Dear Sweet, Infertile Friend

Dear Infertile Friend,
First let me say:
You are NOT alone!
My infertility journey was frustrating, scary, lonely, confusing but most importantly..humbling. 
My sweet, sweet husband did the absolute best he could with being supportive. We knew the problem was me, we just couldn't figure out why.
I wrote a post called The Story of Our Miracle Baby that I encourage you to read. Our story may not be the same but the pain still runs deep.
Let me say that there is nothing wrong with you. You were not made broken because our Creator loves you way too much to have made you that way.
I want you to know that, with Mothers Day coming up, that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and hurting with you. That day for me was a huge smack of a reminder of what I didn't have. I know how hard it's going to be and I know that no words are going to make it better. But know that my gift to you that day is my ear that is willing to listen as long as you need me to.
I want you to know that I am here. Here to listen, to get angry with you and to cry with you.
I understand that you look at others with envy and I do not judge when you get irritable being around families with children.
I was the same way.
Infertility takes away so much: a normal sex life, your money, your patience, and your sanity.
I kept track of temps, marked days on the calendar and googled every pinge or twinge of a symptom I felt. I spent more than my fair share of time and energy peeing on sticks and getting the same, negative result.
I understand that what worked for me will not work for you, being as we are all crafted differently.
What I NEED you to understand is that the Creator of the universe will not leave you out in the cold. He will meet you where you are. He will comfort you, guide you and bless you the more you trust Him with this situation.
I can promise you that Jesus will take your tears and pain and turn this into progress. The two years of infertility issues we went through were so that I could finally hand over the control I had on my life and give it all to Him. He wants us to take painful and just plain awful situations and use them to draw closer to Him. His purpose for my pain is to reach out to others, like you, with open arms and tell you that I understand.
I GET IT! 
I found GRACE through our infertility. I found compassion and I found mercy through Jesus.
I promise you that He has been working behind the scenes to conduct a marvelous plan for all of this. It may not be what we have in mind but I promise that it will be better than we could have ever planned for ourselves!
Hang in there.
Reach out to others going through the same thing.
Reach out to others that have been where you are and can help.
If I could go back and tell myself anything it would be to say: that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to feel bitter. It's ok to have a glass of wine and forget a night of taking a prenatal vitamin. Find support and reach out to others. Don't beat myself up and don't ever, ever feel like something is wrong with me.

I adore you sweet friend. I am here for you.
MUCH, MUCH LOVE <3

If you or somebody know is struggling with infertility, here are a couple of link I want to share as valuable resources:
National Infertility Awareness Week 
Daily Strength
Fertility Lifelines
and of course: gfmamaj@gmail.com

My top To Do's for this summer!

Hey guys!

I am SO super excited for this summer. Eric and I have been making plans, here and there, and I can't wait for all them! 

Eric is originally from South Carolina and since working in a field that requires him to travel all over the state, he's seen quite a bit. I, on the other hand, have not. We have been living here since October 2012 and I've only seen a fraction of what this beautiful state has to offer! I've been doing research on some family and budget friendly things to see and do this spring/summer and I've finally narrowed down a list. Here's what I am most looking forward to doing this summer:

1) Visit the Anderson campus of NewSpring church. For the past year and a half, on Sundays, I have been watching, my pastor, Perry Noble, live and would LOVE to go to watch him preach in person and maybe get the chance to meet him! I suggested to Eric for us to try and do this the weekend before my birthday (May 20th by the way, haha!) and he seemed fond of the idea. We would be able to check out the town the night before and I am super excited to put Makenna into KidSpring there! 

2) Go see a movie at The Big Mo. That name just makes it sound like a great time, doesn't it?! This is a drive-in movie theatre that I've been told about so many times. A night under the stars in the warm summer air, surrounded by popcorn and blankets. I LOVE IT!

3) Camping trip! I've never been camping. I mean, besides somebody's backyard, haha. I've heard that Edisto beach (in SC) is great for camping and hope that's something we can do this spring before it gets too hot! I'm not quite sure how I would be in a camping environment. Makenna will probably do better than me, haha! But I'm certain if there's plenty of food and an air mattress, I'll be just fine :) Any tips for first time campers?? Please share!!

