Seasons Change. Jesus Doesn't.

I LOVE FALL!

In fact, I love fall so much, I could shout it to the world!

I LOVE FALL!

There's something so magical about that crisp feeling in the air. It's a feeling I can't quite find the words to describe but there are moments when the sun is shining, the leaves are changing colors, the air is crisp and it just tugs at my heart strings.
To me, fall is another piece of evidence of how much our Creator truly loves us! :)

Entering into this years season of Fall, God has placed a few things on my heart that I'd love to share.

The simple minded part of me, loves fall for these reasons:
* Changing leaves 
* Pumpkin EVERYTHING
* Thanksgiving!
* Change of weather. Which brings me to..
* Cute, cozy sweaters to wear
* Bonfires and SMORES (gluten free of course!) 
* The promise that Christmas is coming!

But this year I thought to try and tap into the spiritual reasons there are to love Fall and came up with this:
Fall is a beautiful reminder that all things change; nothing ever stays the same. Seasons or trials will come and go. Things will grow and things will die. I am in a season of my life now where I feel things are forever changing. A lesson that God was teaching me last week is nothing even remotely relatable to what He's teaching me this week! Our church is forever growing and changing, along with, our Worship Team. (PRAISE JESUS!) My family just went through a rather tough little season. Our country is about to go though some major change as well. Change is everywhere!

Like I just said, nothing stays the same. Things are constantly revolving. Life is so unpredictable; so unstable Except ONE thing.

JESUS.

A couple of verses that I discovered that fit this topic are some I'd love to share with you.

"The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breath of the Lord blows on it; 
surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever."
-Isaiah 40: 7-8

"Jesus is the same yesterday and today and today and forever."
-Hebrews 13:8

"For I the Lord do not change."
-Malachi 3:6

So while the trees are changing colors and the leaves are dying and falling off the trees..while the temperature outside changes from hot into cooler weather, our God DOESN'T CHANGE.

His love, His mercy, His grace, His power, His patience, His strength, and His holiness remains the absolute same.
What promise and hope we can get from this truth in an ever-changing and evolving world!
What promise and hope we can get from turning to His Word and knowing that it will never be different. That everything He said and meant 1,000's of years ago, He still means them today!

His victory on the cross? Remains the same.

His promises for us? Remains the same.

His plans for us? Remains the same. We were born with God already knowing every move we would make and every thought we would have. And in this moment, even as you're reading this, He is WORKING things for our good. (Romans 8:28) WHAT A GOOD FATHER! 

So I promise that even though much can change in our lives and outside our windows, God will never ever change. His Being and His nature will remain true and the same for forever.

So with all that said, Happy Fall! Hope you are all able to drink some apple cider and enjoy a snuggly fire :)
Much love sweet friends! 

Nothing Is Wasted

I will honestly admit that this is one story I do NOT want to share. It's a story that for the past 6 weeks, I've been wanting to forget. A story that I never thought would be mine to share.
But I know and truly realize I was given this story for many reasons. I've been learning how much God really does use our pain for purpose. I was given this story, not to remain silent, but to share with many and boast about His goodness and His unwavering amount of grace and strength. It's a story about hope and how, even through the worst of situations, He can still can take a tragedy and turn it into triumph
So please, treat this story as fragile as feels, for it's still a healing wound.

This October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
I have known and heard personal stories of women experiencing miscarriages. I've read, in prayer threads online, the desperate cries of women who were asking for prayer and hanging on to the last bit of hope they had. My heart always ached for them but as they say "You never know what someone else is going through until you've experienced it for yourself." I never knew how much this statement would resonate with me. Until it all started to happen to me.

I'll start by saying how much Eric and I ADORE parenthood. I mean adore it. Makenna saved us in so many ways and she is truly our miracle child. We prayed and hoped for her for years. Being her parent has been the most incredible thing and one of the greatest gifts God could have ever given us. It felt only natural that after 6 months of having Makenna with us that we wanted to start trying for another.
As I expected there to be, there were complications. But it felt a lot easier to deal with the second time around because I truly was in a place where I relied more on Jesus and stuck with that it would happen in His PEFECT timing.
We kept trying for almost a year and half with, for the most part, complete peace and relaxation about it.
The middle of this past July brought some great news. After grabbing a pizza lunch with a couple, Eric and I ran to Target and I felt the need to buy a pregnancy test. I had "unloaded my pizza" in the bathroom when first getting into the store and it wasn't the first time that week I had "tossed my cookies" that week.
I took it immediately when we got home and received the brightest positive I had ever seen! I felt dizzy, excited, nervous all at once and looked my first baby. I told her she was going to be a big sister and held her while I cried with joy.
Makenna and I walked out of the bathroom and met Eric in the kitchen where I told him I had a surprise. I held out the test and he, equally, joined in my excitement.
The following Monday would be our first baby appointment and we couldn't wait.
Our appointment finally arrived and we could hardly stand the wait to our see our new baby!
The ultrasound seemed to be going fine until I noticed that the technician wasn't saying anything. She wasn't pointing out where the baby was and didn't let us hear a heartbeat. My heart sank. I knew right then and there that something was wrong. I remember thinking in my head "Please God, I'll do anything. Please."
The ultrasound technician stated how she wasn't able to say anything about the ultrasound and that our doctor would meet with us and explain it all. We didn't get good news from her either. It looked like what I had was a blighted ovum. It's where the baby is lost super early in pregnancy but yet the body still thinks and acts like it's pregnant. Seemed like complete unfairness and pure cruelty to me.
We were given the option to terminate the pregnancy but for moral reasons, we decided to wait. Either for God to perform a miracle or at least for my body to do what it needed to, naturally. The wait would be another 2 weeks to have another ultrasound.
Fast forward to most agonizing and stressful weeks of my life to ultrasound #2 where we discovered that there were 2 yolk sacs meaning 2 babies. My doctor was struck with such confusion and said she no longer felt comfortable with termination and I needed to come back another week later for ultrasound #3, stating that since we were possibly dealing with twins, that changed the entire situation. However, we received the news that my hormone levels were dropping with the doctor explaining it didn't look good.
That next Monday, before my next ultrasound, my miscarriage started.
There's not too much to explain after that. It was over. It was a loss. Two babies that we wouldn't hold in our arms. I was devastated and in a way I still am.
However this verse has never been more true:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
It's become my mantra. My life verse. The weeks that we experienced the waiting to see what would happen, the desperate pleas and cries to God, the trying to understand the meaning and the purpose behind all this...this verse popped up everywhere.

