A Prayer For Our Wayward Nation

Oh Lord hear this prayer,

Jesus, as a mother, as a wife, as an American citizen, I am honestly scared.

As this country seems to spiral out of country, Lord I cry out to you in desperation. Help us. 

I feel as though we are literally falling apart at the seems. Between this terrifying excuse of an election, to the complete chaos on the streets, I go to bed at night and lay awake thinking "What's next? What's life going to be like for my child?"

Lord, I first and foremost pray for my own heart. I need help realizing that in order to see change I first need to be that change I long to see. I pray from this day forward that you banish any feelings that come directly from the enemy, including but not limited to: hate, ignorance, hostility, jealousy, anger, impatience, and unkindness. 

I pray Jesus that you allow nothing but love, kindness, tolerance, patience and pure joy to settle into my soul, heart, spirit. I pray that you allow me to see others how YOU see them God. That I can stand up for what is right and true in Your eyes and settle for nothing less. Do any work through me as You wish. Place me in the right places at the right time, allow good, wholesome conversations to happen with Your people, God, that only point them straight back to You and Your goodness. Give me the words to say and the things I need to do for You and for this country. Any way that You need to work through me Jesus, I am ready and willing.

Rescue this nation God. I pray for the current leaders of this country and that they feel convicted of any and all wrong doings. That they can change their ways and turn straight to You. I pray for this upcoming election and beg of You to place the right leaders into office.  That you make them honest and righteous people that can start to pick up the pieces of this broken nation.

Jesus, I pray for the people of this country and that You soften their bruised, broken and hurting hearts. Lord please have the fighting against each other stop and have us come together as one nation. Please Jesus, have us all accept each others differences and allow us to see others as You see them for You love every single person that walks this earth. I pray that more heads and hearts can turn to You and Your gift of salvation. That more dead hearts can come alive because of You. That Your salvation can reach the ends the earth.

Lord, allow those that already love and believe in You to set Your example. That we show love and kindness regardless of how we are treated or any anger we may feel inside. Allow us to show this country Your glory and goodness. Allow us to let Your light shine so bright. 

It's all these things I pray in Your name Jesus, Amen.

This is a prayer I wrote out in my journal yesterday morning after turning on my local news station to see what's been happening in Charlotte, NC. I felt myself reaching for my journal to vent and complain when it then dawned on me:

We must pray for this nation and for each other as much as we want to complain about it. 

We all say how much we can't stand what's going on around us but yet sit back and expect it to become somebody else's responsibility to fix it. (Trust me, I'm preaching to myself here!)

NO MORE!

WAKE UP!

If the ONLY thing we are able to do is to show love, smile at somebody who walks past us, pay for somebody's gas or groceries, help a mom you see struggling at the store (the list seriously goes on and on) then we are contributing to the change more than we realize.

I love you all. Seriously, I do. This is a super great nation and I am so proud and honored to be considered an American. I want nothing more than to see this country thrive.

Be kind souls today and every day.

Much love <3

Dear Sweet, Infertile Friend

Dear Infertile Friend,
First let me say:
You are NOT alone!
My infertility journey was frustrating, scary, lonely, confusing but most importantly..humbling. 
My sweet, sweet husband did the absolute best he could with being supportive. We knew the problem was me, we just couldn't figure out why.
I wrote a post called The Story of Our Miracle Baby that I encourage you to read. Our story may not be the same but the pain still runs deep.
Let me say that there is nothing wrong with you. You were not made broken because our Creator loves you way too much to have made you that way.
I want you to know that, with Mothers Day coming up, that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and hurting with you. That day for me was a huge smack of a reminder of what I didn't have. I know how hard it's going to be and I know that no words are going to make it better. But know that my gift to you that day is my ear that is willing to listen as long as you need me to.
I want you to know that I am here. Here to listen, to get angry with you and to cry with you.
I understand that you look at others with envy and I do not judge when you get irritable being around families with children.
I was the same way.
Infertility takes away so much: a normal sex life, your money, your patience, and your sanity.
I kept track of temps, marked days on the calendar and googled every pinge or twinge of a symptom I felt. I spent more than my fair share of time and energy peeing on sticks and getting the same, negative result.
I understand that what worked for me will not work for you, being as we are all crafted differently.
What I NEED you to understand is that the Creator of the universe will not leave you out in the cold. He will meet you where you are. He will comfort you, guide you and bless you the more you trust Him with this situation.
I can promise you that Jesus will take your tears and pain and turn this into progress. The two years of infertility issues we went through were so that I could finally hand over the control I had on my life and give it all to Him. He wants us to take painful and just plain awful situations and use them to draw closer to Him. His purpose for my pain is to reach out to others, like you, with open arms and tell you that I understand.
I GET IT! 
I found GRACE through our infertility. I found compassion and I found mercy through Jesus.
I promise you that He has been working behind the scenes to conduct a marvelous plan for all of this. It may not be what we have in mind but I promise that it will be better than we could have ever planned for ourselves!
Hang in there.
Reach out to others going through the same thing.
Reach out to others that have been where you are and can help.
If I could go back and tell myself anything it would be to say: that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to feel bitter. It's ok to have a glass of wine and forget a night of taking a prenatal vitamin. Find support and reach out to others. Don't beat myself up and don't ever, ever feel like something is wrong with me.