4) CAROWINDS! I mean come on! I've lived in SC for two and half years and have yet to visit this place! When I was little, I wasn't a huge roller coaster fan and honestly, I have such a huge phobia of heights. But the older I get, roller coasters just seem to be an exception! This isn't a great place for Makenna to go to right now, so we would definitely make this a day or group date! Plus they have gluten free chicken tenders and french fries there! YES!!

5) I'm choosing Folly Beach over Myrtle Beach for this year. Folly Beach is located in Charleston County and from the looks of it, seems so historical; which I am super into! Eric travels into Charleston so often for work and has been longing to bring me there to visit. I feel like going to Folly Beach might be a little easier on our wallets since Myrtle Beach is super touristy. I definitely would love to get some beach time in this summer and I hope my research proves me right with this one!

6) Makenna's first birthday party! OH MY GOSH! I have already started to plan her party (picking through themes, location, budget, etc.) and have LOVED it! I am trying to be the mom that embraces and gets excited seeing her baby grow up instead of mourning the time passing. Planning her birthday is helping me do just that! I have a few themes to run by Eric and once we can both agree (that should be interesting!) then the party planning shall officially commence!!

7) This may not happen this spring or summer, but I would love, love, love to take a trip to Gatlinburg, TN this fall :) I've been there twice before and loved each time! I've never been the biggest nature fan but there is nothing like being up in the mountains and having a moment to just..think, reflect and enjoy the tremendous amount of beauty surrounding you. Makenna would be walking by fall and would be able to enjoy some of the things they have for kids! Plus places like this are always cheaper to do in an off season!

8) I look forward to doing the little things there are to do around where we are: fishing, hiking, museums, walking trails, BBQ's with family and friendships, bonfires and shopping ;)

I am so blessed and thankful to have such a fun, wonderful and sweet family to be able to grow and do things with! The friendships that I've made so far this year have been an amazing blessing and I am happy to have them to plan with as well! These next few months have been much anticipated and The Lord has so many plans and changes in our future that I am so excited for. I look forward to taking the time to step aside from all the changes and enjoy our time as a family.
I would love to hear what plans you have for the upcoming months! Any vacations? Just relaxing at home? Have suggestions for me to add to the list? Any day trip ideas? Let me know :) gfmamaj@gmail.com
I pray that whatever it is you are doing in the warmer weather that Jesus brings you many blessings and endless joy!
Much love!!

We took a nice walk to the park with Daddy today and had so much fun on the slide :) I adore these two!!

Humble beginnings make the best blessings

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5
This verse has been on my heart the past few weeks. I've been reading it every morning and have been trying my best to meditate and pray over it throughout my day. It's gets difficult for me though. I look at the pictures of my friends picking out their Christmas trees and decorating their beautiful homes with decorations; stockings hang over their fireplaces. I look at our little fifth wheel with sadness. Knowing that, even though Makenna is too little this year to even understand Christmas, I still wish I had more to offer her this year.
MORE
There is a word I need to stop using. A word that keeps my heart constantly running in search of what else I can add to my list of things and a word that makes God sad.
Hebrews 13:5 is the perfect verse for the season in my life right now. As a Christian, I need to take a look at what I DO have and not only make the best out of it but appreciate it. Be thankful for the warm bed where I can safely lay my head down at night. A home filled with baby laughter, dog barks, kitty meows and the gentle words of my husband.
I AM BLESSED!
The more it sinks in of rich my life truly is, the more contentment I feel. I still have moments where the flesh part of me wishes we had more, but Jesus is teaching me patience, love and contentment. I pray that He continues to fill my heart, mostly, with those three things. He wants to fulfill our wishes, just when He feels it's right. And I'm learning to be ok with that.
So in honor of Hebrews 13:5, Christmas and Hanukkah (yes, Jesus was Jewish! And I used to be as well, so why not?!) here is a little part of the holidays at the Jansons:

Here is our little Charlie Brown Christmas tree and menorah :)

Spam my email with your holiday decorations! 

Today is my parents 28th anniversary, as I'm sure many of you saw on Facebook or Instagram. I look at them and see nothing but so much love. After 28 years they still are the best of friends and companions. They have helped Eric and I so much throughout our marriage and have a huge influence on our marriage and us as people. I hope the next 28 years are just as magical as the first. I love you guys! 

