Seasons Change. Jesus Doesn't.

I LOVE FALL!

In fact, I love fall so much, I could shout it to the world!

I LOVE FALL!

There's something so magical about that crisp feeling in the air. It's a feeling I can't quite find the words to describe but there are moments when the sun is shining, the leaves are changing colors, the air is crisp and it just tugs at my heart strings.
To me, fall is another piece of evidence of how much our Creator truly loves us! :)

Entering into this years season of Fall, God has placed a few things on my heart that I'd love to share.

The simple minded part of me, loves fall for these reasons:
* Changing leaves 
* Pumpkin EVERYTHING
* Thanksgiving!
* Change of weather. Which brings me to..
* Cute, cozy sweaters to wear
* Bonfires and SMORES (gluten free of course!) 
* The promise that Christmas is coming!

But this year I thought to try and tap into the spiritual reasons there are to love Fall and came up with this:
Fall is a beautiful reminder that all things change; nothing ever stays the same. Seasons or trials will come and go. Things will grow and things will die. I am in a season of my life now where I feel things are forever changing. A lesson that God was teaching me last week is nothing even remotely relatable to what He's teaching me this week! Our church is forever growing and changing, along with, our Worship Team. (PRAISE JESUS!) My family just went through a rather tough little season. Our country is about to go though some major change as well. Change is everywhere!

Like I just said, nothing stays the same. Things are constantly revolving. Life is so unpredictable; so unstable Except ONE thing.

JESUS.

A couple of verses that I discovered that fit this topic are some I'd love to share with you.

"The grass withers, the flower fades
when the breath of the Lord blows on it; 
surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades,
but the word of our God will stand forever."
-Isaiah 40: 7-8

"Jesus is the same yesterday and today and today and forever."
-Hebrews 13:8

"For I the Lord do not change."
-Malachi 3:6

So while the trees are changing colors and the leaves are dying and falling off the trees..while the temperature outside changes from hot into cooler weather, our God DOESN'T CHANGE.

His love, His mercy, His grace, His power, His patience, His strength, and His holiness remains the absolute same.
What promise and hope we can get from this truth in an ever-changing and evolving world!
What promise and hope we can get from turning to His Word and knowing that it will never be different. That everything He said and meant 1,000's of years ago, He still means them today!

His victory on the cross? Remains the same.

His promises for us? Remains the same.

His plans for us? Remains the same. We were born with God already knowing every move we would make and every thought we would have. And in this moment, even as you're reading this, He is WORKING things for our good. (Romans 8:28) WHAT A GOOD FATHER! 

So I promise that even though much can change in our lives and outside our windows, God will never ever change. His Being and His nature will remain true and the same for forever.

So with all that said, Happy Fall! Hope you are all able to drink some apple cider and enjoy a snuggly fire :)
Much love sweet friends! 

Nothing Is Wasted

I will honestly admit that this is one story I do NOT want to share. It's a story that for the past 6 weeks, I've been wanting to forget. A story that I never thought would be mine to share.
But I know and truly realize I was given this story for many reasons. I've been learning how much God really does use our pain for purpose. I was given this story, not to remain silent, but to share with many and boast about His goodness and His unwavering amount of grace and strength. It's a story about hope and how, even through the worst of situations, He can still can take a tragedy and turn it into triumph
So please, treat this story as fragile as feels, for it's still a healing wound.

This October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
I have known and heard personal stories of women experiencing miscarriages. I've read, in prayer threads online, the desperate cries of women who were asking for prayer and hanging on to the last bit of hope they had. My heart always ached for them but as they say "You never know what someone else is going through until you've experienced it for yourself." I never knew how much this statement would resonate with me. Until it all started to happen to me.