It reminds me that through the pain, through the hardships, the trials, through our mess and even our darkest hour..God works all things for our good and His glory, as long as we love Him. It may not seem good, but we can rest assure that it is. God is using our pain for purpose and as my Pastor says often "Nothing is wasted." Nothing in God goes in vain. 

It's been a HUGE test of faith and character for both Eric and I. And I never thought I would be that 1 in 4 to have to go through this but I am and it happened. The choice is mine to sit around and mope or to use my circumstances to reach out to others who may be going through something similar.

I thank Him for using and working through me. I praise Him for being a good Father. I worship Him for giving me the strength that brought me through such agonizing weeks of waiting then healing. And I put my complete hope in Him as we move on and try for our next miracle baby. 

There IS hope at the end of, what seems like, a dark and lonely tunnel. If this is something you've experience and you need an outlet, someone to talk to..I am here! GOD is here! I pray for overwhelming amounts of peace and understanding to fall upon you.

A serious thank you for all who read this. It's not a fun, happy topic but miscarriages happen and they are not as uncommon as we may think. Let's not just draw awareness to it but allow others to share their stories.

Much love, as always, friends! 

A Prayer For Our Wayward Nation

Oh Lord hear this prayer,

Jesus, as a mother, as a wife, as an American citizen, I am honestly scared.

As this country seems to spiral out of country, Lord I cry out to you in desperation. Help us. 

I feel as though we are literally falling apart at the seems. Between this terrifying excuse of an election, to the complete chaos on the streets, I go to bed at night and lay awake thinking "What's next? What's life going to be like for my child?"

Lord, I first and foremost pray for my own heart. I need help realizing that in order to see change I first need to be that change I long to see. I pray from this day forward that you banish any feelings that come directly from the enemy, including but not limited to: hate, ignorance, hostility, jealousy, anger, impatience, and unkindness. 

I pray Jesus that you allow nothing but love, kindness, tolerance, patience and pure joy to settle into my soul, heart, spirit. I pray that you allow me to see others how YOU see them God. That I can stand up for what is right and true in Your eyes and settle for nothing less. Do any work through me as You wish. Place me in the right places at the right time, allow good, wholesome conversations to happen with Your people, God, that only point them straight back to You and Your goodness. Give me the words to say and the things I need to do for You and for this country. Any way that You need to work through me Jesus, I am ready and willing.

Rescue this nation God. I pray for the current leaders of this country and that they feel convicted of any and all wrong doings. That they can change their ways and turn straight to You. I pray for this upcoming election and beg of You to place the right leaders into office.  That you make them honest and righteous people that can start to pick up the pieces of this broken nation.

Jesus, I pray for the people of this country and that You soften their bruised, broken and hurting hearts. Lord please have the fighting against each other stop and have us come together as one nation. Please Jesus, have us all accept each others differences and allow us to see others as You see them for You love every single person that walks this earth. I pray that more heads and hearts can turn to You and Your gift of salvation. That more dead hearts can come alive because of You. That Your salvation can reach the ends the earth.

Lord, allow those that already love and believe in You to set Your example. That we show love and kindness regardless of how we are treated or any anger we may feel inside. Allow us to show this country Your glory and goodness. Allow us to let Your light shine so bright. 

It's all these things I pray in Your name Jesus, Amen.

This is a prayer I wrote out in my journal yesterday morning after turning on my local news station to see what's been happening in Charlotte, NC. I felt myself reaching for my journal to vent and complain when it then dawned on me:

We must pray for this nation and for each other as much as we want to complain about it. 

We all say how much we can't stand what's going on around us but yet sit back and expect it to become somebody else's responsibility to fix it. (Trust me, I'm preaching to myself here!)

NO MORE!

WAKE UP!

If the ONLY thing we are able to do is to show love, smile at somebody who walks past us, pay for somebody's gas or groceries, help a mom you see struggling at the store (the list seriously goes on and on) then we are contributing to the change more than we realize.

I love you all. Seriously, I do. This is a super great nation and I am so proud and honored to be considered an American. I want nothing more than to see this country thrive.

Be kind souls today and every day.

Much love <3

A Little Transparency

Hey friends!

It has been such a while since I've posted!

Life has been busy and filled with so much! We have settled into our new home more nicely than I could have ever planned. Our house has never felt more like, well, home! The two years it took to finally get in here has been more than worth it. I love making memories in this home. Good is SO good!

Also, our sweet baby, Makenna, turned one on August 14th and life with a toddler has been, well, exhausting but absolutely amazing :) She is learning and growing so much every day and I love being able to be her mommy. 

So, jumping right into it, I am going to be totally honest. 

I had an entirely different post planned, typed and ready to publish. Normally after I am done writing the draft for a post and have proofed it, I automatically publish it without any second thought of the topic. But this time was so different. My iPad kept messing up and it literally would not post. 

You bet your bottom dollar I took that as a sign from God to rethink what I wanted to post about and have be seen by the public eye.

My deleted post was all about disappointment and all the things that have been getting me down lately. After my iPad kept glitching, all it would let me do is go back to the draft so I reread the post and it really hit: "oh my gosh, how WHINY do I sound?! I can't post this! Is this really the Jesus I want people to see in me?!!"

It kept me up till after midnight, last night, thinking about how much I look over everything I've ever been blessed with. I've focused on the negative for so long that it's starting to become normal. When did I start developing this glass half empty attitude?? This is NOT me!

I jumped out of bed, lit a candle in the living room and wrote out, in my journal, all of the disappointments I was going to post about. Under each of them, I wrote the positives. 

I wrote how God can, is or will take these disappointments and turn them into something beautiful.

A few examples:

Disappointed by friends?