I adore you sweet friend. I am here for you.
MUCH, MUCH LOVE <3

If you or somebody know is struggling with infertility, here are a couple of link I want to share as valuable resources:
National Infertility Awareness Week 
Daily Strength
Fertility Lifelines
and of course: gfmamaj@gmail.com

A letter to the high school Amanda

Dear Amanda,

You are amazing. 

Beautiful. Talented. Unique. Special. 

It's your senior year of high school; you're getting ready to venture out into the big world and you're feeling anything but those qualities I used to describe you. Hear me when I say your smile can light up a room and that singing voice you've been working so hard on to perfect really IS that good. 

You'll grow into your awkward chest, you finally discover what makeup is and no, your rump never gets bigger. Sorry. Oh and by the way, you are BY NO MEANS fat. There's going to come a time when you look back on pictures from this moment and pray to God that you could have that body back. Appreciate that body. Be kind to it. 

Ignore those that hold no real significant meaning in your life. I know it's hard to turn away from the whispers behind your back or the dirty looks in the chorus room but I promise that 2,3 even 4 years down the road those fellow classmates will be even further then a distant memory. Block it out the best you can because you won't see about 99.9% of them again after graduation. 

It's OK that your grades suck. Academics has never and will never be your "thing." Just keep singing. Pour your heart and soul into it! Try your best to be able to graduate and don't worry about the rest. Enjoy the memories of singing in all the different choirs you're in now, ALL State or performing in your last drama performance. It'll be the last time you're on stage for quite a while. 

Be prepared for the biggest heartbreak of your life. You will think he is your first love but I promise, he's not even close to what your first love really feels life. This boy will lead you to new and, what feels like, exciting places. You feel on top of the world. It doesn't last. The relationship is toxic and brings you to a place in your life that you never thought you'd be. When it ends, your heart is going to feel like the biggest rock came and crushed it. Pick yourself up. You're soon going to be in a new place soon and experience new things. which all leads you to meeting the man of your dreams!

This man will be your first love. This man is not looking for love when you meet and vice versa. But he sweeps you off your feet in an instant. You both fall madly in love with each other very quickly. He loves and adores you for who you are and doesn't take advantage or try and change you. He accepts all your baggage and does his best to mend your heart every day. He will change your world. He wants to marry, love and protect you for the rest of your life. So don't be jealous of the marriages your surrounded by. Don't go searching for him. Don't worry when it doesn't work out with anyone else. Your prince charming is on his way.  He is worth the wait.

You're going to lose friends and even family but don't sweat it. It's hard and to this day you will mourn the loss of some of those people from your life. But those that are meant to be in your life will stay around and the friends that you make down the road are simply amazing! They want nothing but to build you up, make you laugh and just love and support you! Keep the negative energy away from you even if that means ending friendships you thought would last forever. You marry into a wonderful family with a sister-in-law who becomes a best friend. These are the people worth sticking around.

You're going to question God. A lot. Keep chasing Him. Follow that feeling in your gut and, yes, change your college major to ministry. Keep building your relationship with Jesus. Trust in Him because the road is long and hard to get to where we are now. Things are about to happen in your life that will shatter your soul. Keep seeking Him. He has plans to save you. He has plans to bring a church into your life that will help move mountains in your heart. He has plans to prosper you and create miracles in your life that you never thought possible. 

Like a baby. Yes despite what you might have said in the past, you ARE going to be a mommy. It's going to be the sweetest time in your life. You are going to wake up every day, look at that baby and feel more then blessed. I promise! It will have taken a lot of time, patience and prayer to have her enter the world but she is more then worth it. She is one of the greatest things to have ever happened to you. She will help you grow up and love your husband even more. Enjoy every second, take a deep breath and know you're an awesome mom!