I'll start by saying how much Eric and I ADORE parenthood. I mean adore it. Makenna saved us in so many ways and she is truly our miracle child. We prayed and hoped for her for years. Being her parent has been the most incredible thing and one of the greatest gifts God could have ever given us. It felt only natural that after 6 months of having Makenna with us that we wanted to start trying for another.
As I expected there to be, there were complications. But it felt a lot easier to deal with the second time around because I truly was in a place where I relied more on Jesus and stuck with that it would happen in His PEFECT timing.
We kept trying for almost a year and half with, for the most part, complete peace and relaxation about it.
The middle of this past July brought some great news. After grabbing a pizza lunch with a couple, Eric and I ran to Target and I felt the need to buy a pregnancy test. I had "unloaded my pizza" in the bathroom when first getting into the store and it wasn't the first time that week I had "tossed my cookies" that week.
I took it immediately when we got home and received the brightest positive I had ever seen! I felt dizzy, excited, nervous all at once and looked my first baby. I told her she was going to be a big sister and held her while I cried with joy.
Makenna and I walked out of the bathroom and met Eric in the kitchen where I told him I had a surprise. I held out the test and he, equally, joined in my excitement.
The following Monday would be our first baby appointment and we couldn't wait.
Our appointment finally arrived and we could hardly stand the wait to our see our new baby!
The ultrasound seemed to be going fine until I noticed that the technician wasn't saying anything. She wasn't pointing out where the baby was and didn't let us hear a heartbeat. My heart sank. I knew right then and there that something was wrong. I remember thinking in my head "Please God, I'll do anything. Please."
The ultrasound technician stated how she wasn't able to say anything about the ultrasound and that our doctor would meet with us and explain it all. We didn't get good news from her either. It looked like what I had was a blighted ovum. It's where the baby is lost super early in pregnancy but yet the body still thinks and acts like it's pregnant. Seemed like complete unfairness and pure cruelty to me.
We were given the option to terminate the pregnancy but for moral reasons, we decided to wait. Either for God to perform a miracle or at least for my body to do what it needed to, naturally. The wait would be another 2 weeks to have another ultrasound.
Fast forward to most agonizing and stressful weeks of my life to ultrasound #2 where we discovered that there were 2 yolk sacs meaning 2 babies. My doctor was struck with such confusion and said she no longer felt comfortable with termination and I needed to come back another week later for ultrasound #3, stating that since we were possibly dealing with twins, that changed the entire situation. However, we received the news that my hormone levels were dropping with the doctor explaining it didn't look good.
That next Monday, before my next ultrasound, my miscarriage started.
There's not too much to explain after that. It was over. It was a loss. Two babies that we wouldn't hold in our arms. I was devastated and in a way I still am.
However this verse has never been more true:
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Romans 8:28
It's become my mantra. My life verse. The weeks that we experienced the waiting to see what would happen, the desperate pleas and cries to God, the trying to understand the meaning and the purpose behind all this...this verse popped up everywhere.

It reminds me that through the pain, through the hardships, the trials, through our mess and even our darkest hour..God works all things for our good and His glory, as long as we love Him. It may not seem good, but we can rest assure that it is. God is using our pain for purpose and as my Pastor says often "Nothing is wasted." Nothing in God goes in vain. 

It's been a HUGE test of faith and character for both Eric and I. And I never thought I would be that 1 in 4 to have to go through this but I am and it happened. The choice is mine to sit around and mope or to use my circumstances to reach out to others who may be going through something similar.

I thank Him for using and working through me. I praise Him for being a good Father. I worship Him for giving me the strength that brought me through such agonizing weeks of waiting then healing. And I put my complete hope in Him as we move on and try for our next miracle baby. 

There IS hope at the end of, what seems like, a dark and lonely tunnel. If this is something you've experience and you need an outlet, someone to talk to..I am here! GOD is here! I pray for overwhelming amounts of peace and understanding to fall upon you.

A serious thank you for all who read this. It's not a fun, happy topic but miscarriages happen and they are not as uncommon as we may think. Let's not just draw awareness to it but allow others to share their stories.

Much love, as always, friends! 

All I need is You

How can I truely be happy?

Will a new car make me happy?
Well, yes.

Will buying a home make me happy?
Of course!

Will having more money make me happy?
Yes it would!

Honesty time..
I have been so caught up in my "wants" lately. Wanting a home, more money, a newer car, nicer clothes, a smaller waistline, etc.
My want and to do list are growing bigger as my time and relationship with Jesus is growing smaller.

Last night at my small group we talked about what our top 3 priorities were. I listed mine as:
1) Family
2) New house
3) Jesus

WHOA! After I read my priorities out loud, in my head I questioned myself why I put our new home (and even family) before Jesus. Sure, I said Him first to my small group ladies but on my piece of paper I wrote Him third.
I've been wanting this home for so long that I've forgotten where my true happiness lies...and it's not in material things. Even a beautiful home.
I've been so focused on my marriage, Makenna and family (which there is nothing wrong with at all) but have completely forgotten to spend and set aside time for the One who is my rock. My foundation!
I'm so worried about checking social media, my email and worrying about my to do's when I first wake up that I haven't started to my day with Jesus and in prayer in a long time.
No wonder I'm so on edge all the time!!
I've had all these "things" distracting me that have completely made me lose focus on spending time with God-my true happiness! It's so easy to fall into this trap but can be harder to get out.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
-Romans 15:13

I want to Jesus to be the ONLY thing that can complete me and the only thing that can truely fill me with peace and joy! Everything else should just be an added blessing and gift from Him, which they are!
It's a decision and choice that I need to make every single day that Jesus is going to be at the very, very top of my priority list! He's worth that much (and more)!!!
Spending more time in His word and working to form even more of a deep relationship Him is a great place to start :)
I am so thankful to have a God that never stops chasing me. He is the only one who will ever be able to give me an endless supply of love and grace.