Eric and I were so happy to be able to attend the Newspring Volunteer Christmas Party last night. We met up with some sweet friends and enjoyed a really nice night. I must say I LOVE my church. It has played a big role in how far my relationship with Jesus has come and is still going. To be part of a movement with Newspring that have one goal: to bring as many people closer to Jesus as possible in a world that needs Him more then ever; it's amazing. I have never loved Jesus as much as I do one and I know the best is only yet to come. 

Today I went with my parents and Makenna (Eric had to unfortunately work) to the Soda City in downtown Columbia. It's one of my favorite, local places to go and walk around and I actually spent more then I wanted to, haha. Here are some pictures from our fun day:

I scored Makenna some really cute, homemade bows! 

Indulged in a gluten free cupcake for me and a regular cupcake for Eric! 

Love my mama! 

Babywearing is one of my favorite things to do with Makenna! She falls asleep every time.

Tomorrow is Makennas dedication. We are having the care pastor from our church come to my parents home and just pray over our family. This is such a big deal to Eric and I as we make a promise before our family and friends to raise Makenna in a Christ-like and Christ-loving environment. I am excited to make our sweet baby that promise and I am looking forward to teaching her all about Jesus. It's going to be a nice day and I cannot wait! 

I hope you are all enjoying the holiday season so far and are having a great weekend. If I can pray for you or with you in any way possible please don't ever hesitate to email me: gfmamaj@gmail.com.

Don't stop spreading the love and taking time to remember what this season represents, no matter what holiday you celebrate. 

Much love to you all! Xoxoxo

My heart is filled with more then just turkey!

Happy Post Thanksgiving! 
I trust that your day of food, family, friends and thanks was a great one.
Ours was one for the books because we had our sweet little turkey this year! Despite Makenna not feeling well, she was happy the entire day. Our family loved being around her and she was passed around quite a bit to get a little bit of love from everyone. By the end of the evening, we still followed her nightly routine of bath and bottle at 7:30 pm and she fell asleep just like this in her daddy's old childhood room:

So now that we (well at least The Janson family) have officially entered the holiday season, I am SO excited! Christmas shopping for a baby is the best and most fun. I never want to rush Makenna growing up but I look forward to when she is old enough to understand the real meaning behind Christmas.

Christmas last year meant the most to me then it had any other year. It was my first Christmas celebrating as a saved Christian. I focused more on the fact that it was to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior then the Hallmark aspect of it. (And of course finding out we were pregnant!!!)

To think of what God gave to us that night when Jesus was born is overwhelming and the more my relationship grows with him, the more I am absolutely in love with this holiday. I will do all I can as a mother and a servant to God to teach our children how important and special Christmas really is without all the presents and "getting." How important it is to, not only give all year around but especially through the holiday season. I hope they grow to learn and love Jesus as much as Eric and I do :) My heart feels so warm and full of love going into this holiday season. I cannot wait to see what this Christmas brings for our family and also for our church!

These past four days have been so nice having Eric around. With him working and being away so much, it's always nice and important to make time as a family to build our own memories around this time. And these past few days, we sure have! We finished decorating our little fifth wheel with what we could fit. It'll be nice to have a home next year where we can put up a Christmas tree and lights. All in do time ;)

Last night we had a fire over at my parents house. We had peppermint, hot cocoa and s'mores in front of the fire pit and it was a nice time. Family really is so important to me and I am blessed to have a husband that feels the same way! I look forward to so many wonderful years as a family and I can't wait to watch it grow. 

Here are a few pictures from our time together these past few days:

Our wonderful turkey that my in-laws made for Thanksgiving. They are SUPER good chefs!!!

We got together with our bible study friends for some desert and fellowship the following night. Caught Eric in the act of eating his 20th cookie, haha, and there's our friend Sam in the background! 

Our sweet baby slept in her crib for the first time last night and I totally cried. She is getting so big, so fast!! I love her to pieces!

The awesome fire my dad and Eric made. There's our yummy s'mores plate!

(For gluten free smores, I just used two pieces of Hershey's mini chocolate bars to sandwich a marshmallow! YUM!)