 Lately, I've been focusing on the friendships that have faded away, the feeling of being left out or forgotten. I needed to write this out in front of me and really pray over the many friends and family that Jesus has blessed me with. That He can always continue to work in my heart to be a good friend or daughter, wife or sister. I have many people in my life and in my little family's life that are so beautiful inside and out. I am more than thankful for these people. 

Disappointed by what's on the news?

Use that as fuel! Fuel to get out and be proactive. What I see on the news should give me, a follower of Jesus, more incentive to get out and spread the Good News. To lead others from death to life. Instead of filling my mind and heart up with fear because of what is happening in this world, I need to take a moment, look up and thank Jesus for the life He has given me. How blessed I am to live so free and GOOD! To have a hot shower and dinner every.single.day. Ok, so the dog may pee on the floor or the guy in traffic who cut me off, gave me the finger. Things could be SO MUCH WORSE.

Lastly..

These past few months (ok, maybe more than a few) I have been thinking of my old life back in NY. This was a place I was born and raised in for almost 20 years. I up and left, never looking back and have only returned 3 times since 2009. This was one of the last disappointments I wrote about last night.

I miss it. I really do! 

I watch shows or movies based out of NYC and my heart literally hurts. I think of how life would've been if we had moved us to NY. What would my marriage, with Eric, be like? Would Makenna even be here with us? It even hurts my heart now to write about it.

But I thought about our life here in South Carolina. I think about how much Eric and I have grown up here. 

I think about NewSpring.

How ABSOLUTELY grateful am I for this church?! 

What would life have been life if we moved to NY, never have attending NewSpring??

Jesus has used this church over and over and over and over (you get the point) to bring us closer to Him. Goodness, it's where Eric and I were both saved, almost TWO years ago, side by side!

I think of KidSpring and how my daughter goes to a safe environment each week and learns about Jesus on her level. Where volunteers take time to nurture and pray over her every week. 

Would we have found that in NY?

My roots are there; memories that will never be forgotten and people who may have only been in my life for a season, but have made a difference. 

But we are meant to be here, in South Carolina. This is where Jesus needs us to be. This is where He, currently, has us living out His plan. Meditating on that alone overwhelms my heart with joy. 

I absolutely love where God has my little family right now. I love where He has me.

I love looking back at harder times and what I learned from that situation. I love looking at a list of "disappointments" and how He can point out the good that can be found in everything.  

Doesn't mean more disappointments won't arrive at my door. The point isn't that, being a follower of Jesus means hard times won't come..it means when they do come, I can handle them with His strength, grace and love!

The best is yet to come my friends..the best is yet to come :) 

MUCH love! 

All I need is You

How can I truely be happy?

Will a new car make me happy?
Well, yes.

Will buying a home make me happy?
Of course!

Will having more money make me happy?
Yes it would!

Honesty time..
I have been so caught up in my "wants" lately. Wanting a home, more money, a newer car, nicer clothes, a smaller waistline, etc.
My want and to do list are growing bigger as my time and relationship with Jesus is growing smaller.

Last night at my small group we talked about what our top 3 priorities were. I listed mine as:
1) Family
2) New house
3) Jesus

WHOA! After I read my priorities out loud, in my head I questioned myself why I put our new home (and even family) before Jesus. Sure, I said Him first to my small group ladies but on my piece of paper I wrote Him third.
I've been wanting this home for so long that I've forgotten where my true happiness lies...and it's not in material things. Even a beautiful home.
I've been so focused on my marriage, Makenna and family (which there is nothing wrong with at all) but have completely forgotten to spend and set aside time for the One who is my rock. My foundation!
I'm so worried about checking social media, my email and worrying about my to do's when I first wake up that I haven't started to my day with Jesus and in prayer in a long time.
No wonder I'm so on edge all the time!!
I've had all these "things" distracting me that have completely made me lose focus on spending time with God-my true happiness! It's so easy to fall into this trap but can be harder to get out.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
-Romans 15:13

I want to Jesus to be the ONLY thing that can complete me and the only thing that can truely fill me with peace and joy! Everything else should just be an added blessing and gift from Him, which they are!
It's a decision and choice that I need to make every single day that Jesus is going to be at the very, very top of my priority list! He's worth that much (and more)!!!
Spending more time in His word and working to form even more of a deep relationship Him is a great place to start :)
I am so thankful to have a God that never stops chasing me. He is the only one who will ever be able to give me an endless supply of love and grace.

Some food for thought! Happy Wednesday :)

4 things in 4 years

Marriage has taught me a lot.
Whether I've liked it or not, marriage has changed me.
I mean, duh!
That's usually what's expected when two people makes vows for forever.
And in the case of my marriage, two more opposite people couldn't have been paired together.
Eric and I have been married for almost 4 years. (It'll be 4 years next month!!!)
Life with him as my partner has been frustrating. annoying, humbling and nothing short of absolutely, positively amazing!
So in an early honor of almost 4 years with the love of my life, here are the 4 major things (in no specific order and trust me there's more than 4) that marriage has taught me.

1) Jesus really DOES need to be in the center
SERIOUSLY! Ok so some kind of order..but this is the most important! Eric and I have seen what marriage is like without Him as the center (and w/out Him in general) more than we have seen our marriage with Him as the center and let me tell you..Jesus being at the center of our marriage makes it better than I could have imagined. The Lord uses Eric as a vessel to reach me every.single.day. I love watching us grow closer in this way!

2) Intimacy is key
Kids, cover your ears and look away. Haha, not but really this is SO true. And I have no shame in talking about something so natural! This is another part of our marriage where we've seen opposite sides of the spectrum. Meaning: there have been dry spells and there have been not. God created sex for man and wife to really enjoy and spend a intimate, special time with one another. Lack of this can and has affected us. This aspect of our relationship has been pushed way up to the top of the priority list.

3) Communication is more than important
It's what can make or break a marriage! Without communication, what is there? Eric and I learned even before we married of how much talking to one another is SO important! It was a few weeks before we were married; Eric and I were in a huge argument and it just happened to be while my parents were visiting. They caught on fast and literally made us sit down, face each other, and talk. We haven't been able to hush up since then, haha!