Lastly, give your mom and dad a break. Yes they get upset when you do something wrong, yes they have to discipline you but it's for the greater good. Cling tight to them because they love you more then anything in this world. A love that you will understand the second you have your own baby. Your relationship with them goes downhill and stays there for a while. It does get better. The hurt heals and the relationship begins to flourish again. Remain honest when you get there and you will all be ok. They will be your best friends and people you see every day. You will get told how much you look, sound, act like your mom and don't even try to act like that bothers you. Because you love it! :)

Take time to be happy, give yourself a pat on the back and know that the best is yet to come. Your life goes through so many ups and downs but it's worth it all to get to where you will be in 6-7 years. Be kind to others and don't lose your free spirit. Don't conform to what the world wants you to be. Be strong and hang in there for the ride. 

It's a beautiful one.

First day of senior year :)

We all have a story to tell

The story of how I came to know Christ is not one I share quite often. It brings up unwanted memories of a past that, to this day, I struggle to accept. But the more I progress in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel Him calling me. Calling me to be bold and share the news of how He saved me. I kept dismissing those calls and when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't go that far. I would keep the posts light and positive; only lightly talking about what Jesus does in my life.
Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39 

It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.

So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!

I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed. 

My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.

Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me. 

This was only the very beginning.

Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence. 

November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!

Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies. 

But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.

I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY.  I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again. 

It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.

But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.

In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out. 

Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.  

In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about. 

That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together. 

I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same. 

If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone. 

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok. 

If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com

You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.

MUCH love!

It all started with a toaster

"I have found the one whom my soul loves."
-Song of Solomon 3:4
Yes, this ones about you babe!
Growing up and becoming an adult is scary but when you have your best friend by your side, it's not  necessarily easier but sweeter.
I prayed for Eric to come into my life long before I met him. My heart was bruised from the only other serious relationship I had before him and I was anxious to move past that and meet the man I could call my husband.
As we all know (and I'm clearly a firm believer), everything happens in Gods time and not our own. How everything happened between Eric and I was and still is fate. Gods gentle hands have been all over our relationship from the beginning!
Rewind to  February 20, 2011. Another Valentines Day had past and I was more bitter about love then the year before. I had spent some time with friends that weekend at Cherry Point Air Station with no intentions of wanting to meet anyone, especially a Marine.
I was actually getting ready to leave and go back home when I saw a white Ford Ranger roll up to the barracks and a very tall man in uniform get out and slam his truck door. My friend turns to me and tells me that was the guy she wanted to introduce to me. I told her forget it, he seems goofy. Next thing you know, Eric is throwing a toaster over the balcony of his barracks all because his roommate made him fail room inspection. Not only did he spark my interest then for some reason but I also wanted the toaster, ha!
A few moments later, we met! One sushi date and a week later, he finally asked for my number. I guess you can say we started dating immediately. The next weekend he took me down to SC where I met his family and the rest is history! We spent every single moment we had together. We would sit in the walmart parking lot for hours just talking. We would take turns driving that hour and a half drive to see each other every day until I finally moved closer to be with him.
On my 21st birthday (3 months later) we were riding in that same truck when he asked (more  like declared) me to marry him. After asking my parents permission, we set the date for August 12th but the Marine Corps decided 24 hour duty was more important so we set it for August 19, 2011.
Three years and two months later and I still get butterflies when I know my husband is on the way home from work. Anytime I look at him, it's like I see him for the first time. I still remember what it was like the first time he kissed me, told me he loved me, or sang to me in his truck.
Our relationship has been the biggest growing experience in my life. God used Eric to save me and mend the bruises that surrounded my heart. He showed me what love really was when I needed it the most. He is my biggest blessing and without him, I wouldn't be a mother to the most beautiful baby girl.
He's my best friend, my soulmate, my teammate, my tickle fighter, my hard worker, my honest critic, my spiritual mentor and the best daddy I could've ever asked him to be. After all we've been through, I know that we were meant to do life together. I couldn't be more proud of the man and father he's been becoming.
If you're looking for love, stop. God will bring a partner to you at the exact right time. It'll be worth the wait and, like me, you'll look back one day at the times you were at your loneliest and just be
even more thankful for the person by your side. Love is out there, just keep praying!
As always, I'm here to pray with or for you about anything! aljanson819@gmail.com.
Much love!