I hope all of you had some nice time off this week so spend with those who matter most to you!And as we enter the holiday season with full force, remember to not get so caught up in all the presents and decorations, etc. Think about giving more then you'll receive this year. Head over to your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter and really spend time with those that need the love and grace, that Jesus equips us with, the most! I hope you all have a great Sunday and as always I'm here for you to reach out to about anything: gfmamaj@gmail.com

MUCH LOVE xoxo

Just a little something to make you LOL!

Happy One Year Anniversary Jesus!

One whole year already!

November 5th, 2013 was the day that my husband and I attended the ownership class at Newspring. We almost didn't make it, wanting to do something else and thinking the class wouldn't be more then a 15 minute, get to know the church, type thing.

Little did we know how miraculous and life changing it was going to be for us! We were saved right there at the class, together!

Eric and I were not meant to find Jesus alone and I am so blessed He brought me to Eric so we can do it together. Having our relationship constantly grow together is such a beautiful thing to watch for me.

Life did not automatically become picture percect. This past year has been a whirlwind of laughter, tears, anger, frustration, joy and the most love I've ever felt in my life. The Lord just continues to pour His blessings all over us, even when the times are hard! The trials He has and is putting us through has made us closer as a couple and I have been able to get out there and help others with what we've been through. As I've said before, He uses our past for purpose. I wouldn't change the sequence of events for anything. It's all leading us to a greater purpose.

I am SO very excited for what is to come from here. I am always looking for my next step in this walk with Jesus. The best really is yet to come and I know that our hand will be held the entire way by a God who cannot wait to give us all He has in store for us. He really does want great gifts for His children!!!

I promise you, it's a beautiful freedom. It's a peace in knowing that, even though I may not be where I want to be, He is taking care of me and I am far better off then I was before. His love has pulled Eric and I through so many dark times. I pray for EVERYBODY to have a relationship with Jesus.

God is calling me to be bold and I am ready! I am so blessed to be in the process of becoming part of Newspring's worship band. I have been praying to be lead to serve in that way for a while; waiting for the right season in life to go ahead and audition. Music is such a huge part of my soul and I know it was given to me to use for the greater good of Him. Eric is also busy serving at church and really likes the area he's settled in! So if you see him directing traffic in the parking lot, give him a wave!! He's probably the tallest volunteer they have, haha!

These are our best days and most humble beginnings. It took me a while to appreciate what I have, what I don't have and what we are working toward. I am God's project and my heart and love for Him grows stronger everyday. I am so thankful for Newspring and all it has done to help Eric and I reach this point in our life. I cannot wait to see Makenna start attending Kidspring. The volunteers and staff members are just wonderful with teaching the kids Jesus on their level and I know she will love it :)

The best is yet to come.

On a different note, I am almost done with my holiday shopping! Woo hoo!! I have a few more little things to get to put together for family and for little M but I am so close to being done. That means I can go out on Black Friday and be selfish ;) Haha! No, but really, I just wanted to enjoy Makenna's first Christmas season not having to worry about running around and shopping like a mad woman.

Have any on you all put a dent in your Holiday shopping list?

Well, I am off to the flea market today to find some goodies! Hope you all have a great Hump Day!

If ANY of you want to talk to me about Jesus, forming a relationship with Him, any questions or comments, or you just want to get something off your chest PLEASE shoot me an email: gfmamaj@gmail.com. I love hearing from y'all!

Spread some joy out here today.

Much love!

I just LOVE them! :)

We all have a story to tell

The story of how I came to know Christ is not one I share quite often. It brings up unwanted memories of a past that, to this day, I struggle to accept. But the more I progress in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel Him calling me. Calling me to be bold and share the news of how He saved me. I kept dismissing those calls and when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't go that far. I would keep the posts light and positive; only lightly talking about what Jesus does in my life.
Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39 

It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.

So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!

I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed. 

My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.

Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me. 

This was only the very beginning.

Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence. 

November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!

Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies. 

But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.

I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY.  I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again. 

It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.

But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.

In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out. 

Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.  

In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about. 

That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together. 

I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same. 

If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone. 

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok. 

If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com

You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.

MUCH love!

Hello my name is Amanda and I'm addicted to fall!