Some food for thought! Happy Wednesday :)

Dear Sweet, Infertile Friend

Dear Infertile Friend,
First let me say:
You are NOT alone!
My infertility journey was frustrating, scary, lonely, confusing but most importantly..humbling. 
My sweet, sweet husband did the absolute best he could with being supportive. We knew the problem was me, we just couldn't figure out why.
I wrote a post called The Story of Our Miracle Baby that I encourage you to read. Our story may not be the same but the pain still runs deep.
Let me say that there is nothing wrong with you. You were not made broken because our Creator loves you way too much to have made you that way.
I want you to know that, with Mothers Day coming up, that I am thinking of you, praying for you, and hurting with you. That day for me was a huge smack of a reminder of what I didn't have. I know how hard it's going to be and I know that no words are going to make it better. But know that my gift to you that day is my ear that is willing to listen as long as you need me to.
I want you to know that I am here. Here to listen, to get angry with you and to cry with you.
I understand that you look at others with envy and I do not judge when you get irritable being around families with children.
I was the same way.
Infertility takes away so much: a normal sex life, your money, your patience, and your sanity.
I kept track of temps, marked days on the calendar and googled every pinge or twinge of a symptom I felt. I spent more than my fair share of time and energy peeing on sticks and getting the same, negative result.
I understand that what worked for me will not work for you, being as we are all crafted differently.
What I NEED you to understand is that the Creator of the universe will not leave you out in the cold. He will meet you where you are. He will comfort you, guide you and bless you the more you trust Him with this situation.
I can promise you that Jesus will take your tears and pain and turn this into progress. The two years of infertility issues we went through were so that I could finally hand over the control I had on my life and give it all to Him. He wants us to take painful and just plain awful situations and use them to draw closer to Him. His purpose for my pain is to reach out to others, like you, with open arms and tell you that I understand.
I GET IT! 
I found GRACE through our infertility. I found compassion and I found mercy through Jesus.
I promise you that He has been working behind the scenes to conduct a marvelous plan for all of this. It may not be what we have in mind but I promise that it will be better than we could have ever planned for ourselves!
Hang in there.
Reach out to others going through the same thing.
Reach out to others that have been where you are and can help.
If I could go back and tell myself anything it would be to say: that it's ok to be sad. It's ok to feel bitter. It's ok to have a glass of wine and forget a night of taking a prenatal vitamin. Find support and reach out to others. Don't beat myself up and don't ever, ever feel like something is wrong with me.

I adore you sweet friend. I am here for you.
MUCH, MUCH LOVE <3

If you or somebody know is struggling with infertility, here are a couple of link I want to share as valuable resources:
National Infertility Awareness Week 
Daily Strength
Fertility Lifelines
and of course: gfmamaj@gmail.com

This one is for you, Kim K.

Hey there!
As much as I do not like to admit it, I used to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. On a weekly, morning and nightly basis. I'd tune into their new episodes every Sunday night and read magazine articles about them.
It's not so much that I really "admired" them but was more fascinated by them. Fascinated with fame that really came from no where or the way they spoke to one another and just lived their lives. In a way, I was almost envious of their lifestyle. They had so much money and could literally buy whatever they wanted to and they seemed so happy doing so.
It wasn't until, maybe, two or three seasons ago that I started to get over the whole Kardashian craze and they honestly started to bug me. I decided to stop watching it and really felt good about that decision. I honestly didn't even hear much about the Kardashians anymore. Until last week.
I'm sure most, if not all, have heard about how Kim Kardashian has "broke the internet" with the spread she did for Paper magazine. The pictures of Kim are quite bare and by bare I mean wearing nothing at all.
The feedback has been negative. Some positive but mostly negative. Those that do support the Kardashians are lashing out to those who are negatively commenting on that spread, saying that "she's a woman and is embracing her sexuality." Or "she's free to do whatever she wants" and "you are all just jealous your body doesn't look like that."
OK STOP
When I first saw the pictures (right there on my news-feed, I couldn't scroll away fast enough!!!), I will admit that I, most definitely, judged. I looked down upon Kim and was almost angry at the thought of this being on my husbands news-feed and HIM having access to see this. But these past few days as I was thinking about the magazine spread and looking at comments from people all over the world with their thoughts on it, my shock and disgust disappeared. It really just makes me feel bad for her.
I can honestly say that it saddens me that a woman as beautiful as Kim Kardashian feels she needs to strip down to literally nothing in order to gain even more attention. It saddens me to imagine that all she thinks she is good for is her body. It saddens me to think that her daughter has to grow up in an environment where taking your clothes off for money and attention is ok. It saddens me to think that with all that fame and fortune and attention; are they really happy? Is this life really what they want?