4) Surrounding yourself with positive people (and couples) DOES matter
Eric and I don't come from great friendships when we first got together and when we were first married. It wasn't until we became parents-to-be that we really started to let go of the negative energy that seemed latched onto us and our marriage. Being around marriages and relationships that encourage us (and that we see encourage each other) is super important and something we had to learn the hard way. For me personally, it's hard to be around other women that talk nothing but negatively about their husbands. It had a big affect on me for a while!



I can think of SO many things that marriage has taught me in almost 4 years. I've learned how Eric needs to be loved and vice versa. When I say Eric is my best friend, I mean Eric is my BEST friend. He's the one person I can tell every single thing there is about me or something that's going on. My love for him grows every day and I can't wait to see what the next 4, or 40 years brings us!
Marriage is amazing and I am so thankful for how it's developing me as a person.



Anything to add? Let's chat: gfmamaj@gmail.com :)
Much looooove!

                                         

Cheers To 25!

Hey all! Hope you had a great start to your week!
I'll be honest ours started off rough but I trust The Lord to make a quick turnaround and this morning has already been better :)
So! My 25th birthday is Wednesday!
As a child my parents always made sure I had a great birthday! Sometimes my birthday celebration would last all week! I would have a birthday party in class (this was more in elementary school), then a birthday party at home with friends and then celebrate with my family. I am super grateful how my parents raised me to make me feel so special and still go to great lengths to make sure I feel so loved on my birthday. I plan to shower Makenna with the same love and enthusiasm on her birthdays!
Every year, as May approached, I would always look forward to celebrating my birthday.
Except this year.
Except for 25.
A quarter of a century.
Half way to 30. 
My mid-20's.
I know some of you reading this are probably thinking "Oh my, stop whining! 25 is not old."
Yes, I know this :) God willing, I still have a looooooong way to go with so many more life experiences to go come.
But 25 scares me. When I'm alone and really have time to think, or a hear an old familiar song or even the way the wind blows sometimes brings back memories.
Time is flying by and it really feels like just yesterday I was going into middle school. Then before I knew it I became a senior in high school. It even feels like just yesterday I was meeting Eric and we were falling in love. Now we are the parents to a 9 month old and have a 4 year anniversary coming up.
WHOA!!
I wasn't much into celebrating this year and even still just want Wednesday to come and go.
But as I was praying myself to sleep last night, I prayed that Jesus would change my perspective on a few things and this included my birthday. That He'd help me look at the positives and rid of the bitter, nostalgic feeling in my gut. And since He knows I'm very much a list person...
first thing this morning, I made a list, in my journal, of 5 of the many great things I want to accomplish and focus on as a 25 year old and I'd love to share with all of you:

1) Grow spiritually
This is so important. I have a heart that aches and craves for ministry; to give and receive it. I am so grateful that Jesus has made my calling for ministry so crystal clear and this year I pray that He uses me as a vessel in every way possible. I pray that He destroys my heart for others and grows me into the leader I know I'm called to be. I want to grow more in scripture and really lead others to the cross. I know that Jesus has so much more in store for my life then I give Him credit for. He knows where I am going and when I'm going there. I can only imagine how this next year will be with Him always leading the way. I just need to trust Him and trust His plan!

2) Go hiking
This may be random but, to me, it's not. I have been getting so into nature and I LOVE the idea of hiking! South Carolina is so absolutely beautiful and I want to take full advantage of everything He's created. Now I don't mean a little trail that circles around some lake, I mean going to a mountain and hiking a trail or going to a local reserve. The trails could be for beginners and I won't mind. I still want to accomplish that! Any tips would be much appreciated :)

3) Get fit
I want to get fit for two simple reasons: to be healthy and for Makenna. To be an example for her of what taking care of your body means and how much it means to our Creator! I would love to be strong and feel good, not just look good! This has been a try and fail for the past 9 months but I am tired of the excuses. Only I can help myself in this department and really want to use this summer to help myself out! I need to get all the junk out of the house and focus on eating right. Hiking, walking/running or riding a bike are exercises I actually like to do and I feel that's a great start! I want 25 to be my best year yet and this totally includes my physical health!

4) Buy a house
And we are SO close! House hunting has been frustrating and a little discouraging but I cant even imagine what great home The Lord has in store for us. Years down the road we will be happy we didn't rush into this and really took the time to find what we wanted and to listen to where we are being called to go. There's something about making this big decision/purchase with my husband that has such meaning to me. I cannot wait to watch our children grow and create memories in a home we can call our own.

5) Become more of a Proverbs 31 Wife
My husband is my best friend, hands down. The way he leads me and our little family is so precious. He's constantly growing more into the man of God I know he wants to be and can be. I am so head over heels in love with Eric and I know that the best is only yet to come in our marriage. To have him as my partner has been the sweetest.
It's never been made more clear, lately, that our marriage is the true foundation of this family. I hope to make more time for us (day dates, date nights, family outings!) so that we can continue to grow in our marriage! I long to be lead more by him and to also be his backbone. My prayer to Jesus is that He can grow me into being the kind of wife described in Proverbs 31. (Go read it!)


You guys, no birthday has to be scary, whether we are celebrating 25, 40 or even 85! Every year we get older is a year to thank Jesus for being alive. A birthday is a chance to celebrate all that is to come and all that has happened.
So cheers to 25! Here's to a year of new experiences and celebrations.

Thoughts, comments, conversation?
gfmamaj@gmail.com


Much love! 

What I would tell my new, mama self!

Being a new mama is tough! 
Getting adjusted to a new sleep schedule, recoving from giving birth, catering to every single need of this tiny human, getting your chest used breastfeeding/pumping, and so many more adjusments!
Before giving birth to Makenna, I had so many misconcieved notions of what motherhood was really going to be life. After hours on google and spending so much time talking to other mama, I thought I was SO prepared. I thought mother hood was going to be something I can easily transition into...
WRONG! 
While I have suprised myself these past, almost, 9 months as to how much I adore and love motherhood..those first fews day, actually WEEKS, were nothing less than just rough.
SO!
In honor of Sunday being Mothers Day, this post is all about the top 5 things I wish my new, mama self had known!
Here we go:

1) Do not get caught up in all the "stuff." 
Motherhood is seriously such a huge marketing scam.  You have all these different companies advertising their stuff for babies that makes you feel you just HAVE to have it! Electric thermoter? CHECK! A $900 swing? CHECK! 500 stuffed bears and other cute little animals? CHECK! That pretty, fancy, frilly daiper holder thingy that holds all the diapers? CHECK!
NO!! I've learned that having a newborn does not require a lot of "stuff" and that less is actually more. Looking back on it now, I'm almost thankful we brought Makenna home to a 5th wheel so that we had the excuse of limited space! Makenna did (and still does) indeed have more than she needs but not in a ridiculous amount.

