!

It all started with a toaster

"I have found the one whom my soul loves."
-Song of Solomon 3:4
Yes, this ones about you babe!
Growing up and becoming an adult is scary but when you have your best friend by your side, it's not  necessarily easier but sweeter.
I prayed for Eric to come into my life long before I met him. My heart was bruised from the only other serious relationship I had before him and I was anxious to move past that and meet the man I could call my husband.
As we all know (and I'm clearly a firm believer), everything happens in Gods time and not our own. How everything happened between Eric and I was and still is fate. Gods gentle hands have been all over our relationship from the beginning!
Rewind to  February 20, 2011. Another Valentines Day had past and I was more bitter about love then the year before. I had spent some time with friends that weekend at Cherry Point Air Station with no intentions of wanting to meet anyone, especially a Marine.
I was actually getting ready to leave and go back home when I saw a white Ford Ranger roll up to the barracks and a very tall man in uniform get out and slam his truck door. My friend turns to me and tells me that was the guy she wanted to introduce to me. I told her forget it, he seems goofy. Next thing you know, Eric is throwing a toaster over the balcony of his barracks all because his roommate made him fail room inspection. Not only did he spark my interest then for some reason but I also wanted the toaster, ha!
A few moments later, we met! One sushi date and a week later, he finally asked for my number. I guess you can say we started dating immediately. The next weekend he took me down to SC where I met his family and the rest is history! We spent every single moment we had together. We would sit in the walmart parking lot for hours just talking. We would take turns driving that hour and a half drive to see each other every day until I finally moved closer to be with him.
On my 21st birthday (3 months later) we were riding in that same truck when he asked (more  like declared) me to marry him. After asking my parents permission, we set the date for August 12th but the Marine Corps decided 24 hour duty was more important so we set it for August 19, 2011.
Three years and two months later and I still get butterflies when I know my husband is on the way home from work. Anytime I look at him, it's like I see him for the first time. I still remember what it was like the first time he kissed me, told me he loved me, or sang to me in his truck.
Our relationship has been the biggest growing experience in my life. God used Eric to save me and mend the bruises that surrounded my heart. He showed me what love really was when I needed it the most. He is my biggest blessing and without him, I wouldn't be a mother to the most beautiful baby girl.
He's my best friend, my soulmate, my teammate, my tickle fighter, my hard worker, my honest critic, my spiritual mentor and the best daddy I could've ever asked him to be. After all we've been through, I know that we were meant to do life together. I couldn't be more proud of the man and father he's been becoming.
If you're looking for love, stop. God will bring a partner to you at the exact right time. It'll be worth the wait and, like me, you'll look back one day at the times you were at your loneliest and just be
even more thankful for the person by your side. Love is out there, just keep praying!
As always, I'm here to pray with or for you about anything! aljanson819@gmail.com.
Much love!