And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes.
-1 Timothy 2:9

I'm not talking about wearing turtlenecks and long skirts here. I love to look good and attractive BUT for one person and one person ONLY: my husband. I do not dress in a way to attract the eyes of others, especially men. I have no problem dressing in a way that speaks class and still lets me feel great about myself because, YES, as women, we should have confidence. Confidence leads to happiness and I want that for every lady. But does that mean to strip down to your birthday suit to do that?
Look, Kim Kardashian did what she felt was a good move for her and her career. If her husband is ok with it then what else is there to say? I will pray for the Kardashian- West family. That they are and will raise that little girl to be humble, to love and to do the right thing-whatever that may be to them.
I may get some backlash for this and that is ok. But, I am the child of a God who wants me to respect my body and to me, that is not showing it much respect. I do not think a picture like that should be for the eyes of the world. 
However, to each their own. I will continue about my daily life and soon enough, that magazine spread will fade into a thing of that past. Even though I can't personally, I will show Kim K. compassion through good thoughts and prayer. I really tried hard to pick and choose my words in this post. I don't want to come across as being one of those "jealous" fans because trust me, my body may never look like that and that is perfectly fine with me.
As for my family, I would love to teach my daughter to seek the attention and approval of Jesus and not society. To represent herself (and still love) in a way that is appealing to Him. 
To anyone who disagrees and would like to discuss this further, I would love to! (gfmamaj@gamil.com)

MOVING ON:
It is almost Thanksgiving! I'm pretty sure I am finished with my Christmas shopping and now it is just a matter of putting it all together.
The Janson Family has so many exciting things on the calender. Besides the fact that we are celebrating Makenna's major first holidays (Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Years!), we also have some church Christmas parties to attend. 
 While still sick, I attended my first Worship Band practice yesterday! (EEEEP!) It was SO much fun. It was more then rewarding to be around other musicians again, especially those that just love Jesus! I am so excited to see where this leads because at Newspring and in God, the best is ALWAYS yet to come!
Well, that is all that's on mind (for now)! I hope you are all having a fabulous start to your week and are busy finalizing Thanksgiving plans. As always, I'm here to chat about anything that may be on your mind :)
Much love!

5 more things I am thankful for:
-My sweet husband playing nurse while I've been sick
-Decaff green tea
-Music
-My parents generosity
-Pintrest recipes

We all have a story to tell

The story of how I came to know Christ is not one I share quite often. It brings up unwanted memories of a past that, to this day, I struggle to accept. But the more I progress in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel Him calling me. Calling me to be bold and share the news of how He saved me. I kept dismissing those calls and when I started this blog, I made a promise to myself I wouldn't go that far. I would keep the posts light and positive; only lightly talking about what Jesus does in my life.
Until this morning.
I receive emails every morning from a website called Proverbs 31 Ministries and today's devotional was labeled How God Turns Your Past Into Purpose. The devotional started off with this verse:
“‘Return home and tell how much God has done for you.’ So the man went away and told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.” Luke 8:39 

It states how God never wastes our pain. That it's His desire for us to share our stories, whether we want to or not. That made me realize that He didn't just send His only Son for me to talk "lightly" of Him and all He does for me.

So with that said and a deep breath from my side of the computer, I'd love to share with you all how I was saved!

I grew up in a non religious household. My mom is Jewish and my dad is Catholic. We still celebrated the holidays, but in more of a hallmark sense. They never pushed one religion on me; wanting me to one day decide if I even wanted to follow any type of religion. I had gone to church maybe three times growing up and honestly never had the desire to. I didn't hang out with friends that were into religion or God and at some moments in my teenage years, I wondered if He even existed. 

My senior year of high school, I had my first, official relationship. It's because of this relationship I was introduced to church with his family, who were all pretty secure in their faith. I started to look into Christianity and took great interest in it. It was overwhelming and I didn't even know where to start. I started to Google popular bible verses on the internet and even tried to pray to "see what would happen." I was no where near living a life for Jesus and considered myself just getting my toes wet to see if this whole faith thing was for me and if I even wanted to pursue a relationship with Him.