2) You're not going to bounce back right away after giving birth.
I always thought that having a C-section is what would have been the biggest healing process after giving birth. I never thought a VB (vaginal birth) would have left me in the condition it did! After Makenna was born, she went into the NICU. I rememeber having to go down there every 2 hours to nurse her and my body was so worn and tired that I was unable to even stand up to change a diaper. I couldn't sit, could barely lay down or turn over in my bed and the nurses put such fear into my head of when I would finally go number 2! I give so much credit to my body for doing what it did to deliver our sweet baby and wish I gave it that credit then. I remember being so frustrated and impatient that my body wouln't let me do anything! One thing that I can advise to new moms is that we all need different amount of times to heal. Don't look at other mamas and think "oh she healed so much faster." Give yourself and body a break AND a good pat on the back :)

3) Breastfeeding doesn't make you Mom of the Year.
When I was pregnant I wanted nothing more than to breastfeed my daughter. My heart was more than set on it and I gave myself no other choice. Well, when Makenna was in NICU, she had a giant cast on her arm that held in the IV and it made it very difficult to nurse her with that in the way. The nurses were always running tests and checking on her that it messed with our feeding schedule. Makenna had no interest to latch on because she was already too upset. I started to pump milk right away and have been pumping, every day, ever since then! There were a few times in the hosptial that we had to feed her formula. It crushed me and I was way too upset. I wish I knew how important it was that my baby was just FED. While pumping as much as I do does make me feel a little bit like a champ, it DOES NOT make me better than any other mama out there! I wish I would have relaxed when it came to breastmilk and pumping. Makenna has been getting nothing but my milk since we came home from the hositpal and for that I'm happy but it wouldn't have been the end of the world if dthat wasn't the outcome.

4) It's OK to have time to yourself.
I am SO thankful to have my parents right up the road. They are so good with Makenna and really pay attention and respect how Eric and I like things done with our daughter. I definetly utilize their closeness to have time to myself. Whether it be to just head to the grocery store or serve at church for a few hours during the week, it is super important to recharge and have moments to myself. Mentally and spiritually. When Makenna was really little and I needed some time to myself or even for a date night with my husband, I felt super guilty leaving Makenna. I would totally tell my new, mom self that it's ok to take some time to yourself and especially to date your husband. We, as mamas, are still humans (shocker!!) and need to take some time to show some love to myself.

5) Mom shaming is NOT COOL!!!!
This one. Ok, now look, we are all guilty of being judgy toward other mamas, myself included. But I am SO sick and tired of seeing the mama bullying that goes on about anything and everything: how we handle discipline, sleep habits, breastfeeding or formula, organic or non organic, homemade pureed baby food or store bought, how fast your baby is developing, working moms VS SAHM and OH MY the list goes on and on. It needs to STOP! We are all a community. No seriously we are!! A community of women who want nothing more than to see our children happy, healthy and successful. We need to stop showing condemnation and start showing compassion. When Makenna was first born, I spent a lot of time comparing. Why?! For what?! I am me and Makenna is her and we are both different than every single person on this planet. While one parenting mathod may work for our family, doesn't mean that it will work for any other family.
We all love our kids and while we don't all need to be eachothers best friends, we NEED, we MUST, respect the fact that we are all different and are going to parent different ways. We must show eachother love and kindness.
I still compare sometimes. But only sometimes because I've learned that there is no point in seeing what's on the other side of the fence. I need to spend my time and energy focusing on my side.
The bullying needs to stop and the mom shaming needs to stop.

Well there ya go! Have something to add or share? Let me know!
I hope all the mama's out there reading this have a GREAT Mother's Day. I hope you are made to feel important and loved because you are. God chose you to be a mama for a reason.
For those that are hurting at the thought of this day coming up, I'm here. Always!
gfmamaj@gmail.com
Much, much love!!

#beyougoals

A few weeks ago, my sweet friend Morgan, (check her out over at Yellow Door Diaries) sent our small group an email with a link to a video made by Sadie Robertson. If haven't seen the video yet, you can watch it here.
In the video, Sadie talks about the latest hashtag trend that is all over social media.
For those who do not know what hashtag is or means (you'd be surprised!), dictionary.com defines it as:

noun

1.

(on social-networking websites) a word or phrasepreceded by a hash mark (#), used within amessage to identify a keyword or topic of interestand facilitate a search for it:

The latest trend has been all about commenting on the picture or status of somebody that posts about their life and hash-tagging "#___goals"

I've seen this range from "#thighgapgoals", "#beautygoals", "#friendshipgoals", or the most popular: "#relationshipgoals"

As Sadie says it's all about people comparing themselves to others and wanting to reach a goal to have what another person has or be like another person. She goes deep into what her own personal issues with jealousy and other flaws that she has. Sadie mentions how she wants to see a world filled with confidence and to have all of us strive to be the best "YOU" that we can be.

I couldn't agree with this video more. I give her SO much credit for putting herself out there to speak about what GOD laid on her heart. How she spoke to confidently about being content with what God gives YOU and not looking to others for that contentment. 

I know that this "goal" thing is a just a form of joking (maybe I just don't have a sense of humor?) around but is it really? 

Let's face it, we live in a world where jealously can rear it's ugly head into us at any moment. We've all looked on the other side of the fence and wondered what it would be like if we could have what that person has, or look like that person does.

I'm SO super guilty of this. I am no where near the size 2 I used to be. I struggled with (and come on, honestly, I still sometimes do) looking at other women who were in good shape and super skinny with such jealously. I couldn't just recognize how God made them beautiful, just like He did with me. I focused on how I didn't even come close to having a waist that tiny. Instead of looking at my body and realizing that I was blessed enough to house a tiny human for 9 months!