Why do so many people just love fall so much?
I could think of TONS of reasons:
-Pumpkin everything
-Thanksgiving
-Comfy sweaters and sweatshirts that make you want to snuggle with the first thing you see
-That crisp and chilly feel in the air
-The feeling that the crisp air gives you; the kind of feeling that just makes you think and feel good inside
-The constant burning of apple pie, whipped pumpkin pie and apple cinnamon candles in the house. Though I let those scents burn all year round.
-Knowing that soon after fall is Christmas!! (Anyone start their shopping yet?? This mama has!)
My favorite is the fun of going to a Famers Market on a nice day or the pumpkin patch. And these past two days, I have done just that :)

Yesterday evening we went pumpkin picking and hay-riding with one of our favorite little familes! They brought their daughter Olivia who was a little bit more into it then our sleeping baby. It was a nice night and we always have fun with them. Heres some pictures to share:

It was such a beautiful sunset last night! Made for the most perfect pumpkin picking environment

Eric was finally able to babywear Makenna, our little pumpkin head, and loved every second of it. Judging by the way she was passed out the whole time, I think she did too. She loves her daddy!

So many pumpkins to choose from!

Sunflowers are my favorite and have been since I was a little girl!

We made it home a little after 8 with some yummy Chick-Fil-A to eat and Makenna was wide awake. We've never taken her off her schedule before and probably won't again for a while since she was up till 10 pm laughing at the warning label in her bassinet, haha!

Today, Eric and my dad were able to go to the Gamecocks football game, (thanks to his awesome boss!) so my mom and I decided to check out the Soda City Market in downtown Columbia. It was AWESOME! So many cute vendors and fellow babywearers! Here are some pictures from today's adventure:

There was a breast cancer marathon going on as well, so we saw lots of pink! 

We were able to fill a box with as much farm, fresh vegis and fruits that we could fit. We took great advantage of that and I'm so excited to fill my fridge with it with so much healthy yumminess!

Makenna loved being outside in the fresh air for the second day in a row!

Now let me tell about this amazing restaurant we stopped at for lunch. The ENTIRE menu is gluten free! (Happy day for this Celiac!) It's also vegan and dairy-free friendly. They name of the place is Good Life Cafe and everything is raw. Their food isn't cooked, it's dehydrated (I hope I got that right) and never goes above 115 degrees. I had the eggplant/bacon sandwich on onion bread with a fresh fruit cup and kale salad. YUM! I recommend it to anyone of my SC friends!

Days like today give me an extra boost of a reminder of how good I have it. How life is just so wonderful and the blessings that surround me, even in a simple sandwich, amaze me! God works ALL the time. He never stops showing me how wonderful my life can be if I just follow His lead. 

I hope all of you are enjoying your fall so far! As always, my email is always open (aljanson819@gmail.com) with anything you feel the need to send. I love reading your emails and the audience I'm getting from across the world is amazing and totally keeps me motivated to keep writing! God is good, God is great.

Much love!

  

The 10 things I like about...me!

Hello there and happy Friday!
For as long as I can remember I, like most humans, have always been my worst critic. I judge myself over everything I do, put myself down and I'm just down right mean to, well, me!
While I'm still pretty hard on myself, I'm growing to love more of the things God blessed me with when He created me. Motherhood has brought this out a lot. A new sense of drive, determination and motivation. A new sense to want to be someone others can look up to; especially my daughter. I don't want her growing up seeing how I treat myself and end up following my lead.
So I'm making a list. A public declaration of 10 things about me that I like. I'm going to write it out and post it where I can view it everyday! A reminder of how fine tuned I am to have been made exactly how God wanted me to be. Here it goes!
10 things:
1) I like how well I've adapted to motherhood
2) I like the singing voice I was blessed with
3) I like my feet
4) I like my ability to love as hard as I do
5) I like my big, brown eyes
6) I like how I play the piano
7) I like how far I've come as a person so far in my 20's
8) I like my cooking
9) I like how I dance, even if I'm embarrassing
10) I like my body and the amazing things it can do

So there it is! Not easy for me to write, especially that last one. Because when I look in the mirror it's hard to be happy. I see stretch marks and loose skin that are the remains of my big preggo belly.
But it tells a story. A story of how I carried life for 9 months. It reminds me that I am beautiful!
It stills gives me motivation to work out and eat right but that's ok. My point is that there is no more pressure to fit back into my size 2, pre pregnancy jeans. It took 9 months to grow my sweet baby and it might take 9 months to bounce back. I'm happy to say that I'm really ok with that!