Little did I know that God was just getting things started for me. 

This was only the very beginning.

Fast forward a little bit. A chain of events and falling into the wrong group of people, led me to become somebody I didn't even know anymore and do things that I am, by no means, proud of. I hurt my family, friends and myself. If I was on any path toward Jesus, I was already starting to stray out of control. The relationship I was in and out of, was over and left me really hurt. At the time I considered it losing my first love (not really knowing what love was back then) and my innocence. 

November 2009, after months of being out of touch with reality, I made the decision to get away. Some said I was running from my problems and they were right!! I needed a fresh start and I needed it fast. So I found a place to live, I enrolled in college, packed up my little Nissan Sentra and moved to Jacksonville, North Carolina to stay with my friend Brittany for a little while before I could get the keys to my apartment. I was thankful for the compassion I received from her and others during that time, considering how I acted beforehand. I especially couldn't have been more thankful for my parents who didn't give up on me once; who supported me moving over 600 miles away to start my life over and still believed I was capable of doing amazing things. Without my mom and dad in my life, I don't even want to think about where I would be and I will forever owe my heart and love to them!

Things in Jacksonville started off great. I was working at a well paying job, started school and was really getting my life back on track. I started to go back to God little by little and even changed my major from theatre to religion studies. 

But I still just couldn't get it right. I started to slip off the path once again. I found myself not being honest with others or myself. I took a liking to drinking and once again, lost my interest in my faith and wandered from God.

I was in such a rut. I hated who I was as a person, was depressed to be alone and walked around being so bitter. I talked to men that, in the end, didn't want anything but a physical relationship and ended it when I wouldn't give that to them. Also, in a huge way, I was still hurting and bruised over the relationship that ended in NY.  I didn't know what to do or where to run. I closed myself off from my parents, which I know hurt them even more. I was losing control again. 

It wasn't until I met my husband (check out It All Started With a Toaster to read how) that I felt my heart and spirit come back to life. When I say that Eric mended my broken heart, he really did. He picked up the pieces and did (and still does!) all he could to show me what love really was. He is, who I consider to be, my first love.

But even being in that relationship, I still wasn't living for God. We both weren't. I still wasn't bring an honest person and I was still feeling the aftermath of all I had been through the last few years. It more then affected our marriage.

In 2012, Eric and I moved to Lexington, SC after he got out of the Marine Corps and things were hard. We went through our biggest trial together and there were times I didn't know how or when we'd make it out. 

Behind the scenes, God was ready to move mountains! All we needed to do was just surrender to Him and the spiritual warfare going on in our hearts wouldn't allow us. We were suffering as people and as a couple. I had no idea what our future held at this point.  

In September 2013, something led us to start wanting to go back to church. We started going to a church called Newspring that so many people told us about. We were both overwhelmed and unsure about it but kept going back. I was captivated. The music, the pastor, the message; it all stayed with me throughout the week. It lit a spark in our hearts and we attended the ownership class together to learn more about the church and what they were all about. 

That night at the class, November 2013, 4 years after I made the decision to leave NY and start over, I was saved along with my husband. We accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior right there at our church. Together. 

I'd like to say things were automatically easier for us but that's not true. They, in fact, became harder. But for the last 11 months we have seen God do the most amazing things in our life. Our marriage made a complete 360 degree turn and has become incredibly stronger. I've been feeling a transformation in my heart, in my soul and in my life. Jesus, with His forgiveness, has allowed me to completely start over. I'm so grateful He never stopped chasing my heart. He pursued me with such a great passion and now, in turn, I must go out in the world and do the same. 

If I've said it once, Ill say it again: God does everything for a reason. My past happened according to His plan. While my past may not seem to be a tragedy as much as others may be, it was a tragedy to me. I was miserable and felt dead inside. BUT! I needed to go through that. I needed to hit rock bottom. I needed to see that He is the ONLY One who was going to pull me out of that awful place I was in. Life is amazing, beautiful, hard, obnoxious and scary but I don't ever have to do it alone. 

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

So to whoever reads this, to whoever this is meant to reach, THANK YOU! It's because of you that I'm sharing this story. My true testimony. And just know that this kind of freedom is there waiting for you. You just have to grab His hand and let Him take the reigns of your life. If you are going through anything, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be ok. YOU will ok. 

If there are any questions or comments or anything you feel the need to share, my email is there for the taking: aljanson819@gmail.com

You are all so great and I thank you for reading this.

MUCH love!