Another example? My marriage. I see husbands that shower their wives with flowers and jewelry and sometimes felt animosity toward my husband because I didn't get that from him. I forgot about what he DOES give me. How laughter, emotional support and physical love works so much better in our marriage then material things. It's always been that way and I couldn't be more happy.
Like mentioned in the video, this doesn't mean to not have goals! This doesn't mean that you can't look up to and admire other people! I love to model my marriage and how I parent my daughter after my parents. They are such an inspiring example of strength, love and patience to me. But while looking up to them is great, I keep in mind that we are all different people. Eric and I do what's best for ourselves and our family at the end of the day.
I hope this is all making sense :)

Sadie uses 1 Samuel 16:17 as a reference in the video:
 7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but theLord looks at the heart.”

YES! This verse is SO beautiful! How nice would it be to look at others the way The Lord looks at us? To look at one another's heart instead of their looks? To stop comparing and start appreciating!! Appreciating what we have AND what others have. It's hard, I know, (this is why we are no where near how perfect Jesus is!) but we NEED to find contentment not in what this world will give us, but with what God gives us.
Why are we struggling so hard to be like everyone else when our Creator spent so much time crafting and putting us together?
I am not kidding when I say WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!! 
Seriously! We all have something we are good at and can contribute to this world.
So what if you don't have a thigh gap?! (Join the club, haha!) So what if your neighbor is driving a Bentley and you're still driving your Honda Civic from high school?
So what if her eyebrows are thick and shaped to perfection and you can barely see the hairs on yours?
So what if your friends husbands buys her flowers and diamond earrings and yours takes you to Chic-Fil-A for a date? (Totally prefer Chic-Fil-A!!!)
There is contentment in JESUS! There is beauty found in JESUS! There is peace in JESUS! There is peace in knowing how much He loves and cares for us how we are, how we look and will always come to where we are RIGHT NOW! There is peace in knowing that He gives and promises us FAR more then anything this world can ever offer.

As Sadie said in the video, I, as well, know that God might not be a thing for some people but I want to challenge you as well to try something new. See what this Jesus guy is all about because I PROMISE He does not give disappointment like this world can give.
I think each one of you are so special and beautiful.
If there is anything you'd like to touch on that I haven't in this post, or just want to chat about, you know where to find me: gfmamaj@gmail.com
MUCH, MUCH LOVE!

P.S. Lets create some new hashtags eh?
#beyourselfgoals
#beorigionalgoals
#beyougoals
Lets start to use social media to inspire others and tell them they are great! Throw somebody a compliment and see how it can change their day!

Home IS where the heart is

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13 

Eric and I have been longing to be home owners. We love the idea of making such a huge purchase, that we have worked for, together. Of starting to plant roots for our family and just make a house our own. It has been a long and frustrating road. One minute I feel peace about the situation and the next, I'm crying into a pillow because of where we are living now.

But the more I pray over this verse, the more I look at the big picture, the more I talk to The Lord about this situation and the more that I TRUST His timing...the more I am

CONTENT.

I was thinking about our housing situation last night (again!) while giving my daughter a bath. I watched her play, laugh and splash in her little bath tub, chewing on her rubby duckie. I thought to myself how blessed I am to have a safe, warm and happy place for my daughter to do something as simple as take a bath. She has a small but BEAUTIFUL nursery that was painted and decorated with love and by family. My little family was able to take a walk with each other, in the sunshine, and feed ducks at a near by pond. Eric and I have a comfy and safe place to lay our head down at night when we go to sleep.

For the past two years, since we started trying to buy a home, I have pouted and have been so bitter over not having a home without even thinking of what home REALLY is. 

A home is a place filled with the most sweetest God-given love. A place where my daughter can learn and develop, as well as, Eric and I! A place where we can make memories and share laughs, tears and prayer. I've lost sight of what a home is supposed to be and got caught up in the material aspect of it.

I know that Jesus has our future in the palm of His hands and who better right?! It's so hard to loosen the grips of control on some situations but keeping the simple fact in my head that He ONLY wants good things for our life, makes trusting Him easier.

A house is coming; our plans of landscaping, decorating and hosting holidays is coming. But in the mean time we have a HOME and that is way more important.

Learning to be content with what I have is learning not to look at the lives of others with envy. To look at others, who may have what you dream of , and be pleased that God is fulfilling His plan for them as well! Plus, why would God trust ME with whats's next if I can't be content with all that He's blessed me with already?

I strive to use my "waiting time" to grow closer to God and lean on Him, which at the end of the day, is what He really wants.

I am proud of how Eric and I, with much help, have made our situation be the best it can be!

Are you waiting for something? A new season in life? A new job? Maybe a relationship? I can promise you that you are no where near waiting alone. Share your thoughts, hopes and dreams with me any time you'd like! gfmamaj@gmail.com

Remember His plan > ours. Always! 

Much love!

-Check out my recipes page that has two new yummy and gluten free recipes that I added! :)

Here are some pictures from our little family walk. I'm always thankful for the time we have together as a family because there are some weeks it's far and few :)

Makenna loves being outside!

I love this open view of the sun setting that I am so blessed to see almost every evening :)

Makenna and her daddy feeding the ducks! 

A letter to the high school Amanda

Dear Amanda,

You are amazing. 

Beautiful. Talented. Unique. Special. 

It's your senior year of high school; you're getting ready to venture out into the big world and you're feeling anything but those qualities I used to describe you. Hear me when I say your smile can light up a room and that singing voice you've been working so hard on to perfect really IS that good. 

You'll grow into your awkward chest, you finally discover what makeup is and no, your rump never gets bigger. Sorry. Oh and by the way, you are BY NO MEANS fat. There's going to come a time when you look back on pictures from this moment and pray to God that you could have that body back. Appreciate that body. Be kind to it. 

Ignore those that hold no real significant meaning in your life. I know it's hard to turn away from the whispers behind your back or the dirty looks in the chorus room but I promise that 2,3 even 4 years down the road those fellow classmates will be even further then a distant memory. Block it out the best you can because you won't see about 99.9% of them again after graduation. 