We all need to cut ourselves some slack. Whether it's about our bodies, upcoming or past changes, a job, parenthood!
My house is a mess, there's dishes in the sink, my bed isn't made and my napping daughter has a foul smell coming from her diaper.
IT'S OK!!!!
I'm doing great and the best I can as a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend and a Christian! I'm going to make mistakes; I have made mistakes. I've hurt people, I've hurt God and I've hurt myself. And I may never fit into those old size 2 jeans but I'm still going to give myself a pat on the back.
Life is constantly a work in progress and it's almost like I'm Gods project. I will take 5 steps forward only to take 6 steps back. But I'm learning. We all are. I've come a long way from a person I used to be so ashamed of. As much as I'm learning to forgive and love others, I'm doing the same for myself.
So whatever it is you're struggling with, on a personal level, it's ok. It will all be ok because YOU ARE GREAT!
How about you write a list? And put it where you can see it, like on your mirror or your wallet. Remind yourself that all the good things about you outweigh the negative.
If you want to share it with me, send in a prayer request or just let off some steam, my email is always open: aljanson819@gmail.com
Smile, you're great and beautiful :)
Much love!

These two give me reasons to feel beautiful and wonderful everyday! ❤️

The story of our miracle baby

Our little pastry chef, haha!

"For this child I have prayed." -1 Samuel 1:27
Happy two months to my sweet baby girl, Makenna! I cannot believe it has been two months already but at the same time it feels like she has always been in our lives. It amazes me how I cannot even imagine what life was before this little girl took over our hearts. I was thinking, to celebrate her being two months today, I'll tell you the background story of how Makenna is our miracle baby :) It's officially one of my favorite stories to tell.
I had always wanted to be a mom. I love children and my first job was working at a place called Party Playhouse-we threw birthday parties for kids and I had a blast working there!
When I met and married Eric, I couldn't wait for us to have a baby. About 5 months after we were married, we started to try for our first. We were both pretty nervous and excited at the same time.
Fast forward to a year later and we still weren't having any luck. I went to the doctors and had a check over to make sure I was healthy and everything checked out ok. I was getting nervous because I knew what the year mark meant. Problems.
After rattling my brain and much research, I decided it was best I faithfully followed the Gluten Free diet that I needed to follow, due to Celiac Disease. All the arrows were pointing to that being the problem so I disciplined myself and eliminated all gluten from my diet.
The next 10 months after that was truly a test of my faith. And for a majority of it, I failed. I watched friends get pregnant and others have their babies with envy. I would cry myself to sleep wondering what was wrong with me while Eric kept insisting it was him, even though we both knew it wasn't.
I knew in my heart it was because of the Celiac Disease and me not following my diet for so long. I was trying all I could to make it right and I felt like a failure for not being able to give my husband the gift we longed for.
During this time Eric tried so hard to keep my faith up; telling me it just wasn't our time yet and it will happen in Gods time, not ours. I just grew more bitter. At the end of November 2013, I watched a few more friends post their happy pregnancy announcements and lost all hope for us. I once again went to my husband for comfort and instead of telling me it'll be ok, he grabbed my hand and prayed for us. Something we SHOULD have been doing all along.
Two weeks later I felt compelled to make an appointment with an OBGYN and see what fertility options would be available for us. I was able to get in that Tuesday with the physicians assistant and went with my mom and Eric. The doctor checked me over, took some blood work to check my thyroid and said she would call me with the results. She wanted to do an ultrasound the following week to see if all was ok there. We left on happy terms knowing that we were finally doing something to help ourselves have a baby.
The next morning I was leaving for work and literally just locked my front door when my phone started ringing with the doctor on the other end. When I asked if everything was ok she had told me we didn't need to go ahead and look into any fertility treatments. I was so confused and the first thing that ran through my head was that it was over; there was no chance for us. After asking her why, she told me the news.
I was already pregnant!
Happy wasn't the word for it and I couldn't stop crying! At the ultrasound that next week, we discovered that I became pregnant around the second week of November. Finally! It was our turn to become parents. Eric couldn't believe it when I told him the news. We were both just so happy!
God had a plan all along to bless us with a child. He just wanted me to be healthy and to fully rely on His timing and plan, which we did when Eric finally prayed over the situation that November night; when I was already pregnant!
After 9 months, 22 hours of labor, 20 minutes of pushing and Makenna ending up in the special care nursery, we had her. She is the result of a miracle. I grow more in love with her everyday and I am so blessed to be her mommy. It was the wait and every tear. I couldn't thank The Lord more for making us parents.
While it may not be a baby, I know there are a lot of you waiting for something. Do not give up hoping and praying. God hears you, I promise and is waiting till He knows you're ready for whatever
blessing He wants to throw your way. He wants good gifts for His children and all you have to do is have faith. I pray for you each of you that has something in your heart that you're waiting for.
I'm here to pray with you over anything! If you have something to share please send an email to aljanson819@gmail.com!
Miracles happen everyday. I am so thankful for mine and I know you will be for yours.
Much love!