It's OK that your grades suck. Academics has never and will never be your "thing." Just keep singing. Pour your heart and soul into it! Try your best to be able to graduate and don't worry about the rest. Enjoy the memories of singing in all the different choirs you're in now, ALL State or performing in your last drama performance. It'll be the last time you're on stage for quite a while. 

Be prepared for the biggest heartbreak of your life. You will think he is your first love but I promise, he's not even close to what your first love really feels life. This boy will lead you to new and, what feels like, exciting places. You feel on top of the world. It doesn't last. The relationship is toxic and brings you to a place in your life that you never thought you'd be. When it ends, your heart is going to feel like the biggest rock came and crushed it. Pick yourself up. You're soon going to be in a new place soon and experience new things. which all leads you to meeting the man of your dreams!

This man will be your first love. This man is not looking for love when you meet and vice versa. But he sweeps you off your feet in an instant. You both fall madly in love with each other very quickly. He loves and adores you for who you are and doesn't take advantage or try and change you. He accepts all your baggage and does his best to mend your heart every day. He will change your world. He wants to marry, love and protect you for the rest of your life. So don't be jealous of the marriages your surrounded by. Don't go searching for him. Don't worry when it doesn't work out with anyone else. Your prince charming is on his way.  He is worth the wait.

You're going to lose friends and even family but don't sweat it. It's hard and to this day you will mourn the loss of some of those people from your life. But those that are meant to be in your life will stay around and the friends that you make down the road are simply amazing! They want nothing but to build you up, make you laugh and just love and support you! Keep the negative energy away from you even if that means ending friendships you thought would last forever. You marry into a wonderful family with a sister-in-law who becomes a best friend. These are the people worth sticking around.

You're going to question God. A lot. Keep chasing Him. Follow that feeling in your gut and, yes, change your college major to ministry. Keep building your relationship with Jesus. Trust in Him because the road is long and hard to get to where we are now. Things are about to happen in your life that will shatter your soul. Keep seeking Him. He has plans to save you. He has plans to bring a church into your life that will help move mountains in your heart. He has plans to prosper you and create miracles in your life that you never thought possible. 

Like a baby. Yes despite what you might have said in the past, you ARE going to be a mommy. It's going to be the sweetest time in your life. You are going to wake up every day, look at that baby and feel more then blessed. I promise! It will have taken a lot of time, patience and prayer to have her enter the world but she is more then worth it. She is one of the greatest things to have ever happened to you. She will help you grow up and love your husband even more. Enjoy every second, take a deep breath and know you're an awesome mom!

Lastly, give your mom and dad a break. Yes they get upset when you do something wrong, yes they have to discipline you but it's for the greater good. Cling tight to them because they love you more then anything in this world. A love that you will understand the second you have your own baby. Your relationship with them goes downhill and stays there for a while. It does get better. The hurt heals and the relationship begins to flourish again. Remain honest when you get there and you will all be ok. They will be your best friends and people you see every day. You will get told how much you look, sound, act like your mom and don't even try to act like that bothers you. Because you love it! :)

Take time to be happy, give yourself a pat on the back and know that the best is yet to come. Your life goes through so many ups and downs but it's worth it all to get to where you will be in 6-7 years. Be kind to others and don't lose your free spirit. Don't conform to what the world wants you to be. Be strong and hang in there for the ride. 

It's a beautiful one.

First day of senior year :)

My heart is filled with more then just turkey!

Happy Post Thanksgiving! 
I trust that your day of food, family, friends and thanks was a great one.
Ours was one for the books because we had our sweet little turkey this year! Despite Makenna not feeling well, she was happy the entire day. Our family loved being around her and she was passed around quite a bit to get a little bit of love from everyone. By the end of the evening, we still followed her nightly routine of bath and bottle at 7:30 pm and she fell asleep just like this in her daddy's old childhood room:

So now that we (well at least The Janson family) have officially entered the holiday season, I am SO excited! Christmas shopping for a baby is the best and most fun. I never want to rush Makenna growing up but I look forward to when she is old enough to understand the real meaning behind Christmas.

Christmas last year meant the most to me then it had any other year. It was my first Christmas celebrating as a saved Christian. I focused more on the fact that it was to celebrate the birth of my Lord and Savior then the Hallmark aspect of it. (And of course finding out we were pregnant!!!)

To think of what God gave to us that night when Jesus was born is overwhelming and the more my relationship grows with him, the more I am absolutely in love with this holiday. I will do all I can as a mother and a servant to God to teach our children how important and special Christmas really is without all the presents and "getting." How important it is to, not only give all year around but especially through the holiday season. I hope they grow to learn and love Jesus as much as Eric and I do :) My heart feels so warm and full of love going into this holiday season. I cannot wait to see what this Christmas brings for our family and also for our church!

These past four days have been so nice having Eric around. With him working and being away so much, it's always nice and important to make time as a family to build our own memories around this time. And these past few days, we sure have! We finished decorating our little fifth wheel with what we could fit. It'll be nice to have a home next year where we can put up a Christmas tree and lights. All in do time ;)

Last night we had a fire over at my parents house. We had peppermint, hot cocoa and s'mores in front of the fire pit and it was a nice time. Family really is so important to me and I am blessed to have a husband that feels the same way! I look forward to so many wonderful years as a family and I can't wait to watch it grow. 

Here are a few pictures from our time together these past few days:

Our wonderful turkey that my in-laws made for Thanksgiving. They are SUPER good chefs!!!

We got together with our bible study friends for some desert and fellowship the following night. Caught Eric in the act of eating his 20th cookie, haha, and there's our friend Sam in the background! 

Our sweet baby slept in her crib for the first time last night and I totally cried. She is getting so big, so fast!! I love her to pieces!

The awesome fire my dad and Eric made. There's our yummy s'mores plate!

(For gluten free smores, I just used two pieces of Hershey's mini chocolate bars to sandwich a marshmallow! YUM!)

I hope all of you had some nice time off this week so spend with those who matter most to you!And as we enter the holiday season with full force, remember to not get so caught up in all the presents and decorations, etc. Think about giving more then you'll receive this year. Head over to your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter and really spend time with those that need the love and grace, that Jesus equips us with, the most! I hope you all have a great Sunday and as always I'm here for you to reach out to about anything: gfmamaj@gmail.com

MUCH LOVE xoxo

Just a little something to make you LOL!