You know you're a grown up when...

I'm sitting on the couch, already engaged in my morning routine, thinking about these last 8 weeks of motherhood and 3 years of marriage and how truly different my life has become.
Well obviously right?
Here's what I've come up with for reasons you know you're a grown up when:
*9 am is sleeping in
*cleaning your cats liter box makes you feel like you have your life together
*drinking in large quantities no longer amuses me. Actually nothing more then a glass of wine, once in a blue moon, amuses me
*you look at a group of teenagers and refer to them as "those kids"
*you wake up and your back actually hurts from lack of movement
*you kill a spider in your house without crying
*buying stuff for your house makes you feel giddy
*a young couple comes to YOU for marriage advice
*classmates from high school are getting married and/or having children
*you are married and have a child yourself
*about 99.9% of the pictures in my phone are of my baby. Or my pets
*a night on the couch sounds glorious
*you start shopping in the "miss" section at Kohls
*your mom really is your best friend
*you get excited when the 5:00 news comes on
*your credit score is on your priority list
*bargain shopping and seeing how much you can save becomes a hobby
*bedtime is something you actually look forward to
*you start working on yourself and trying to become someone others can look up to
*you realize you still need some help from your parents and you're ok with that
*you've mastered writing a resume
*things like car taxes, house taxes and Christmas shopping make it into your monthly budget
*you subscribe to magazines like American Baby and Better Homes and Garden
*you've started taking care of your body
*because your metabolism isn't quite keeping up like it used to
*you realize how important buying an extended warranty on a car is. Especially for a Ford (AH!)
*your baby smiling is the best thing you could ever look at
*you realize how much God really does have your back
*you and your husband look for other parents to hang out with because they get it. They just really get it
And most importantly:
*you don't sweat the small stuff as much anymore. Life is going to happen. Cars will break down, people will still be mean to you, coffee will get dumped down the front of your shirt and you will still make mistakes.
Being a grown up is exhausting and there are times I don't want to do it anymore.
But I am blessed with an amazing family that never stops guiding us, a husband and baby that really do seem to like me and a God that will never stop getting me through this crazy whirlwind of life.
Want to add anything to that list? Comment or send an email!
I've been loving what y'all have been sending me. Seeing what God does in lives of others who I don't even know is rewarding so please! Keep them coming :) I'm always available!
As always thank you reading and I'm here for each of y'all. aljanson819@gmail.com
Much love!