Inhale love, exhale gratitude

I absolutely adore this time of year. The chill in the air starts to set in for winter, everyone is busy holiday shopping, and families are getting together for one very special dinner of thanks! It's crazy to think that this time last year, I was already pregnant with Makenna and didn't even know it. Now she's here and I'm able to hold my sweet babe while stuffing my face with turkey this year.
I am so thankful for all that has happened in our lives this past year. I shamefully realize how much I take for granted every single day. Yes my roof may leak when it rains, but it's still shelter from the cold. My car may be in the shop every other month, but I am still able to get around. I may get my yearly sinus infection but for the most part, my family and I have our health. We may not be rich but my husband has an amazing job that's able to take care of us and provide us with an amazing, stable life. When times get hard, I don't always remember how great I really have it. God has blessed my little family with so much and I should recognize and be thankful for all of it every single day of the year.
Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song.  For the LORD is the great God, the great King above all gods. 

Psalm 95:2-3

With all the hate that has spread all over the news the past few days, this leads me to want to jump into my community even more. To take this relationship I have with Jesus by the hand and bring it everywhere I possibly can. I have been feeling even more appreciative of where I am at emotionally and spiritually today. This country needs love. This world needs love. Why not pour that sweet love we have inside of us to those who so desperately need it most this upcoming holiday season? And when the holidays are over, lets carry that with us wherever we go. There are so many places and opportunities where we can extend a loving and lending hand. I challenge all of you to take time this holiday season to reach out to anyone you may feel needs it.
Life can be made beautiful no matter what hand we are dealt. Focus on what you DO have tomorrow and what others would do anything for.
I pray all of you have a warm and happy Thanksgiving with whoever you may be spending it with. May your belly be full and your heart even fuller.
Much love to you all!

Five more things I am thankful for:

*A place to call home

*Our health

*How much progress Eric and I have made in our marriage

*Date nights

*Grace

This one is for you, Kim K.

Hey there!
As much as I do not like to admit it, I used to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. On a weekly, morning and nightly basis. I'd tune into their new episodes every Sunday night and read magazine articles about them.
It's not so much that I really "admired" them but was more fascinated by them. Fascinated with fame that really came from no where or the way they spoke to one another and just lived their lives. In a way, I was almost envious of their lifestyle. They had so much money and could literally buy whatever they wanted to and they seemed so happy doing so.
It wasn't until, maybe, two or three seasons ago that I started to get over the whole Kardashian craze and they honestly started to bug me. I decided to stop watching it and really felt good about that decision. I honestly didn't even hear much about the Kardashians anymore. Until last week.
I'm sure most, if not all, have heard about how Kim Kardashian has "broke the internet" with the spread she did for Paper magazine. The pictures of Kim are quite bare and by bare I mean wearing nothing at all.
The feedback has been negative. Some positive but mostly negative. Those that do support the Kardashians are lashing out to those who are negatively commenting on that spread, saying that "she's a woman and is embracing her sexuality." Or "she's free to do whatever she wants" and "you are all just jealous your body doesn't look like that."
OK STOP
When I first saw the pictures (right there on my news-feed, I couldn't scroll away fast enough!!!), I will admit that I, most definitely, judged. I looked down upon Kim and was almost angry at the thought of this being on my husbands news-feed and HIM having access to see this. But these past few days as I was thinking about the magazine spread and looking at comments from people all over the world with their thoughts on it, my shock and disgust disappeared. It really just makes me feel bad for her.
I can honestly say that it saddens me that a woman as beautiful as Kim Kardashian feels she needs to strip down to literally nothing in order to gain even more attention. It saddens me to imagine that all she thinks she is good for is her body. It saddens me to think that her daughter has to grow up in an environment where taking your clothes off for money and attention is ok. It saddens me to think that with all that fame and fortune and attention; are they really happy? Is this life really what they want?

And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.
-1 Timothy 2:9

I'm not talking about wearing turtlenecks and long skirts here. I love to look good and attractive BUT for one person and one person ONLY: my husband. I do not dress in a way to attract the eyes of others, especially men. I have no problem dressing in a way that speaks class and still lets me feel great about myself because, YES, as women, we should have confidence. Confidence leads to happiness and I want that for every lady. But does that mean to strip down to your birthday suit to do that?
Look, Kim Kardashian did what she felt was a good move for her and her career. If her husband is ok with it then what else is there to say? I will pray for the Kardashian- West family. That they are and will raise that little girl to be humble, to love and to do the right thing-whatever that may be to them.
I may get some backlash for this and that is ok. But, I am the child of a God who wants me to respect my body and to me, that is not showing it much respect. I do not think a picture like that should be for the eyes of the world. 
However, to each their own. I will continue about my daily life and soon enough, that magazine spread will fade into a thing of that past. Even though I can't personally, I will show Kim K. compassion through good thoughts and prayer. I really tried hard to pick and choose my words in this post. I don't want to come across as being one of those "jealous" fans because trust me, my body may never look like that and that is perfectly fine with me.
As for my family, I would love to teach my daughter to seek the attention and approval of Jesus and not society. To represent herself (and still love) in a way that is appealing to Him. 
To anyone who disagrees and would like to discuss this further, I would love to! (gfmamaj@gamil.com)

MOVING ON:
It is almost Thanksgiving! I'm pretty sure I am finished with my Christmas shopping and now it is just a matter of putting it all together.
The Janson Family has so many exciting things on the calender. Besides the fact that we are celebrating Makenna's major first holidays (Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years!), we also have some church Christmas parties to attend. 
 While still sick, I attended my first Worship Band practice yesterday! (EEEEP!) It was SO much fun. It was more then rewarding to be around other musicians again, especially those that just love Jesus! I am so excited to see where this leads because at Newspring and in God, the best is ALWAYS yet to come!
Well, that is all that's on mind (for now)! I hope you are all having a fabulous start to your week and are busy finalizing Thanksgiving plans. As always, I'm here to chat about anything that may be on your mind :)
Much love!

5 more things I am thankful for:
-My sweet husband playing nurse while I've been sick
-Decaff green tea
-Music
-My parents generosity
-Pintrest recipes