It all started with a toaster

"I have found the one whom my soul loves."
-Song of Solomon 3:4
Yes, this ones about you babe!
Growing up and becoming an adult is scary but when you have your best friend by your side, it's not  necessarily easier but sweeter.
I prayed for Eric to come into my life long before I met him. My heart was bruised from the only other serious relationship I had before him and I was anxious to move past that and meet the man I could call my husband.
As we all know (and I'm clearly a firm believer), everything happens in Gods time and not our own. How everything happened between Eric and I was and still is fate. Gods gentle hands have been all over our relationship from the beginning!
Rewind to  February 20, 2011. Another Valentines Day had past and I was more bitter about love then the year before. I had spent some time with friends that weekend at Cherry Point Air Station with no intentions of wanting to meet anyone, especially a Marine.
I was actually getting ready to leave and go back home when I saw a white Ford Ranger roll up to the barracks and a very tall man in uniform get out and slam his truck door. My friend turns to me and tells me that was the guy she wanted to introduce to me. I told her forget it, he seems goofy. Next thing you know, Eric is throwing a toaster over the balcony of his barracks all because his roommate made him fail room inspection. Not only did he spark my interest then for some reason but I also wanted the toaster, ha!
A few moments later, we met! One sushi date and a week later, he finally asked for my number. I guess you can say we started dating immediately. The next weekend he took me down to SC where I met his family and the rest is history! We spent every single moment we had together. We would sit in the walmart parking lot for hours just talking. We would take turns driving that hour and a half drive to see each other every day until I finally moved closer to be with him.
On my 21st birthday (3 months later) we were riding in that same truck when he asked (more  like declared) me to marry him. After asking my parents permission, we set the date for August 12th but the Marine Corps decided 24 hour duty was more important so we set it for August 19, 2011.
Three years and two months later and I still get butterflies when I know my husband is on the way home from work. Anytime I look at him, it's like I see him for the first time. I still remember what it was like the first time he kissed me, told me he loved me, or sang to me in his truck.
Our relationship has been the biggest growing experience in my life. God used Eric to save me and mend the bruises that surrounded my heart. He showed me what love really was when I needed it the most. He is my biggest blessing and without him, I wouldn't be a mother to the most beautiful baby girl.
He's my best friend, my soulmate, my teammate, my tickle fighter, my hard worker, my honest critic, my spiritual mentor and the best daddy I could've ever asked him to be. After all we've been through, I know that we were meant to do life together. I couldn't be more proud of the man and father he's been becoming.
If you're looking for love, stop. God will bring a partner to you at the exact right time. It'll be worth the wait and, like me, you'll look back one day at the times you were at your loneliest and just be
even more thankful for the person by your side. Love is out there, just keep praying!
As always, I'm here to pray with or for you about anything! aljanson819@gmail.com.
Much love!

Goodbye little, green monster!

I was going to take today off but Eric went to play tennis and Makenna is sleeping. So since I'm already attached to my pump (I exclusively pump milk for my daughter!) I thought I'd share a major thought of mine for you this morning.

Jealousy. We ALL have moments of jealousy. I know I do! That little, green monster can overwhelm me sometimes. It's such an easy emotion to feel and one of the ugliest. You know what jealously is for me? Counting the blessings of others and ignoring my own. I do this more times I want to admit. 

For example:

Eric and I have been building ourselves up to be able to buy a house and are currently living in our 5th wheel until we are able to. We have made the place such a home and have transformed the extra room we have into a nursery for Makenna. It's actually quite beautiful inside our 5th wheel but it still doesn't stop me from being envious of those that have an actual house to live in. To see others have a yard all their own and so much space makes me cringe of how much I want that for my little family. 

But the past few months, after much prayer about the situation, God transformed my heart into being content with where we are. And has me knowing that He's not ready for us to have that blessing yet but to be hopeful in knowing it will happen. I still yearn for the day I can go crazy at Hobby Lobby to decorate my home but for the mean time, my jealousy has been put aside and I'm just blessed to say that we have a roof over our heads while many do not. 

I've noticed that jealously happens quite often within the female group. Yesterday at the festival, I noticed it a lot. One girl would scan another's outfit or give another a dirty look for talking to a guy she clearly wanted to talk to. 

REAL WOMEN EMPOWER EACH OTHER! 

We need to stop being so cruel, stop being so judgmental and stop being do jealous! 

I've made my fair share of mistakes. I've ruined friendships over my own selfish flaws. But The Lord has helped me mature. A lot. And yes, I still need to watch my feelings when it comes to wanting what other women have or even being judgmental but I'm coming to know more and more that all of us are beautiful. We all have our own purpose in life, set by a Father who loves us all equally. 

So what am I getting it at? (I'm a rambler!)

Be thankful for what you have! Know that we are in the exact moment, season or trial that we're in for a reason that we will find out one day! God equally wants only good things for His children. If someone else has something you desire for, be happy for them instead of resorting to jealously. Look at all you have now and think about how many people would love to have it. 

We are so blessed; all of us. Life can be so beautiful if we allow it. And sometimes it's easier to focus on how much further we have to go then how far we've come. 

Be kind to one another. 

Respect their blessings and count all of yours :) 

And remember, if you need anything, I'm here! aljanson819@gmail.com 

I would love to hear today what some of your biggest blessings are! 

Have a great Sunday and GO GIANTS! 

Much love!